Jeff Dawson

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Fri 20th Jun 2008 17:53

Hi Daniel, well said - like it! I'm sure you will appreciate I wouldn't be having a go at dyslexic people at all, as dyslexic people must struggle with many words and spell the ones I mentioned without problem. From what I've seen though over the last 10 years now most of the population can't differentiate between your and you're, sure its those mobiles! cheers Jeff

Comment is about Alternative Perspective (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Jeff Dawson

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Fri 20th Jun 2008 17:38

Great stuff Daniel, this gives a very traditional feel to things, enjoyed it, Jeff

ps thanks for comments on my Queens English RIP, just glueing my hair back on!

Comment is about Beneath The Pantomime (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Jeff Dawson

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Fri 20th Jun 2008 17:34

Hi Daniel, really like this. I've had some traumatic times in last few years and only just started writing this year! However, poetry has helped no end in filling a void, creating a sense of achievement and helping me turn things round, cheers Jeff

Comment is about poetry is movement without effort (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hooks

Darren Thomas

Fri 20th Jun 2008 14:34

Hello David - occasionally, i will trawl through the 300+ members of this site and dwell on a poet's work. Having now dwelled for far too long, i would just like to say how much i enjoyed reading your work.

Comment is about David Andrew (Poet profile)

Original item by David Andrew

Sandre Clays

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Fri 20th Jun 2008 00:47

I think life is always a struggle, maybe poetry sometimes can be the thing that sets us free. A very interesting poem, thank you.

Comment is about String That Binds Us (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Thu 19th Jun 2008 22:50

A lot of truth in your words Melissa, a lot of which i, for one can identify with.
Strangely enough though, recently i feel like i have been "set free" from certain struggles. It really is quite amazing what time off work can do for ones belief in self comfort. A zone which has eluded me for quite some time.
Funny thing, string.. it reminds me of my intestines, which fortunately has no knots and and are looking very healthy to my inner vision.
Thanks for this write. Very thought provoking.x

Comment is about String That Binds Us (blog)

Jennie B

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 21:34

Hey! Sorry I missed Freed Up, was feeling a bit overwhelmed by work (of which I've been shirking).
I love your poems, and love the titles too :)

Are you going to reproduce 'Boner' anywhere (no pun intended!)?

JxXxx

Comment is about Mia Darlone (Poet profile)

Original item by Mia Darlone

Daniel Hooks

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 19:08

Hi Darren I am airing on the side that poetry can do all the things I say as long as you can think and feel when you read any poetry of course this is a bold statement but part of the reason I write is ask questions of people and challenge them if I can the poem is my argument/thesis for poetry should be. Anyway thankyou Darren!

Comment is about poetry is movement without effort (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hooks

Sean Stanley

Thu 19th Jun 2008 16:53

Hi Daniel, thanks for the comment. I appreciate all suggestions and your constructive criticism.
John Togher was thinking of including it in his Mental Virus magazine so to completely re-work it would be foolish as it was a brief and disturbing experience from a couple of weeks previous. I don’t think it could be developed for them reasons and others.
Best Regards

Comment is about Daniel Hall (Poet profile)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 16:33

Nicely edited .... is there anywhere else that you think it could be trimmed? ... just ideas of course. You could ignore me with extreme prejudice. After all, it's your work and it's a blog and not in the review discussion section.

Comment is about Burnt Chips (blog)

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 15:24

Good imagery in here Dai ... I'm slipping back over a few blogs that I missed while I was away. I'm surprised there was not other comment on this one. I especially like that opening line.

Comment is about Night Visit (blog)

Original item by Dai Miles

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 15:19

Not bad at all Sean. I probably would not of ended the sentance at the end of line 5 and dropped "that" from the start of line 6, just to tighten it up a bit. In short poems every word, I feel, has to fight beak and claw for it's place. Keep it going!

Comment is about Burnt Chips (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Thu 19th Jun 2008 14:51

Hi Daniel, well done for getting it all wrong in the right way. Does that make sense?
Oh well, it made me laugh anyway!
Thanks for all your comments by the way. Love Janet.x

Comment is about Alternative Perspective (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Sandre Clays

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 14:43

Hi Darren thanks for that.
The photo was taken in Dublin with John (hubby) and me sitting in front of Molly Malone's statue. We had to be quick cause every tourist wanted to do it.

Comment is about Too Fat (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

Mia Darlone

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 13:08

Hey! Loved your performance last night - wish I had your energy on stage. Glad to see the shaving poem up! Hopefully see you later, I'm not sure how well my poem 'Boner of Contention' will go down......

Comment is about Jennie B (Poet profile)

Original item by Jennie B

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 12:49

Thank you to the three of you. The theatre I work in during panto season is fiercly pround of the original stage. We do our best not to make a mess of it with stage weights and scenery as we throw it about.

