Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 24th Apr 2013 12:22
I'm with you! Lots of people are in this camp - do not feel alone! This 'concept' has gained great ground with our 'advanced' technology that shows us persons and events that we can no longer be certain are 'real life' or 'real time' (whatever those are supposed to be.) It really isn't far off the celebrated notion of 'all the world is a stage...etc.' which S. so aptly captured at the level of the not so magically educated.
Comment is about Checkpoint (blog)
Original item by Kealan Coady
Wed 24th Apr 2013 12:07
There is a lot to be said for wasting your time doing something else, I'd recommend doing nothing. Enjoyed the poem.
Comment is about The Blahs (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Wed 24th Apr 2013 12:02
I'm reminded of the films the Matrix and Wreckin Ralph. The authentic experience seems to be a constant theme in your writing, I dunno, 'All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace.' Enjoyed the conclusion.
Wed 24th Apr 2013 11:02
good poem-great series!x
Comment is about Jimmy Rockford (blog)
Original item by Shirley Smothers
Wed 24th Apr 2013 10:59
great stuff Frederick-keep on keeping on!x
Comment is about 21st century maladie (blog)
Original item by Frederick Kesner
Wed 24th Apr 2013 10:17
Thanks, steve. The title was deliberately chosen - part of me wants to rescue the word Grooming from unhealthy associations. I think it's true that people see certain words and assume the worst. I do it myself with the word Robust.
I see what you mean about the 5th line.
Comment is about Grooming (blog)
Wed 24th Apr 2013 10:14
Sorry Harry - meant to reply to your last note and forgot! It was heartening to read :) Thank you.
Comment is about Harry O`N eill (Poet profile)
Original item by Harry O`N eill
Wed 24th Apr 2013 10:12
Argh! Great finish there Jan! :D
Agree with Mr Black - you ARE always worth a read, your style is so different to anything else I've read on here. I know your syntax may come from English maybe not being your first language, but there's a lyrical touch to it sometimes, for me anyway :)
Comment is about misunderstanding (blog)
Original item by jan oskar hansen
Wed 24th Apr 2013 09:54
As mentioned on facecrack - love it!
Wed 24th Apr 2013 09:53
This is fantastic - so densely packed with ideas and images. You are experimenting like crazy these days and it's ace!
Comment is about Virus (blog)
Wed 24th Apr 2013 09:43
Very atmospheric John - am with you there in the dark, at that time when you are most alone
Comment is about Two a.m. (blog)
Original item by John Darby (aka John boy)
Wed 24th Apr 2013 02:17
Mr Cooke- ''unfortunately the one I refer to isn't to be found anywhere so I couldn't post it.'' this is just not good enough. Tommy
Comment is about David Cooke (Poet profile)
Original item by David Cooke
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 23:34
Comment is about Serena at the net (blog)
The flow of her, lovel and thanx for your comment Harry
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 22:22
As proud as Lucifer
you breathed your devil's breath
O accursed angel of hell
spurned from heaven to prey on death.
Subject us no more to your closed doors
O vicious Iron Maiden,
return to purge the evil dead
leave the living to find a haven.
Bluebeard soul reincarnate
your bloody hands harassed the meek
persecuted the elderly
and destroyed the weak.
So go back. Go! With your blue devil disciples
return no more with that apron of blue.
May just fires rise to melt your iron
till liquid, it runs from view.
Comment is about The Iron Lady's funeral blues poems (article)
Original item by Julian Jordon
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 21:54
Hi Tommy I suppose I could have tried my photographer poem less enigmatic! It's Willi Ronis - although Cartier-Bresson was pretty close. There's a lot of his photos online, but unfortunately the one I refer to isn't to be found anywhere so I couldn't post it.
Comment is about Tommy Carroll (Poet profile)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 21:53
Thank you both - poems get a bit darker from now on! Katy
Comment is about Patricia and Stefan Wilde (Poet profile)
Original item by Patricia and Stefan Wilde
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 21:26
Cartier Bresson? 1962- Liverpool? this poem will take a few reads- Tommy
Comment is about Photographer (blog)
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 20:30
I think there is a name for such poems but damned if I can remember what. Cath Nichols does a similar, though not as clever, one about going on a demo in London. It's almost palindromic I suppose.
Very clever indeed. I wonder what Steve Waling will make of it?
Comment is about Still Life (blog)
Original item by Jez Green
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 20:25
ER, you Harry?
Nice one Cathy. A neat universal-in-the-particular here; the particular being your mum's gender agenda.
Comment is about Wolves (blog)
Original item by Cathy Crabb
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 20:18
I completely concur with Shirley.
In Berne's model of transactional analysis he suggests each of us combines elements of Parent, Adult and Child. So may people these days seem not to be able to throw off the Child - seeing misfortune as something others have done to them, hoping some other authority will provide for them.
We may not sit on the same end of the political spectrum, MC, but you have my respect and support to post whatever you wish.
