Fri 11th May 2012 17:42
Well-crafted Tommy. I found this intriguing, ignorance is bliss or not as the case maybe. I've interpreted it in a couple of ways but I cannot make up my mind. It's a riddle wrapped up in an enigma.
Comment is about The Gaoler's daughter (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Fri 11th May 2012 17:41
That's what I meant Deb ;o)
Comment is about Tea Party (blog)
Original item by Debbie Houghton
Fri 11th May 2012 17:34
Not an easy poem by any means but worth a try. I'm sure I've read this before but with a different title, if I remember rightly, it is a metaphor for writing. You could however take it completely differently. I don't know whether that is a good thing or not.
Comment is about Poor Poem (blog)
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 11th May 2012 17:32
'Outside...a hand for change' is chilling, followed by '...drops like bombs'. IMO, in your work, the exactly obvious is never what you're really saying, even if you think it is. Whatever - what you choose to see and do and write about greatly interests my mind.
Comment is about Bring me sunshine (blog)
Original item by mike watts
Fri 11th May 2012 17:18
I like the theme, the mutual emotional support over the dying father, and then, of each other physically: 'Can I sleep in here tonight?' At the end, knowing the worst scenario, and finally privy to 'the grown-up truth', 'pride' is a real twist, and yet, very universal.
Comment is about Mother's girl (blog)
Original item by fiona sinclair
Fri 11th May 2012 16:54
I had no issue with the intended meaning, I just thought it was less poetic than the preceding two lines.
After the recent misunderstanding I thought I might qualify my comments, my intent is never to undermine the writer or the writing. Sometimes I use humour which I concede may well be misconstrued. Having said that, I've never bought into the notion that poets are 'special cases,' I've always hoped that WOL was a community of like-minded souls and therefore some kind of literary dialogue was welcomed. I'll remove this paragraph shortly.
Comment is about it (blog)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 11th May 2012 16:53
Comment is about Repeat performance (blog)
attila the stockbroker
Fri 11th May 2012 16:18
well, Philip, as you can see I haven't, in fact I've got loads and loads of gigs all over the place, which means the public isn't as apathetic towards me as you'd obviously like :)
Comment is about ALBANIA! My Glastonwick festival! And LOADS and LOADS of gigs (blog)
Original item by Attila the Stockbroker
Fri 11th May 2012 16:04
The review is a bit long-winded, but it does cover some good points.
In my opinion, we are now completing a full circle back to the bards of ancient years, the oral traditions in all cultures, mostly minus the musical instrument. 'Performance poetry' can be, and often is, barely more than prose turned/versed as the performer pleases, according to audience feedback. What exactly makes it poetry, except that the performer says it is so, and the audience doesn't object? I think the 'open-mic' piece really should be 'a poem' with the basic skills of poetry crafting well observed, a 'work' that would be recognizable as 'a poem' on paper. What we really need is a completely NEW WORD to cover these performances. And concrete tuition in the theatrical presentation of a one-man show.
The above scenario is entirely separate from the gatherings of like-minded people who share their poetry in a spirit of friendship and mutual criticism. Such meetings, long in existence below the academic radar, are becoming more high profile in our popular culture.
Perhaps, the ideal is an 'open-mic' practice session, a 'stop-and-start again' idea where the participants are interactive. Then, the actual open-mic performance would be of much higher quality. These sessions would be at a level far below the current Slams, not competitive, more inclusive.
Comment is about Live Poetry: An Integrated Approach to Poetry in Performance by Julia Novak (article)
Original item by Greg Freeman
Fri 11th May 2012 15:59
Thank you, Stef, wasn't too sure about this one, so good to get feedback. xxx
Comment is about Forgotten Hero (blog)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Fri 11th May 2012 13:08
'beloved mass of masonry' is a nice alliterative turn of phrase. I like the idea that in some way we are the buildings, or they are a part of us. In some sense of course the latter is true.
Obviously I'm not religious and though I note you don't account for us atheists in your third verse lol j/k...I do like your use of language. Oddly the use of the word gods in the plural, rather than the singular can allow for the consideration of Everton and Liverpool football clubs. Not sure if you deliberately considered multiple interpretations here, but it is a nice thought :)
One thing I would add by way of subjective criticism;
Personally I would either lose the last verse or rework some of its lines to create an earlier verse. It could be just me, but I think you have your killer last line at the end of your penultimate verse.
Loyal...(but in our Liverpudlian way). In the setting of that verse is very good and I can't see you ending on a higher or indeed more wry/apt note than that.
Comment is about A SCOUSE CONGRATULATION (blog)
Fri 11th May 2012 12:59
it's wonderful to be able to read and appreciate the poetry of others and join in with their and other's experience, and having a chance to release your own dittys for others enjoyment and comments for improvement. To look at it from other eyes It's really exciting.
