Sun 19th Oct 2008 09:54
Hi Ralph, after your Ukelele lady I like this too, not sure why, just an interesting concept and a relaxed little story, Jeff
Comment is about Henry Miller at Denny's (blog)
Original item by Ralph Dartford
Sun 19th Oct 2008 09:47
Hiya Belinda, hope you're well
This is nice and simply put with a strong message of how ungrateful we are as a race, sad but true!
Hope the Zombies didnt eat all your marshmallows! Jeff X
Comment is about Lunch Box (blog)
Original item by Belinda
Sun 19th Oct 2008 09:37
There can be problems conceiving but know what you mean, is it all some plan to get us on a commercial bandwagon? Like the way you turned this on its head, if i've read it right!
see ya soon, Jeffarama! X
ps like the origin of violence, short but not so sweet!
Comment is about a new generation (blog)
Sun 19th Oct 2008 09:21
Of course this can happen in same sex marriages too!! Like it -
the cold place where she slept
laced with radioactivity
my leaden bed
weighs more than saturn
great stuff see ya soon babe!! X
Comment is about she is strontium 90 (blog)
Sun 19th Oct 2008 01:23
I've only just noticed you're gone, sorry. Hope you're okay? If you want to email me to let me know what you're up to I would really appreciate it - email@example.com - take care, I really enjoyed your work as you know and thanks for your support, Jeff X
Comment is about (blog)
Tomás Ó Cárthaigh
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:38
"God in the morning and the Devil at night" was a phrase used by a chap called Bill Sexton, and this poem brings it to mind.
Bill opposed dances, and people had "seisúns" in their homes, which was an opportunity for the you to get to know each other quite well indeed, moreso than their parents approved of.
He was a pios man, and held "Stations", a mass in the house, an Irish tradition since penal times, when Catholics could not go to Church.
Once there was a station, after which he went to town, and must not have been expected back, for when he returned there was a seisun in full swing, to which he angrily uttered the immortal words: "Yes, a fine house this is, God in the morning and the Devil at night".
Comment is about BIG SURPRISE (blog)
Original item by Zuzanna Musial
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:31
Yes, the imagery of the innocence of the children trying out makeup (in the cemetry???) is vivid...
Comment is about Delauney's Dye (article)
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:29
Yes, a poem of cliches, carried off well...
Comment is about THE ALL-PURPOSE STARS (article)
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:25
I wake with perfect hair too... when its cropped close. I loved the Beatles poem, how motherhood had made her grow too old too soon, and yet maybe not a bit of it...
Comment is about Clare Kirwan (poet profile)
Original item by Clare Kirwan
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:22
We indeed are a lost generation...
Comment is about Anna Percy (poet profile)
Original item by Anna Percy
Sat 18th Oct 2008 21:17
"it was only when the bullet exploded in my heart
that I realised why you had knitted me that bulls eye sweater"
Always was wary of them jumpers...
Seriosly, a great range in these poems, a very good read...
Comment is about John G.Hall (poet profile)
Original item by John G.Hall
Sat 18th Oct 2008 12:57
Like certainly U and Pore into me.. you have a good way with words certainly! I really enjoy reading your stuff!
Comment is about Moira Eribenne (poet profile)
Original item by Moira Eribenne
Fri 17th Oct 2008 11:56
Hi John and Sandre,
really sorry to hear of Johns fall and his injury.
I know Sandre will take good care of you John but i will pray for extra healing energy for you and strength for her.
Get well soon and hope to see you both very soon on the poetry scene again.
You have been and will continue to be missed for your contribution to WOL and its members.
Love, light and peace,
Comment is about Update On Write Out Loud Poet John Clays (article)
Fri 17th Oct 2008 10:51
sorry to hear of the accident. Your in good hands with Sandy, get better soon.
fallin down stairs! Oy John you been boozin again
Thu 16th Oct 2008 21:44
I got the picture.
I can also imagine the embarassment of the character in your poem. Hm.. I wonder if there was cc.t.v. in there.
psst, it's safer to browse the catalogues, but don't tell everyone i told you that.
Thu 16th Oct 2008 21:32
Comment is about The Truth About Bird Flu (blog)
Original item by Cayn White
Thu 16th Oct 2008 20:45
I was sitting quietly at the bar with a pint of bitter
in my right hand and I was about to bring it to my lips
I like the way these lines lead the reader through, but I found I needed to read it a number of times to understand it.
Thank you for your comment re Eliot's 'Objective Correlative
One possible criticism of the objective correlative is expressed by Michael Witkoski in his article “The bottle that isn’t there and the duck that can’t be heard: The ‘subjective correlative’ in commercial messages”  when he says: “The objective correlative also allows for more abstract, less immediate connections…”. Yet another possible flaw of Eliot’s theory includes his assumption that an author’s intentions concerning expression will be understood. This point is stated by Balachandra Rajan as quoted in David A. Goldfarb’s “New Reference Works in Literary Theory”  with these words: “Eliot argues that there is a verbal formula for any given state of emotion which, when found and used, will evoke that state and no other.”