Comment is about COMPASSION FATIGUE BLUES (blog)
Original item by M.C. Newberry
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 20:17
I agree so much with Tommy on this. if it has taken so long to prosecute the racist thugs, how long is ti going ot take to prosecute both the guilty, and the inadequate police officers? In many ways this is perhaps more important than the Thatcher stuff.
Well done Mark, for your well-judged poem, and for the reminder.
Comment is about One Of Us - A Stephen Lawrence Tribute (blog)
Original item by Mark Mr T Thompson
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 17:29
thanks for the recent comment on my poem, much appreciated.
Comment is about (Poet profile)
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 17:26
john, thanks for your comment and sentiment on my recent poem. much appreciated.
Comment is about John Coopey (Poet profile)
Original item by John Coopey
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 17:25
isobel, thanks for your comment on my recent poem. very kind.
Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 17:24
thanks harry for your comment on 'as she lay dying'
sometimes i get frustrated by my ability to write effectively about those things that most effect me most. the poem came as a result of that frustration.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 16:19
thanks all, much appreciated.
Comment is about As She Lay Dying (blog)
Original item by Tom Harding
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 16:10
You poems are beautiful and powerful. I found your profile through Julian.
Welcome to a great site.
Comment is about Suhad Hijazi (Poet profile)
Original item by Suhad Hijazi
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 16:06
Wow! A powerful piece.
I can't help with any
improvement, but it's
Comment is about Mum's Dream - حُلْمُ أُمْ (العربية / (blog)
Original item by Poetry in Translation Group
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:56
If you are a native speaker of a language other than English, we would love you to have a go at translating this poem into your language. We would also appreciate it if you can get other users of that language to help with either translating or commenting on the translation. You can contact the original poet via her profile or by leaving a comment here.
Comment is about link
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:44
M.C. has got this exactly with his `wry smile`
Good one about not being too previous.
The following are Fatima's notes on the challenges in translating an English poem into Arabic:
For this cross cultural poetry project I have asked my dear friend and poet Fred Holland for permission to translate his poem ‘Unsuited’ included in his poetry collection ‘In Guarded Conversation’. Here are some of the difficulties/challenges I was faced with:
Meaning of words and expressions:
I had to double check meaning of words to make sure I understood the correctly especially in the context in which they were used.
Expressions such as “Alas!” (first line of the poem) are not available in the formal Arabic language, however, this differs according to the various informal dialects found in each Arabic country.
“but I would hate you make you cry” the word but in the beginning of the sentences can not be translated literally as it will not give the same meaning which the poet had intended and thus was replaced with the equivalent of “without”.
“make you cry” also was not easy to express in Arabic; as I had to use a very different verb than “make”, I used “push you to cry”
The expression “say” (the end of the fourth line) has no equivalent in the Arabic language there is a letter that can be linked to words to indicate the giving of examples which I have used to translate this sentence.
2. Literal translation led to loss of meaning:
When I tried translating some words literally I felt the meaning, the music and the feeling of the poem was lost, e.g. the word 'unsuited' (the title) if I had written the exact equivalent in Arabic it would sound like objects not being suitable such as clothing, the term when used for a couple will not give the meaning which the poet intended and thus was replaced with 'incompatible'.
3. The forming of a sentence:
All English phrases/sentences read to an Arab upside down! The Arabic sentence always starts with a verb and not the noun, e.g. “Not a day would pass” (second/third line) cannot be translated without changing the place of the verb “pass” and having it in the beginning in order to make sense of the sentence.
Every word (noun/verb/adjective) has a gender in Arabic and thus words were changed in order to indicate gender.
5. Cultural ambiguity:
Even though I have translated the phrase “no friends would come” (seventh line) an Arab reader will wonder why it was put there, and would question whether a line such as this one would serve the poem at all, mainly because relationship in the Arab world are very personal and private, looking beyond the relationship on to how friends would feel almost never happens.
In many instances in the poem the sentences were short, summarised, as if the less the poet had to explain the better the quality of the poem. I find in Arabic poetry there’s almost a need to explain, to extend description (as describing and the beauty of description is highly appreciated in Arabic poetry) to give the reader a clearer picture of what the poet intends to say rather than the minimalist approach often used in English poetry.
Fatima AL Matar http://www.writeoutloud.net/poets/fatimaalmatar
John F Keane
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:39
Simply that poverty and social problems were not exclusive to the Thatcher era. As is now widely accepted, the so-called 'post-War consensus' was rife with racism, class-distinction and poverty. To attribute these maladies solely to Thatcher is ridiculous. They existed before her and they exist now she has gone (oddly ameliorated, to no small degree).
Comment is about J F Keane (Poet profile)
Original item by J F Keane
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:30
Hi Shirley - we could do with a bit of that famous "can do" that typifies the American(s) Iknow - some of whom are very blunt about those who they see as dragging them down all the time. Never could understand though why such a freedom-conscious "neighbourly" nation never organised the equivalent of our National Health Service (one of the Labour Party's very greatest achievements). What could be so vital as peace of mind when ill-health strikes?