The world below stage is very spooky indeed. We filled it full of smoke one night. there was no air moving down there, but something disturbed the smoke. It was as if a ghost had walked by. Very spooky stuff.

Comment is about Beneath The Pantomime (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Darren Thomas

Thu 19th Jun 2008 11:25

Hi Sandre- first of all, who's the tall chap standing behing you and John. It's not John Togher is it..? Secondly, your poetry is very tight, very precise, and very good. Even the words with muscles you have managed to bend into shape - fan-tas-tic.

Comment is about Too Fat (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

Darren Thomas

Thu 19th Jun 2008 11:16

Hi Daniel - this is a great piece, which tells a wonderful story and imparts many of life's emotions and feelings. It mirrors, in a way, society. The perceived difference between social class and a person's ambition.
There are one or two words that did jarr my reading but this didn't stop me seeing the wonderful imagery. 'Victorian' for example is a very busy word with too many syllables. You could get away with a synonym with less syllables and allow the reader to fill in the 'Victorian' feel with their own imagination.
Really enjoyed it.

Comment is about Beneath The Pantomime (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Darren Thomas

Thu 19th Jun 2008 11:04

I like the way that you have expressed the fact that 'poetry CAN...etc'. It is not saying that poetry DOES do all these things - or is it?
Poetry CAN of course, do all these things. It could also be responsible for other things...
The title is a bold statement, but one that engages the reader straight away. Perhaps because we want to read and then see in our own mind's eye what it is you're trying to say. In fact Daniel, the more I read it the more of a paradox it appears to become...fascinating stuff

Comment is about poetry is movement without effort (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hooks

Darren Thomas

Thu 19th Jun 2008 10:46

Interesting Phil, and from which branch of poetry is the theme based, may I ask?
The reason, and I think yew can cedar way this is going, is i think it's cherry good the way its done. There are some right beeches on this site. Oak hay.
Teak care and see you soon. Even though lime not expected to be out for a while.

Comment is about Opening Addresser (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 10:40

Love the revision... *cough*I am that your male songbird *cough*...

Comment is about Songbird (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Philip Golding

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 10:28

The structure and clever choice of word guide me through colourful, if not sad in parts, imagery.

I enjoyed this read

ps thanks for the pointers on 'Songbird' it needed a review. There is now a mark 2 version.

cheers
phil

Comment is about Beneath The Pantomime (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

paul

Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:54

Come on John, time to give us some more poems on the web site and join in with what's going on

Comment is about John Mather (Poet profile)

Original item by John Mather

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:49

you were right!! Bon soir Vienna la Francais!!!

Comment is about Au revoir, mes amis (blog)

paul

Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:45

Isn't life odd - I had to look up Cava to find out what it was when I first read your poem and now I see it everywhere

Comment is about Simone Mansell Broome (Poet profile)

Original item by Simone Mansell Broome

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:45

Been there mate, I know there's worse things happen at sea, but its a horrific experience all the same!! Good advice from Ant! Love the poem, enjoyed it first time I heard it cheers Jeff!

Comment is about The Biscuit Poem (blog)

Original item by Cayn White

paul

Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:43

"They're horny and quite beautiful..."
I begin to wonder about some of the people on this site

Comment is about A F Harrold (Poet profile)

Original item by A F Harrold

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:42

Hi Cayn, really like this, a well worked analogy with the clubbing scene with a very serious message, nice one mate, Jeffarama!

Comment is about Seal Clubbing (blog)

Original item by Cayn White

Philip Golding

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:37

Daniel, you are spot on with your observations. I should have read it through more thoroughly before posting. Take 2 will appear soon

Comment is about Songbird (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:31

Great poem Ant, enjoyed that, amusing take on a few places I'm sure we all know, cheers ps could you not find a bigger picture? Jeff

Comment is about Let's look through ... the suburban window (blog)

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:29

Hi Tomas, I can really identify with this and either you didn't ask, or you did something wrong, the result is the same. It's difficult to move on but hopefully we get there. It's a wonderful poem and very clever use of words, nice one, Jeff

Comment is about Whose Heart Does She Make Beat Faster? (blog)

Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh

Jeff Dawson

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:25

Hi Mirna, another lovely 2 entries, this and the Shadow one. A bit difficult to decifer but, having read a lot of your other stuff, I think I know where you're coming from, and still a lot of sadness by the sounds of things to me, Jeff

Comment is about The Window (blog)

Daniel Hall

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Thu 19th Jun 2008 09:13

Orchestrated to the song of birds. I got a little confused between the personal "I", "we", "our" and then the references to "they". The split between the speaker and the lady and the birds is possibly a little too blurred for my simple mind to keep the images seperate.... hope you don't mind this bit of crit.

Comment is about Songbird (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Sandre Clays

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 23:41

Surely that tree was in the film 'The Ring' wasn't it? If we have read it or seen the video are we about to die in seven days.

