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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 20:57

This feels like a sort of hermit freedom, rising above the clatter and clamour of the restless body of humanity as they press in our spirit and would seek to suck it out of us. A really fine poem.

Ray

Comment is about Un-slaved (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 20:49

A really strong lyrical movement as with water itself and the power of secrets and pulling down to psychological fear and insight. I Love this poem with a vengeance Martin. The accordion would serve it well. It could do with a John Gielgud rendition!

Ray

Comment is about Drowned (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 20:42

Sorry to stick my neck out with this michael, and I was so impressed by the sheer variety of descriptive words, that I re-read it , and had a thought that it would be as good if not perhaps more lyrical if you were to drop the word AND on the second and fourth verses, thus giving more of an impetus to the reading.
with respect, Ray

Comment is about Dog (blog)

Original item by Michael J Piggott

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 20:23

Thanks Laura for going to so much trouble - a total inspiration all the way. I entirely get your drift, which was why I used the indented format on the three lines only.

This is surely one of the chief purposes of such a site, and you do it credit!
Ray

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Greg Freeman

Thu 4th Feb 2016 19:59

Very kind of you to say so, David. Likewise, I'm sure!

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 4th Feb 2016 19:56

Hi Jemima and thanks-welcome to write out loud.Clouds do indeed hold lots of fascination no matter what the weather.Its just when they wring themselves out that is the problem :0)

Best regards Patricia and Stef.xx

Comment is about Cumulous & Co. (blog)

Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde

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John Coopey

Thu 4th Feb 2016 17:48

You have a knack of captivating my attention with imagery, Graham.

Comment is about Puthering (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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Wolfgar Miere

Thu 4th Feb 2016 17:46

Hey Greg,

hugely looking forward to being in your presence in March.

W.

Comment is about Greg Freeman (poet profile)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Rachel Bond

Thu 4th Feb 2016 17:03

Thank you stu.

Needs an edit i think x

Yeh i like the grapefruits too :)

Comment is about miracle (blog)

Original item by Rachel Bond

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 4th Feb 2016 16:55

I was once told that a moment was 7 seconds in duration. Hi Tommy

Comment is about The Year of the Fish (blog)

Original item by Ellie22

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Tommy Carroll

Thu 4th Feb 2016 16:50

Hi neighbour ;-)

Comment is about Ellie22 (poet profile)

Original item by Ellie22

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M.C. Newberry

Thu 4th Feb 2016 16:17

A well timed comment, Ken.
The imposition of religious law has its origins in the
controlling abuse of the dignity of the human spirit and the
latter's unquenchable desire to seek advancement in the human condition via enlightenment and knowledge.
As I have remarked elsewhere: the sheep have wolves
for shepherds.

Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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jeremy young

Thu 4th Feb 2016 16:08

thank you stu

Comment is about the muslim's tale xii (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

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Robert Mann

Thu 4th Feb 2016 16:00

Graham - a smokey haze of gnats filling the air sounds like a holiday I once had in Scotland ! Good job it rains so much North of the border. Brilliant observation chrystallised in beautiful words.
Rob

Comment is about Puthering (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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Jemima Jones

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:29

oh so romantic Nicola! Thank you.

Comment is about Shadows (blog)

Original item by Nicola Beckett

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Jemima Jones

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:26

awww! Lovely Michael.Thank you.

Comment is about Dog (blog)

Original item by Michael J Piggott

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Robert Mann

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:24

Stu - clues: the crowd are not seeking an autograph, neither do they know her name. The narrator's only contact is in a business sense.
Rob

Comment is about Silent Witness 2 (Supernova) (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

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ken eaton-dykes

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:24

At some future period,
not very distant as measured
by centuries, the civilized races
of man will almost certainly
exterminate and replace
the savage races throughout
the World.

Charles Darwin.

Comment is about Poet reprieved from execution but still faces 800 lashes and long jail term (article)

Original item by Greg Freeman

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Jemima Jones

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:24

cloud watching is such a common past time.Enjoyed this very much.Thank you.

Comment is about Cumulous & Co. (blog)

Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde

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Jemima Jones

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:22

Beautiful Noris.Thank you.

Comment is about Chimes of silence (blog)

Original item by Noris Roberts

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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:20

Just got in from walking the dog and read this poem so apt and entertaining just like our animals mine is the daftest lurcher you would care to meet love the busyness of your poem well done ( : C

Comment is about Dog (blog)

Original item by Michael J Piggott

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Jemima Jones

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:19

Very effective words indeed Graham.

Comment is about Thief (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:12

Ha ha so funny keep them coming x

Comment is about Coffee shop blues (blog)

Original item by Pauliegreg

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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:09

Such a funny yet exasperating ending feel for you x

Comment is about Ocean Blue (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

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chris yates

Thu 4th Feb 2016 15:06

Memories life is made of them a pleasure to have a glimpse into your childhood the good old days uncomplicated pleasures x

Comment is about Cake Mix (blog)

Original item by Jon Darby

Preeti Sinha

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:50

Teach me how to write such simple lines. No drama no bs. Just great lines which encapsulate what people are feeling. Succinct and powerful.

Comment is about Thief (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Preeti Sinha

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:48

Oh Graham. This is stunningly good. Got goosebumps.

Comment is about Sole to Soul (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Preeti Sinha

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:46

I never thought anyone could make gnats so interesting. Brilliant in its observation.

Comment is about Puthering (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:42

intriguing, like the first part.

this gives a little more away and is quite captivating as part of a larger piece.

makes me want to find out more about both you and this girl who i assume is a celebrity of some sorts (and dead!)

