Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 15:24

LOL - now there's an award to scrabble for - the podium wouldn't be in one of your old wardrobes, would it? ;))

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John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 15:22

Congratulations Isobel.

You win a free penis down your ear canal!

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Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 15:21

I'm not surprised you're fatigued with all those festivals, Laura!

I can't see why the idea of a bath would be disrespectful - I love the way you have framed it as the place one might allow oneself to slip away - to just throw in the towel, if you'll pardon the pun.

I like the way you've compared it to a warm womb - the circle of life making its full turn - and I like the heaviness I feel in my senses - something you've communicated to me through your words.

If you don't mind me critiquing, I'd probably change the water up nose line - I think there might be a more subtle way of saying that.

I'm delighted you're taking part Cynthia - this a great contribution and I love your interpretation. x

Comment is about The Bath (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 15:01

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

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Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 15:00

not me

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Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 14:59

not me

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Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 14:58

not me

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Original item by John Togher

Laura Taylor

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 14:18

Love this - incredibly atmospheric, beautifully phrased. I think I may be identifying with it more closely than I would otherwise though, cos have been going through patches of what can only be called 'fatigue', lately.

'Drugged by wet heat and sweet oil' mmMM

Comment is about The Bath (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Nigel Astell

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 14:01

Will leave it John will be seeing you tomorrow night and we can catch up then and see if anyone wants to come out another night from Write Out Loud.

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John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:58

Thanks Cynthia. Made some changes to make it more direct, like you said. Needed another pair of eyes on it, so thanks!

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John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:54

Who's going to be the 10,000 visitor to my profile?

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Original item by John Togher

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:15

I hope the idea of 'a bath' is not disrespectful. I find the very element of 'water' thought provoking, considering so much of 'us' is just that.

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Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:13

I hope the idea of 'a bath' is not disrespectful. I find the very element of 'water' thought provoking, considering so much of 'us' is just that.

Comment is about 52 Hertz - WOL Comp (blog)

Original item by Isobel

John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:12

Thanks Cynthia. Yes, that's more direct.Isobel, don't get me started on a finely shaped ankle.

There's the connection with the word 'supercilious' as well in the title.

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 13:05

I like this too.

Comment is about 52 Hertz (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Isobel

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 12:41

You've lost me on all the versions. I like the poem though. I like the way you always home in on something seemingly insignificant in a woman as a focus for her sensuality - I think you've done the same with freckles.

Arched eyebrows do say a lot about a woman - a) that's she's got time to pluck them and b) that she's got a high enough pain threshold. The lazy ones just hide them behind glasses ;)

For some reason I find myself wanting to change the tense in one line to 'what you were worth to her'

Lovely ending - it leaves lots to the imagination :)

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 12:40

John, a suggestion - would you consider:

She had that arched eyebrow
a black eagle's wing.

This eyebrow asked
what you are worth to her.

......

The weight of each other
catching breath
and that eyebrow

relaxed for the first time.


I have reread your poem several times, and finally decided that I would risk this comment. I find this directness very powerful. But it is just my opinion. I really like your work.

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 12:25

This is very interesting - it drips with atmosphere/mood. The old-fashioned words slide in effortlessly amid some canny choices of emotive diction, both in meaning and in sound, the 'buzz' effect carrying consistently through.

Comment is about Buzz (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 10:05

Changed. I do like the second version too. You're right Francine, the eyebrow remark does draw you in better. Thanks! x

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Francine

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 04:20

It says a lot with the words you've chosen - conjures up the images and feelings of loneliness well.

Comment is about 52 Hertz (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Francine

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 04:10

I enjoyed reading this Graham.
Very descriptive with a bit of an eery feel to it.

Comment is about Buzz (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Francine

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 03:50

After reading both several times - I like the second version better.
I prefer it because it draws you in from your description of noticing her eyebrow, which is an interesting, if not odd detail, to what you know/overheard and imagined of her.

xx

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

John Togher

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Tue 11th Jun 2013 01:04

Still unsure as to which version works better. Below is the other with first stanza later in the poem.



She had that arched look to an eyebrow,
not used to prevent moisture,
but a black eagle’s wing.

This eyebrow asked questions of just
what you are worth to her.

I liked that.

She said she was from the dark end of town,
that place where thievery smoulders
and street corners are plagued by crows.

None of that mattered.

I imagined that moment
after our first time in bed.

The weight of each other,
eye to eye, catching breath,
and that eyebrow,

relaxed for the first time.

Comment is about Supercilium (blog)

Original item by John Togher

tony sheridan

Tue 11th Jun 2013 00:36

Like this! Take care, Tony.

Comment is about Assignation (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Lynn Dye

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 22:38

I agree, this is sad, beautiful and moving. xx

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John F Keane

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 20:17

I could be there for 8.45?

