clarissa mckone

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Thu 28th Aug 2008 01:53

HI peter, No hes not super man. My dad is not either. But we love them. They teach, what they know. I loved the poem very much. I remember seeing similar lessons, and teaching them, to my kids. I try not to kill anything, even the bugs. I dont know about your dad, but mine loves calls from me and the kids, seems he lives for talk. He tells me I will understand some day, when Im old and alone. I do understand already to a point. We must let go of the wrong, and embrace what was right.Our parents loved us and did the best that they could, and knew to do. I loved this poem, it made me happy for you.thanks

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Wed 27th Aug 2008 22:36

Hi Jordan,
Your poem reminds me of one of those rare, expensive pieces of china figurines one would buy at an antique fayre or pottery factory.

There is a good likeness in the lines of your write in comparison with the painting of an old mans portrait.

Love Janet.xx

Comment is about The Aged (blog)

Original item by Jordan

Janet Ramsden

Wed 27th Aug 2008 22:11

Hello Pete,
I agree with Darren, which makes a change.
Your poem tells a wonderful, yet true to life story of how a Father affects his childs outlook on life. Also the fantastic memories of those moments in the shed which can never be altered.
Then the first 5 lines of the last stanza, say everything. For me anyway.

Love Janet.xx

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Janet Ramsden

Wed 27th Aug 2008 21:52

Is the analogy between the dove and an owl deliberate?

Great topical, political ( almost an anagram here) piece Antonionioni.
Love Janet.xx

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 27th Aug 2008 21:25

Scott.
Nice poem.Like the idea about the folded up picture.Spring loaded backing to the picture.Nice.
Should have been on the cd, we both have some faded picture poems.

Like Lauretta said in the howcroft, respect, but still hurt by some things

Good Work.I do like this poem.

Comment is about Wrong Name (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 27th Aug 2008 21:20

This is one of those journey poems that I always find easy to jump along and enjoy. The thing I enjoy in particular with journey poems (as I call them) is you get a refreshing break from your own world and see the journey through the writer, in this case Steve I'm taken thru oxford rd, Manchester. Sure thats not where you set it, but I know youve come from suburbia into the city and what I see in this poem is your one line observations. The repeat of 'i'ts' sets the pace. It has become the mantra throughout . Theres loads of imagery here, and I like to decipher such lines as 'vessels along paths that defy compass readings' , the trams perhaps to the 'city'
a vessel half empty perhaps, at least of bursting life. SOme people dead on arrival perhaps.

you write as though you wish to be disconnected from it, I think that your interpretation of your surroundings is as interesting as the actual observation, that's what intrigues me.

the only word I would change is 'morning'
actually no.
actually yes
no
I have no right to alter, I suppose to be pure to the author, you would need to alter the entire first verse, I just reckon that by adding mystery of the time of day it would make it fun

as mornings are normally pitch black in winter!
if you gotta get into town for 9 the latest.

'footfall to fathom' is great line a guessing game of who has got up in the house as the creak and slam a door on the day

great mini travelougue

have you tried a condensed performance version
could have an alternate mini version, punchy to hit em hard, keep this little gem Steve

xxxx

let em work out when it is......

Pete x

Comment is about Perfect City (blog)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Pete Crompton

Wed 27th Aug 2008 18:43

Hi Darren, thanks
I read it back, needs some abridgement, enough there to salvage it though. theres some stuff i would cut, changes etc, core is good enough though. This is where a college / uni course could help me.

many thanks

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Jeff Dawson

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 17:41

Hi Steve! was gonna let you know I'd blogged it but you beat me to it!

Please be assured I've no Robbie in my collection!! You can sleep easy!! You have to put something in for the girls!!

Yes a quite eclectic colletion, mainly punk and new wave but some more main stream stuff like U2, REM Pink Floyd etc. Recently I must be getting soft or more poetic, like Amy McDonald!!

Love music and spent my life going to gigs.

Thanks for comment, see you soon, Jeff

Comment is about Steve O'Connor (Poet profile)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Darren Thomas

Wed 27th Aug 2008 14:54

a

Dave will you put the above 'a' before the word 'kick' from my last post.
There's a good chap...

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Darren Thomas

Wed 27th Aug 2008 14:52

Yes, there are some fine lines indeed Mr Morgan. Fine lines indeed.

PS If Scott gives you any mither, give him kick in the rhyming couplets.

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Darren Thomas

Wed 27th Aug 2008 11:45

Pete this is wonderful, wonderful piece.

Here comes a hint of emotion, shy
And I offer my harvest to your hands
These days you die

I love this bit, especially 'and I offer harvest to your hands'.