Fri 11th May 2012 12:57
Hello Cynthia. I didn't know that about it/Id. So thanks for that.I like the idea of subplots/buried meaning, though I'd have to say that's not what subplots are generally supposed to mean.
Fri 11th May 2012 12:48
Tommy got mixed up with which biography/auto was about me. The poem is an autobiography of what my mind can be like.written after a particularly hard "episode "
Fri 11th May 2012 11:15
well spotted Winston now been sorted
Comment is about Blog (blog)
Original item by Chris Lawrence
Marianne Louise Daniels
Fri 11th May 2012 10:50
Good response Cynthia! x
Fri 11th May 2012 10:46
Cupid's Spindle - the title is a poem in itself - what an adorable pair of words!
Comment is about Cupid's spindle (blog)
Original item by Lucy
Fri 11th May 2012 09:59
I really like this - can identify with parts of it too.
I like how it moves through from the vulnerability and pain of the childhood, to the knowledge and understanding of the adult. Funny how the power dynamic shifts as you get older isn't it?
Fri 11th May 2012 09:53
Howdy Hazel - lovely to meet you last night, and I still can't believe that was only your second performance! You were great! Nice smooth performance, clear, articulate, not rushed in the slightest, and got everyone laughing. I couldn't see a hint of 'bricking it' - you're a natural :)
Hope to see you at another Tudor :)
Comment is about (Poet profile)
Fri 11th May 2012 09:34
Eh, and cheeky - I bloody well don't laugh at the bosses jokes! ;p He doesn't know any, for a start!
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (Poet profile)
Fri 11th May 2012 08:49
Thanks for your comment on "The Night". There was a mistake in it but I have corrected it.
All the best
Comment is about Patricia and Stefan Wilde (Poet profile)
Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde
Fri 11th May 2012 03:07
Wow Tommy what a poem the last verse especially. Your poetry is breathtaking!
Comment is about On stolen sheets (blog)
Fri 11th May 2012 03:04
And for my experience of your poem "becomes" is better as these last few words describes the man's relationship now, the rest of the poem relating the "before " of his story.
Comment is about A Lady's dismissal (blog)
Fri 11th May 2012 02:45
Oh this is really good Tommy, brilliantly clever imagery.
You have woven the start and end of a relationship from just a few short verses.
The steamy hot flush of new love: your names inside hearts on windows, which are altered and changed by the temperature drying out causing condensation "tears" to dribble down the window and the "smile becomes a snear"
Fri 11th May 2012 02:14
Wow what a variety of styles you can write in Harry. I laughed out loud at your "Girl in Sarii " then the peaceful echoing emotional beauty of "Rendezvous " to the brisk choppy shiny style of "Clare 's Hair. Each a treasure to read
Fri 11th May 2012 01:56
Another peach in your collection John, I've decided to read one of your poems a day to cheer me up. You should make a CD it would be a big hit. I'd definitely order one!
Comment is about Mammaries Are Made Of This (blog)
Original item by John Coopey
Fri 11th May 2012 01:33
Im a bit sheepish to admit but this is so funny-ewe definately have a brilliant sense of humour matched only by your craftsmanship skill. Parody on I 'm loving it!
Thank you also for the lovely comments on my dittys-I wasn't up early just not gone to sleep. Got carried away with reading these wonderful poems. This site is just amazing. It's like a window has opeñed into a world of beautiful places to explore.
Comment is about I Got Ewe Babe (blog)
Fri 11th May 2012 00:40
Fri 11th May 2012 00:04
David, thanks very much for your encouraging words on Hope Cross. Kind of you to say my writing is going "from strength to strength" - my walking certainly isn't! Keep us posted with your launch/publication date.
Comment is about David Cooke (Poet profile)
Original item by David Cooke
Patricia &Stefan wilde
Fri 11th May 2012 00:01
Sad and very well written Lynn.
lots of improvements in your poems lately.
Keep it up girly!xx
Thu 10th May 2012 23:58
A very worthy read.
We loved it.
Thu 10th May 2012 23:13
Nice poem. I think the beginning and end are better than the middle.
like sucking venom from snake bite,
I think if you can avoid "like" in this context then you should - I think you can.
orchards and fields of his office - that's great.
"detected" lying sounds, I don't know, inauthentic somehow. "or lying"?
the ramshackle un-saleable house - sounds better?
I like the way you finish the poem, how the daughter all of a sudden achieves equality, adulthood.
Thu 10th May 2012 22:32
You lead us up the garden path here so well, Debbie. There I was enjoying the pastoral scene, nodding in agreement as each bloom and bird was mentioned, mentally ticking off the ones that I too have when the delightful image was destroyed - as all too often is the case - by the gardener's enemy. Love it XX
Comment is about Gorgeous Garden (blog)
Thu 10th May 2012 22:06
Hi Debbie, thanks for your lovely comments on 'House Hunting' I'm glad it amused you.Hope your daughter manages to climb on the property ladder.