Comment is about MOORE, EMIN AND KOONS (blog)
Original item by Rodney Wood
Thu 16th Oct 2008 20:27
Thu 16th Oct 2008 19:38
I can imagine this being read to a well deserved round of applause.
Thu 16th Oct 2008 14:22
Hiya, thanks for your comment on 'the frog and the prince.'
Me thinks you saw deep into the meaning of it.
It was nice to meet you in Wigan at the Tudor.
Hope you enjoyed it and we'll see you again soon.
Comment is about Horace Thespider (poet profile)
Original item by Horace Thespider
Thu 16th Oct 2008 03:14
Dear Janet and Jeff
Thank you for your wonderful comments!!
Sorry, I was not here for a while...Will try to improve my participation to read your wonderful words!
Comment is about ASSUMPTIONS (blog)
Thu 16th Oct 2008 03:03
I hope you like this funny and a bit contradictory poem...Smile:)
Thu 16th Oct 2008 03:01
I like your poem. It shows some of your thoughts in a form of a dream...Great write!!
Comment is about Dream revised (blog)
Original item by Phil Golding
Thu 16th Oct 2008 02:40
The poem is great it show a life progress for each of us. At times life might be like a cold ice and feels empty but as long as you are able to see the sunshine and the starry nights, life is still worth living. Your poem is thought provoking and written well.
Comment is about Artic and Bleak (blog)
Original item by John Boyle
Thu 16th Oct 2008 02:34
Welcome to WriteOutoud, site. I am glad you joined. I am looking forward to your writes. Your poems have been always beautifully penned and enjoyable to read.
Comment is about John Boyle (poet profile)
Thu 16th Oct 2008 02:30
Good to see you here~ I love your poem, it is beautiful. The dolphins are special; they have a human heart and feelings. I am happy to see you joining us here.
Comment is about Like A Dophin ~ I Swam (blog)
Andy Sewina aka Danny Wise
Wed 15th Oct 2008 23:28
Hi Julian, really enjoyed it tonight in Sale and looking forward to the November date. I have posted my poem THREE TO THREE PAST THREE ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON ON THE KIPPAX STREET IN MOSS SIDE MANCHESTER IN 1969 .on my profile page here, if you're interested.
Comment is about Julian Jordon (poet profile)
Original item by Julian Jordon
Wed 15th Oct 2008 20:31
sorry to chip in but i think it's only the first four lines that need a bit of wordplay- the rest of the awake repetition works me.
it lends rhythm and reminds me of prayers or hymns. and then when you say 'i'm awake' at the end i think it adds some humour and warmth- yes you definately are awake :-)
Comment is about Re-awoken (blog)
Original item by Seamus Kelly
Wed 15th Oct 2008 15:54
Val and Darren,
I really appreciate the time and thought you have both put into your comments and such comments were exactly what I was asking for. I think I'll try a version without the repetition that you both mention and I will probably also have a go at getting rid of some of the clichés.
So thanks very much, both of you, for your advice. Maybe I'll be back here with a revised version before too long.
Wed 15th Oct 2008 15:11
For me, there is far too much repetition of the word 'awake'. Although it's being used both as a verb and an adjective in this piece. Maybe, the title of the poem could be 'awake'. That way you may not have to reinforce the underlining theme and let the reader pick between the pieces that you write.
Val suggests using 'your', but I feel that this also is far too much repetition. And I've mentioned this before to somebody else, how about using other pronouns instead of first person accusatives, such as 'he, she, they, her' etc. While this makes it less personal, it shows the you're writing (and thinking) from more than a personal perspective. I would try to avoid that dreaded cliché too. I've lost count of how many 'voices in ears' and 'fingers through hair' I've read.
But yeah, it is different from your usual stuff. That's the whole idea of this forum - to keep trying different styles and imaginative levels of poetry.
Wed 15th Oct 2008 11:04
Brilliant as ever Steve, brilliant!
Wed 15th Oct 2008 10:13
I like it Seamus.The beat builds and then slows down.
Just a thought maybe try taking out "Awake with" try -
Awake with your voice in my ears.
your smile on my face
your hair in my fingers
your frangrance on my mind
your taste on my lips
your wonder in my heart.
Don`t ever let me sleep.
Which ever way you chose to write it Seamus its good,
a very evocative poem.
Wed 15th Oct 2008 04:49
I enjoyed this Peter!
We are big bullys, wonder where we learned it from? The pilot from the Enola killed himself, he was a family friend, he did not know what he was doing, it was a mission and he did it, he was knew however after he dropped it, and what it had caused. As for that tech stuff/bombs I belive we had taken captive german scientists, so you should thank most of them for working for america. But then it did stop the japs as my grandfather called them.Agent orange, I belive we can thank Monsanto, but id have to look it up.