Great piece - every last piece of emotion that went into it can be felt.

Comment is about My father is not superman (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 27th Aug 2008 11:38

Sorry about the spelling, there is no edit facility on comments ! yikes

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 27th Aug 2008 11:37

many thanks. yes It needs the re read for the hidden meaning! thanks Clarissa and Steve.

Clarissa you aint dumb! Have you seen your poetry!

The poem deals with assumptions as Steve points out, it also deals with disposalble culture throw away culture, and how machines are repalcing or invading the home and our cultural values, for example 'fifty knuckle shuffle' this refers to, well its a slang word for (doing something to yourself for pleasure)

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

Steve OConnor

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 11:22

Howdo Pete

Well. You've written a rum 'un here! Still, I'll bite.

Top-notch opening line. At first I thought that I had read something like it before, but I think it's a case of a 'it's so good - why hasn't someone written it before?' scenario.

"in a trance I watched the drums spin and the pair of us stood together
like gay lovers on a his and hers shopping exhibition
I wore the trousers this time" - Your fourth stanza is an absolute blinder. I like how it plays with perception and assumptions.

In fact, I think you've done something really interesting with this poem in that it demands a re-read to get it. Just because there's brevity doesn't mean there's nothing going on.

Cracking stuff.

Steve

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

clarissa mckone

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 04:06

HI Cyan,
I just loved this one. It may be your best ever!

Comment is about The Kitten Strangler (blog)

Original item by Cayn White

clarissa mckone

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 03:28

I remember the same class, I to hated it. I refused to kill the frog. I got in a fight with the girl that cut open the cat, in the cat lab.I had a hard time with the earthworm, I could not kill him. To this day I save them. I understand this poem and could feel your words very well. nice work!

Comment is about Mr Salters Chemistry set (blog)

clarissa mckone

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 03:26

super capacity is best/heavy duty. But then Im not sure what this is about. After all, what could I know. I think they still sell people out in open markets in like saudia arabia.I like the rhyme of the last part of the poem. I dont want to be a machine.

Comment is about White Goods (pt1) (blog)

clarissa mckone

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Wed 27th Aug 2008 03:23

hi, well Im sure Im missing it, must be some UK type terms here, that just flew over my little dumb american head. I felt while reading it as if I was in another world, that perhaps I should laugh, or was I on acid? Im sure Im just missing the slang and dont get it. Im sure its great.

Comment is about White Goods (pt2) (blog)

Darren Thomas

Tue 26th Aug 2008 23:32

Alreet Jeffo... Sunday was a good night. Nay, Sunday was a fine night and one to be recorded in the annuls of WOL folklore.
As far as tribute bands go - I'm afraid I don't do tribute bands. As good as they are, they're not the real McCoy. The Stanglers are inimitable. If I heard a tribute band I wouldn't be able to get the concept of 'Jive Bunny' or 'Stars on 45' out of my head.
It's the boys themselves or nothing for me. If you're going in October/ November let me know. I usually get to a couple of gigs in and around the North West. Although Dublin would be a good one?

Somewhere outside Tokyo invented time.
Someone with a million watches invented time...

Poetry.

Comment is about Jeffarama! (Poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Sandre Clays

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 23:23

How beautiful. Lovely imagery

Comment is about NATURE JOY (blog)

Original item by Zuzanna Musial

Richard Brooks

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 18:15

Im glad yyou could appreciate the dyslexia poem, I was conviinced I was, had the tets done but I'm not according to the psychologis! Thanks for taking the time out to comment. Ric

Comment is about Andy N (Poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Jeff Dawson

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 17:37

Nice one A, like the analogy, cheers Jeff

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Jeff Dawson

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 17:33

Hi Dave, yes it could be associated with the have's and have nots (no houses now etc) of the olympics!

- The opposition is demoted, exiled or deleted. The new way is the best way, the only way.

Seriously though, its a great poem and good to read it full now, some fine lines, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Jeff Dawson

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 17:18

Just Popadum down here!

Nice one Ant, its a very atmospheric place with wonderful sights and smells, love it - work nearby! - You've captured all sides of it here though, cheers Jeff

Comment is about Manchester open-top bus tour (blog)

Pete Crompton

Tue 26th Aug 2008 11:22

Hi Tom, good to see you on here.

Comment is about (Poet profile)

David Morgan

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 10:11

Good God I never gave it a thought! It was conceived (with the lights off) as just another piece of rambling autobiography. Hope you liked it anyway.