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nick armbrister

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 16:57

thanx for reading and commenting on my varied poems George. regards Nick:)

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Original item by George Stanworth

Ian Whiteley

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 16:57

Thanks Lynn - you've got it in one :-)
Whereas MC, as usual, has missed the point. If we are so 'evolved' why do humans kill for 'fun'? or for 'fur' or for 'accessories' when we don't have to? and why do we try to attribute 'human' characteristics to foxes in order to justify chasing them to ground and ripping them to pieces? And why do we kill whales just to see the seas coloured blood red. Checks and Balance my arse!

Comment is about Animals (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Simon Marks

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 16:26

Updated and now with supersonic sound.

Comment is about (Be my) Only One (blog)

Original item by Marksy

Lynn Dye

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 16:11

Another good one, Ian :)

M.C. Only the humane among us humans help other animals. Dolphins and dogs have been known to save human lives. :)

Comment is about Animals (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Nigel Astell

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 16:10

Background scene is set
Lines then go wrong
Script is completely misplaced
Role play itself stops
The trap door opens.

Comment is about Exit Stage Left (blog)

Original item by Katypoetess

M.C. Newberry

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 15:53

Man - the primary predator who, unlike the other animals, saves what the other animals do not; preserves when the other animals don't
know how, and steps in to rescue those not of his kind when the other animals pass on by
Checks and balances.

Comment is about Animals (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Nigel Astell

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 15:51

Anyone going to the Elizabethan for a drink - -
oh yes a chat about the Heaton Arts as well.

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George Stanworth

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 15:42

Hi Nick
Just come across your poetry. I love the diversity of them. There's some great imagery in your poetry. I particularly like the start of 'Pathway' and 'Epiphany On The Edge.' 'Reed' is another great poem.
George

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Isobel

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 12:52

This resounds for me - I can so imagine how that creature must feel.

Love the 'booming through the murky darkness' and the 'leaping, soaring, diving, plunging into depths of solitude'

Thanks for taking part again Lynn. x

Comment is about 52 Hertz (blog)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Isobel

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 12:47

Thanks for taking part Graham - I love the way you think and the angle you've taken on the theme.

'There is no such state as solace, silence, sanctuary,
just the near imperceptible swish of consciousness
from which we writhe, but none can abscond'

We are all prisoners of our own minds to some degree. I love the way you compare our own consciousness to white noise. That's how I feel when I'm having a sleepless night. And there are times in your life when you can feel like this during daylight hours. I think you express that isolation well.


Comment is about Buzz (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Ian Whiteley

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 11:25

thanks for your comment on 'vermin' Lynn - it's one of the few things that gets my goat, when man thinks he can apply morals to animals and then kill them because they don't act 'human' grrrrrr lol :-)

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Original item by Lynn Dye

Laura Taylor

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 09:37

Hahaa :D Yehhh, know THAT feeling!

Comment is about Just one more time, please (blog)

Original item by Ged Thompson/ Liverpool Poet

Brian Wood

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 08:39

Very true M.C its a crazy bandwagon that we ride upon. The full truth can never in this case be confirmed...

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Original item by Brian Wood

Lynn Dye

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 00:45

Good one, Ian, enjoyed this and your sentiment.

Comment is about Vermin (blog)

Original item by Ian Whiteley

Lynn Dye

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Mon 10th Jun 2013 00:41

Hi Stef and Patricia, I really enjoyed this poem, and the lovely picture you have accompanying it.
I am a big fox lover, they are canines, just like the dogs that are bred to kill them, grrrr.
L xxx

Comment is about Brothers in harm (blog)

Graham Sherwood

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 22:55

Clever stuff indeed Tommy. Now got you on my short list of favourites!

Comment is about Assignation (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Dave D Poet Rhumour

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 21:36

Thanks for commenting :) Yes I look for the positives as it is evident that negatives only lead to more aggravation... best wishes, Dave

Comment is about Love Vines (blog)

Original item by Dave Dunn

Solar Winds

Sun 9th Jun 2013 21:36

I hope you gentlemen wont mind my having a foot in both of your camps-thanks also,
my wildlife loving Wilde friends!x

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Solar Winds

Sun 9th Jun 2013 21:30

always the optimist Mr.Dunn!
good on'yer!x

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Original item by Dave Dunn

Ian Whiteley

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 20:14

I wasn't sure whether you were talking to me or the germ there for a moment Isobel - I thought I might be getting an invite round to yours ;-)glad you like 'domestosterone' it's one of my cleaner rhymes *groan*

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Ian Whiteley

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 20:12

thanks for the comment on 'domestosterone' John - I'm not acquainted with any 'flash' ladies I'm afraid - perhaps you could point me in the right direction ;-)

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Original item by John Coopey

Ian Whiteley

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 20:09

thanks for the comment on 'domestostesterone' Ledger - the household germ need not fear for its safety in my house - I can assure you :-)

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Ian Whiteley

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 20:08

also thanks for the observation on 'I wish I had a harley' age cannot be avoided mate - it's how you cope with it that counts :-)

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Ian Whiteley

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Sun 9th Jun 2013 20:06

thanks for commenting on 'domestosterone' Marksy - trust me, it would need to be a very big duck in our house ;-)

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