Comment is about Silent Witness 2 (Supernova) (blog)

Original item by Rob J Mann

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:39

his body moved like fresh grapefruits

that is a fine line!

very accomplished piece of writing. doesnt lag and is interesting and nicely wordy throughout.

enjoyed.

Comment is about miracle (blog)

Original item by Rachel Bond

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:37

jeremy. just wanted to say i am keeping up with these and they are excellent. like an old greek epic in size and scope. wont comment on them all (its a huge undertaking!) but i am enjoying them.

Comment is about the muslim's tale xii (blog)

Original item by jeremy young

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:35

yes this is great! reminds me of tony soprano at the start of the first series when he finds the ducks in his swimming pool. great stuff.

Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)

Original item by GeeProcessor

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Wolfgar Miere

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:33

There is something intangible about the feeling of moving across water, harnessing the planets power.

It vibrates through a man, makes him feel connected.

Men really don't need men, they need the greatest mother known.

Comment is about Un-slaved (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Stu Buck

Thu 4th Feb 2016 14:32

gorgeous martin. brackish ponds. blackened meres. sodden tides. just lovely sensuous writing and flows beautifully. would be great live i think, possibly with accordion accompaniment.

Comment is about Drowned (blog)

Original item by Martin Elder

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Laura Taylor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 13:41

Yoohoo! :D Just got your messages. Now then, this indent works well, for me. It brings attention to those lines, focuses the reader much more on the path you are creating for them, the linguistic trick you are playing on them and the trap you are setting, and using the 'diagnosis' word to signpost it for them.

A reader now sees it mounting up into raised eyebrows territory, and they're thinking "is he saying what I THINK he's saying?! Well I never!" sorta thing ;) (cos they're NOT thinking "Is that significant? Should I be taking notice of this somehow? I don't know what it means"

You say you believe it to be a better presentation, and it is, you're right ;)

Enjoy the experimentation - I tried it a couple of times and loved it!

Comment is about A RESTORER'S LOT (blog)

Original item by ray pool

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 11:53

I've just now checked about Concrete Poetry, and it has opened my eyes to the potential, and I think I will definitely give more consideration to construction as and when it inspires me - maybe a few experiments on the way.
Thanks so much Laura.

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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raypool

Thu 4th Feb 2016 11:43

Hi Laura. Just to say that I've re - entered The Restorer's Lot on the basis of your comments, leaving three lines indented as I feel they need a special emphasis. I think this is a better presentation.
So thanks again for an intelligent take.!!

Comment is about Laura Taylor (poet profile)

Original item by Laura Taylor

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Wolfgar Miere

Thu 4th Feb 2016 11:03

Thanks Martin,

I'm stuck in a land locked country, its not natural.

Much appreciated,

Wolfie.

Comment is about Un-slaved (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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John Coopey

Thu 4th Feb 2016 10:08

I'm getting there, Harry (apart from the hair).
(And I think you need her permission before Yvonne lets you beat her)

Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Laura Taylor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 09:57

Morning Ray!

Yeh, I thought it may be something along those lines of 'sexing up', as you called it. If a poem is 'good' (and we are always in the loop of subjectivity when we judge a piece of art), then it will stand on its own two feet (or four, in this case heh).

Unless there is a 'concrete' (see what I did there?) reason for arranging the text in a certain way, it serves to distract rather than enhance. It makes the reader instantly wonder about the significance of the arrangement, and in the process, focus is taken away from the actual poem.

It would be well worth your time to read up a little about concrete poetry actually, so that you can have a play with it. I'd never heard of it until about 3 or 4 years ago when I reviewed a book of poems about rock-climbing, and the writer had laid out her poems in different cliff and climbing formations. It was a real joy and surprise to read.

Anyway, if you don't know about it, have a gander:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concrete_poetry

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

Martin Elder

Thu 4th Feb 2016 09:20

Great poem , I like the rhythm and the flow to it. I will bet it goes down well spoken live.

Comment is about THOSE DAMN DUCKS (blog)

Original item by GeeProcessor

Martin Elder

Thu 4th Feb 2016 09:18

Beautifully put Wolfie. I love the sailing analogy . I can just imagine the ship in full sail.

Comment is about Un-slaved (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Joyti

Thu 4th Feb 2016 04:47

Many a former Hawk turns Dove, (though still too few) it is a useful and influential heritage.
J.

Comment is about Beyond the coriolis (blog)

Original item by Wolfgar

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Joyti

Thu 4th Feb 2016 04:43

Thanks both for your comments. There being nothing new under the Sun, definitely not only poetry.
J

Comment is about Pointing at planes (blog)

Original item by Joyti

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GeeProcessor

Thu 4th Feb 2016 03:43

man your work is BANGIN

Comment is about Double Dark (blog)

Original item by J. Otis Powell‽ (with interrobang)

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Noris Roberts

Thu 4th Feb 2016 01:15

Hi Jim, no need for blushing :) I really appreciate you comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion. Thank you.

Comment is about Jim Trott (poet profile)

Original item by Jim Trott

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Noris Roberts

Thu 4th Feb 2016 01:13

Hi, Ray thank you so much for your kind comment on my poem Vibrating in the unison of the scream of passion.

Comment is about ray pool (poet profile)

Original item by ray pool

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 21:18

That fat guy isn`t you with your hair dyed, is it John?

(Yvonne has never forgiven some woman who beat her thirty years ago)

Comment is about 70m DASH (blog)

Original item by John Coopey

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 21:05

Cynthia,
I like the way rhe perplexed, befuddled discombobulated, scruffy, and the ruffled furious robin,
seem to be all trying to re-compose themselves after the wind

Comment is about Wind from my Window (blog)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Harry O'Neill

Wed 3rd Feb 2016 20:55

Graham,
That: `To dance a bust stitch` says it best.

Comment is about Puthering (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

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