I've just read your 'Manic Mad' and think it really captures the highs and lows of bipolar in a way that can easily be understood.
'Warping along in my hyperfast train'
and 'Ferryman paytime I equal the score.'
are very telling.
Comment is about Debbie Houghton (Poet profile)
Thu 10th May 2012 21:54
I really like this, Ann, reminded me of reading Rebecca some years ago, and I admire the descriptions and contrasts you portray. xx
Comment is about Waiting for Maxim . . . (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Thu 10th May 2012 21:25
Hi Philip, welcome to WOL and thank you so much for your kind comments on Impossibility. I think it is always interesting for a writer to hear others' thoughts and interpretations on their poems, so thanks again.
I just read your profile and poems, and am much impressed, I like "Fishing for Fellas". Keep writing and posting!
Comment is about Phillip Kelly (Poet profile)
Original item by Phillip Kelly
Thu 10th May 2012 20:49
Hi Debbie, thank you so much for your lovely comments on Teardrops in my Coffee. You seem to have read more into it than I realised was there! haha. Great to have you on board, hope you enjoy the site, and keep posting! x
Thu 10th May 2012 20:45
Ha ha, I know that feeling, those pesky slugs!!
I like the shape of this poem, Debbie, I once tried a heart shaped poem, but couldn't get it to upload properly on here, so well done.
Thu 10th May 2012 20:42
Hi Debbie and welcome to WOL.
I found this really interesting, quite whacky but very enjoyable. Deserves more readings. x
Thu 10th May 2012 19:34
...PPS Also I just wanted to be the 9,000th visit to your site.
Comment is about Laura Taylor (Poet profile)
Original item by Laura Taylor
Thu 10th May 2012 19:32
Laura I know you avoid 'correspondence' and like to be evasive and on the whole don't give a damn about practically everything... but you are quickly becoming my favorite person in the world.
So keep it up and 'rage, rage against the dying of the light'.
PS I also know you giggle at the bosses jokes.
Thu 10th May 2012 17:20
Wow, Debbie! You get up very early to look at poetry.
Many thanks for the flattering stuff you said about Ikea. I have started doing parodies only recently, some of which you might like (Nights in Prestatyn, Everybody's Gone Serfin', You Won't Batter Anymore, Gorgonzola, I Got Ewe Babe).
I expect your garden is filing up with colour nicely this time of year.
Thu 10th May 2012 17:00
and thank you very much for your welcome. I in my turn have never thought of an owl being lens-shaped.
This is what poetry is about I suppose: discovering the unexpected for ourselves and others.
Comment is about Oxana Poberejnaia (Poet profile)
Original item by Oxana Poberejnaia
Thu 10th May 2012 16:44
We loved it all Joshua
especially the last three lines.
Comment is about The Night (blog)
Original item by Joshua Van-Cook
Thu 10th May 2012 16:32
A belated welcome to W.O.L.
which will no doubt be somewhat enhanced
by your very unique style of writing.
We love your biography!
and are very grateful for the kind comments.
Our very best regards to you.
Patricia and Stefan.xx
Thu 10th May 2012 16:30
Thanks for the comments on Tea Party it is a biographical snippet of the mad hatter world my mind sometimes inhabits with the dark chaos echoed in Carrol's Alice. I don't know the Jefferson song but love early genesis and yes and the feel of the way they are written crept in to my delight.
Your poetry styles are amazing in texture, scope and design. Brilliantly crafted. I am really enjoying reading them.
Thu 10th May 2012 15:50
I wouldn't ever consider myself an ardent monarchist. I don't buy into how tough a job it is. They fight wars to keep the throne, so the benfits must be pretty good.
On the other hand I am in some difficulty when I suggest an alternative state figurehead - David Cameron is the obvious choice, or Cameron/Clegg? or Ed Milliband? or someone non-political? David Beckham, perhaps? Katy Price? You see the problem.
Comment is about Sixty poems to mark Queen's 60 years (article)
Thu 10th May 2012 15:37
Hi Oxana - an interesting poem! Not everyone likes the Parrot Sketch I guess - not something I have ever thought about before:) Welcome to WOL. An interesting profile too!
Thu 10th May 2012 15:09
Thanks for recent kind & constructive comments Graham. I've not been writing much lately.
Comment is about Graham Sherwood (Poet profile)
Original item by Graham Sherwood
Thu 10th May 2012 15:08
Thanks both of you. Maxin de Winter is the not really very nice hero in the Daphne du Maurier book Rebecca. The Housel Bay Hotel has a du Maurier feel to it (from the outside anyway, I've never been inside.) It's on the Lizard where I've just spent a couple of weeks. M de W was my idea of a smoothy kind of guy, and I could imagine meeting such a chap in this rather 1930s oppulance - but would be happier camping with a thermos flask (and a nicer chap)I'm sure :)
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