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:17
This is an amended version of new Writer-Out-Loud Souhad Harif's poem, originally written in Arabic then translated by Souhad, then amended by me (rather poorly, I agree. Can you help improve it? See below.
Souhad's poem in Arabic and English is on the translation wiki here: http://www.writeoutloud.net/trans/viewpoem.php?poemsid=5.
Click on <View History> to see Souhad's original version and any others as they are amended.
You can have a go at doing better than I have. You know how, sometimes, you would like to not just comment but help improve a poem? Well, the wiki allows you to have a go at that, so long as you are genuinely trying to help in the translation. Or you could use the translation as a basis for a further poem of your own - but do please attribute the source.
I am posting this to alert you to the translation wiki's possibilities. There are already poems on there in English awaiting translation into Urdu, Bangla or...? And in those languages awaiting translation into English. We obviously need help from people with the necessary language skills, both English and the other languages, but also from target language speakers who might help render a better poem in that language. For instance, anyone of our online community can have a go at this.
Soon, we intend that you can get your poems translated into various languages, as a way of internationalising what Write Out Loud does best, and of overcoming linguistic barriers to participation in the UK live poetry scene that is comprehensively listed on our gig guide. Obviously, the quid pro quo is that you help others create good English language versions of theirs.
You can see more about the wiki here: http://www.writeoutloud.net/trans/translationpoems.php?profilesid=2179
And please do add any comments, offers or suggestions in the comments boxes. Thank you/Shokran!
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:14
There seems to be a curiously appealing trait of...
"when it's bad, there's always something worse
around the corner" that encourages a wry smile.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 15:08
glad you liked 'ghost of summer' Solar - give me a shout if you need a hand with that sun oil ;-)
Comment is about Solar (Poet profile)
Original item by Solar
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 14:54
To visit Souhad's profile: http://www.writeoutloud.net/profiles/suhadhijazi.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 14:50
Suhad is a young Palestinian woman currently living in the UK. She has a PhD in translation studies from Manchester University.
Suhad has offered this poem of hers to allow us to pilot this feature on the website. She wrote it in Arabic then provided her own translation, which I have now amended. to see the original, click on <view history. at the top.
I have to say that I was very nervous about amending the translation, as Suhad's English is excellent - obviously, given that she has successfully completed her PhD. However, the point of this experiment is to encourage participation in translation so that we can create a community, or communities, of poets from across linguistic divides.
So please feel free to make any changes you wish to the translation. You will not be seen as criticising her poem but offering ideas and suggestions to it. We shall not lose the original because you have had a go at amending the translation.
You can ask questions of Suhad or make comments in these boxes.
We also hope you offer us comments on the difficulties and challenges of translating and rendering a new version, or the ideas it gives you for your own work.
Thanks for your help and interest.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 14:36
Thank you and yes - your right it should be more like a sine wave - but kinda tricky to do in a straght text editor and markup code as this one was origionaly! Must get a proper ASCII art program some time. This is more of a bouncing ball realy. I have a look at that competition, thanks.
Comment is about On Reflection (blog)
Original item by Roger Fizzerton
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 13:55
Good go at a shaped one.
You`d need to curve the top and bottom of it.
Do you know that MAGMA is doing a competition on these?
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 13:17
really good poem Mr&Mrs W!
with one suggestion-
'until-MOONLIGHT- is made obsolete
by dawns arrival.
Comment is about New rules (blog)
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 12:55
very enjoyable Mr.W.
that 'spectral sun'
is behaving itself very nicely today!
-might dust the bikini off!x
Comment is about The Ghost Of Summer (blog)
Original item by Ian Whiteley
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 12:53
mine is not my best but it said what i felt towards her (i do write political poems however but don't always share them as some are personal).
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 11:37
Thanks Steve, visual poetry is a bit of thing with me, I'm glad you enyoyed it.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 11:22
What's your point, caller?
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:46
It's wonderful to see and read that your writing again Gus. I love this. It resonates.
Comment is about Dark Night (blog)
Original item by Gus Jonsson
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:31
You bring a certain Scandinavian joie de vivre to WriteOutLoud, you're always worth a read Mr Hansen.
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:24
Clearly not one for the happy-go-lucky merchants but I think it is a success in terms of construction and meaning. You've covered a lot of ground quickly, no pun intended.
Comment is about Words No Bigger Than Nails (blog)
Tue 23rd Apr 2013 10:13
I read a poem about the unwanted in a cosmetic sense, something which the system knowingly or otherwise plays a part in. In light of the child's initial rejection it makes difficult reading. Clearly the title has certain connotations which probably prevents some from reading but it works in context. For some reason the 5th line jars, probably a rhyme and rhythm thing but it doesn't really detract, just falls short of some of the other lines. This reminds of some of your work on mental health, I've gone on record as saying I think such work is important.
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