Im not sure if we are the "king".By God we did invent the drive through, and at times Im glad we did, but the poor fat people.The bear never fell, and china has become more wealthy. Third worlds, well its our fault they now need cars. Poor Baghdad, not sure what to say about them, except that it may be possible that they would have imploded. There was no weapons of mass destruction, but then just how many country were fighting that war? Just how many coverd that up? Ther are now other countrys that polute more then america, so they need to join in any clean accord. Im trying to keep this short. your Mom is 100% right. Navigation of the bible can be complex. however worth the read. America is not really in the book of revalation, I belive that may be due to the fact that we are to become a different country in the next 5 years. There are powers at hand that cant be explained any other way. As you know from our talks I was a bible thumper for years, I have read about all kinds of faiths. There is a strand of truth that runs through most, and it almost the same story over and over. We have a grand creator. I enjoyed your poem very much, I agree with it and understand it. Its hard to understand why things cant be fixed. It is sad, but its also a promise, and it is good news, its just hard to accept. xx
Comment is about STOP. . . . . , a m e r i c a (blog)
Wed 15th Oct 2008 03:56
I enjoyed your poem. thanks
Comment is about The Loveless (blog)
Tue 14th Oct 2008 22:18
Cheers for the comment on the poem about my friend.
How are you anyway? Seems like your getting quite a few gigs under your belt now!
Keep in touch mate
Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)
Original item by Jeffarama!
Tue 14th Oct 2008 13:36
Thanks for the thought prevoking comments
Comment is about garside (poet profile)
Original item by garside
Mon 13th Oct 2008 20:32
Thanks for your encouragement to my writing ability. Especially for my fairy story.
I will aim to write some more to add to it or enhance it maybe.
I just write whatever enters my head at any given moment. It's working well for me this way.
However, it can become a nuisance when words start floating around while at work. ha ha.
Love and light,
Comment is about Zuzanna Musial (poet profile)
Mon 13th Oct 2008 20:26
ps. I love your "Hunters" poem.
Very strong words and heartfelt piece i feel.
Very descriptive too. Super stuff.
Comment is about Seamus Kelly (poet profile)
Mon 13th Oct 2008 20:23
Thankyou for your very encouraging comment on my fairy story.
Do you know, just lately, i've kept typing "ae" regularly in error?
After i'd finished this piece, i had a strong urge to tack a moral onto the end of it, but resisted.
I guess i'll have to try expanding it. Watch this space.
Mon 13th Oct 2008 12:59
I like that :)) cheers mate :)).
Mon 13th Oct 2008 10:30
There is nothing you can do or say for it is all written and gone before come what may.
For man is his own enemy on our beautiful Earth and its been this way right from it's birth.
The passion and the heart felt hurt and anger that you feel and write is a release I know and felt by many I expect, feeling helpless, a speck in the human race, but have faith for when the time is come there will be a better place for the good and there will be no more wars, or starving, or injustice, when here on Earth its a test, the best is yet to come, have faith, read the book, you know the one I mean, it is not a dream. Mum xx
Mon 13th Oct 2008 02:03
i NEARLY FELL OVER! iM ALLERGIC TO MONOSODIOUM GLUTAMATE!!
Comment is about Monosodium Glutamate (blog)
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:44
Hi Rodney, sometimes you just cant say know! Different I'll say that but I like it in a strange way, cheers Jeff
ps thanx for comment on "Gamblers of Today"
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:35
Hi Phil, some nice lines here but might need more of a message if you see what I mean, very relaxing though having said that.
Hope to see you weds, cheers Jeff
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:23
Yet again, I identified with your work, the sadness, the analogy with the rain, and the ups and downs, can you read my mind?
Nice to read a poem from you as always, Jeffx
Comment is about Stains of Rain (blog)
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:19
Hi Tony, yes we moan but it helps to think how our parents or ancestors went on, dont know we're born but we still abuse it, oh well, chance to out something back with stuff like this, enjoyed it see ya soon, Jeff
Comment is about Up with the lark (blog)
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:16
Hi Belinda, hope you're well.
This says a lot in 4 lines, lovely write, Jeff X
Comment is about Sister (blog)
Sun 12th Oct 2008 23:13
Hi Cayn, hope you're okay mate.
This is really touching, made all the more so as its way off what you normally write (which I love). Its so poignant, from the heart and a wonderful tribute to your friend who died at such a young age.
Hope to see you soon, Jeff
Comment is about For A Friend (blog)
Sun 12th Oct 2008 22:52
Catching up with poetry as usual, been a busy but good week ( I compered at Wigan!).
Anyway, I like this, very thought provoking. I think that there can't be one person on the planet who can say they don'tr make an assumption!
I train staff and as much as I try (its human nature to assume) not to I make assumptions about who will make it and who wont! The vast majority of times I'm right, but its nice on the occasions I have been wrong!
Hope you're well, best wishes Jeff
Sun 12th Oct 2008 22:47
Glad I've never smoked! Like this its very direct and enough to make anyone think twice. some great lines!
Comment is about Nasty Nail (blog)
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