Comment is about Opening Addresser (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Sandre Clays

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 23:37

Comment is about Opening Addresser (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Sandre Clays

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 23:26

I have to say I wrote this poem about ten years ago and managed to get it published in Poetry Now for ten quid. I feel as though today nothing has changed, in fact people are prepared to have surgery, liposuction to be acceptable in our society, what a shame. Thanks for all your comments.

Comment is about Too Fat (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

Jeff Dawson

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 18:54

Was expecting a poem Nick, oh well, agree on the publicity, they hardly need it!!! Although my heart is with the Clash etc, I don't mind Coldplay, I saw them at the Reebok and enjoyed it. I was also glad they played and recorded their video to 'Fix you' there so a bit of pride it wasn't in London!

Not sure they're as dull as Portishead, but what can I say, I go for more depressing stuff like Joy Division and the Cure!!! Cheers Jeffarama!

Comment is about Coldplay: Viva La Vida (blog)

Original item by Nick Payne

Daniel Hooks

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 17:30

just went onto your nyspace if you like vampires here is a poem for you;
Your eyes are dark,
They hide your darkness within
Waiting to ousted
Your lips red like a rose
Full and bee stung.
Your pose inviting me to take a bite
Come to me and be a creature of the night.

I’d like to kiss your neck with butterfly bites
Hold you tight
In a death grip
Lead you to the undeath with breathless sighs of
Love,
Deep within your soul as you stare into my ageless eyes.

I’ll hold you tight as I bite
Caress you as you fall
As the death calls
I’ll let you feed on me.
Finally when you are sleeping
I take you to my tomb
I’ll be your groom you my bride
We will hide from the sun that you need no more
Then when the pale moon rises we will walk hand in hand
Under its light
I’ll be your eyes your sight
The most important light in your eternity.
Nothing will touch you my eternal red rose
As this is life you chose
When you invited me to take a bite.

Comment is about Jennie B (Poet profile)

Original item by Jennie B

Jennie B

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 17:07

Hey Daniel, thanks for the welcome. Like the Poetry Bomber! x

Comment is about Daniel Hooks (Poet profile)

Original item by Daniel Hooks

Jennie B

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 17:06

Thanks :)

Comment is about Jennie B (Poet profile)

Original item by Jennie B

Daniel Hooks

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 17:04

welcome to write out loud Jennie!!!

Comment is about Jennie B (Poet profile)

Original item by Jennie B

Daniel Hall

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 17:00

Mixy? ... Are you saying I'm deseased! .... Where's my gun to put myself out of my misery! :oP

Comment is about Rumor Rabbit (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 16:54

You sound like a very nice man to me Daniel.
I like people who are laid back and friendly. They have such a calming effect on those around them. It's a hard mixy to find these days.
pun intended.xxx

Comment is about Rumor Rabbit (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:54

This is good Daniel. All kinds of colourful images, some surprising ones too sprung up in my mind. Then sadness at the end when i wanted to set the star and thr feather free to wander wherever they wish to be.
Thanks for a wonderful visionary scene which i didn't want to end... Love Janet.x

Comment is about Beneath The Pantomime (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:44

ps. or was that Whitney Houston? No matter, i went with first instinct, maybe they both recorded it. xxx

Comment is about Letting go of your dreams (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:42

None of your experience has been wasted.
Even Playwrites need experience from the base elements to get it spot on and excellence is assured when one has an understanding of the actors/actresses emotional state.
Perhaps you only missed out on an opportunity because there's something better on its way to you?
The song "saving all my love for you." by Vanessa Williams comes to mind. Hope you do well in whatever you wish to achieve. Janet.x

Comment is about Letting go of your dreams (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:31

My sentiments exactly! Well done! Thanks for a wonderful portrayal of how poetry affects our lives, hopes and our dreams.
Janet.x

Comment is about poetry is movement without effort (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hooks

Daniel Hall

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Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:27

Very very close Janet .... I was aiming (pun intended) at drawing a comparison between someone running rounf the Island spreading terrible rumors and me wanting to blow their head off with a shotgun. Which I might have done if my reactions were as sharp as there were in my youth.

I'm such a laid back friendly chap xxx.

Comment is about Rumor Rabbit (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:23

So what was the point you wanted to make Daniel? On reading again, i see something of malicious rumours which should be shot down in flames, or at the very least ignored when known to be untruths. Janet.xxx

Comment is about Rumor Rabbit (blog)

Original item by Daniel Hall

Janet Ramsden

Wed 18th Jun 2008 15:15

Being a traditionally pear shaped person is difficult to live with, especially when it comes to purchasing a two piece suit on a small budget.
Fortunately, i've never worried about what i eat.
It's stress which makes the weight come tumbling downwards. Thanks for an interesting read taking us into the world of unknown origins.
Love Janet.x

Comment is about Too Fat (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

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