Dave

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 01:58

Hello, Antonio

When I read that you meeting in person it make me feel so much left out. It is such a nice feeling to be able to meet the other fellow poet. Thank you Antonio for sharing the beauty of your city with in your poetry lines...I feel if I was walking there on foot.

Great write!
Zuzanna

Comment is about Magic bus (blog)

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 01:54

Hello, Phil

Deep psychological write-It has a solid base of a World wide attitude; correct me if I am wrong, please. It sounds like the quoteā€¯ Loved thy neighbour." I agree, it is true feeling all over the World these days sort of apathy from people, not sure why this happening here too...Thank you for sharing your thoughts in the poem.


Good to read from you again.

Have a pleasant day!
Zuzanna

Comment is about Congestion of Souls (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 01:11

Hi, Tim

Congratulations to all British Olympians for the amount of Medals in Beijing.

Tim, nice poem!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Olympic Sports (blog)

Original item by Tim Linton

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 01:07

Dear Sandre

Your Imagination shows a wonderful writer in this great poem
it is very creative with an excellent rhyme and very imaginary,
if I was to live in a Dreams World.
Thank you for sharing a well written poem.

Great Work!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about A Bit of a Devil (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 01:01

Dear Melissa

What a delightful poem you have here. I loved the dreamy style, the uncertain feelings of falling down...It shows very well your inner thoughts through your words. Fantastic write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Under Water (blog)

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 00:47

HI, Antonio

The poem guide me through the city you are located. Nicely presented, the reader can feel the rhythm of the city beat at night...Lovely poem.

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Manchester open-top bus tour (blog)

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 00:45

Hello, Antonio

I was thinking rather of the Election that is unsure in USA Antonio, especially when you mentioned the Pipe smoke that relates to a Peace Pipe in an Aboriginal rituals or Cherokee Indians...Well you got me thinking here. Nice write!!

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 00:41

Hello, Lenny

Hot and sizzling write, Wow!!
Well done erotic write.

Thank you,
Zuzanna

Comment is about Live and Die (blog)

Original item by Lenny Gazbowski

Zuzanna Musial

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 00:32

Dear Poetry Friends

Pete, Clarissa, Melanie, Sandre Janet and Jeff:
Thank you each and every one for the wonderful comments!
Your words are inspiration to me to write more.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Kind regards,
Zuzanna

Comment is about WITH OUT YOU (blog)

Original item by Zuzanna Musial

Lenny Gazbowski

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Tue 26th Aug 2008 00:07

Andy & Mel,

appreciate your comments.

Lenny

Comment is about Pet Dog Poem (blog)

Original item by Lenny Gazbowski

Sandre Clays

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 23:43

Is this Boris Johnson?

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

Sandre Clays

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 23:41

This is the Bejing Olympics, yeah?

Comment is about Confucian Chronicles (blog)

Original item by Dave Morgan

Alan Summers

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 21:42

Good to see a haiku here! ;-)

I like the Japanese horror film aspect of this! ;-)

all my best,

Alan
http://www.withwords.org.uk

Comment is about Tears Haiku (blog)

Original item by Jordan

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:50

I think this is very well wrote.. Clearly you spent some serious work on this! Nice one!

Comment is about A Bit of a Devil (blog)

Original item by Sandre Clays

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:48

I don't know how you do it! If I wrote stuff when I was pissed, I would either be unable to read my handwriting or it would be rude enough to get this website shut down! lol

Comment is about Manchester City (blog)

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:47

Short but certainly not sweet! It made me think several times that certainly, but I think it is excellent!

Comment is about The Pier (blog)

Original item by Belinda

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:45

That's quite subtle for you, tone i think! Good stuff!

Comment is about The three-part coo of the dove (blog)

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:41

I think you read this out at Freed Up, didn't you? If so, I remember enjoying it although I do think Janet's suggestion was spot on thou!

Comment is about City my City (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:38

I think this is a poem that needs a couple of reads to let everything sink, which I guess is usually a good thing! Interesting......

Comment is about As I Leave (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:38

I suffer from Dyspraxia m8 which is a more extreme verison of Dylsexia, and from my muddled up head I love this! Perhaps next time I cock up writing my poetry, I should leave it to confuse people even more - lol

Comment is about Dsyelxic? I tihnk not! (blog)

Original item by Richard Brooks

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:36

I still don't know how you keep doing these, tone as I always find writing sonnets a nightmare but this is good stuff as always!

Comment is about Stars stuck (blog)

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:35

Reminds me of one or two of my own poems, m8 in the sense there is more going on than you give straight away - I think your use of subtle a lot!

Comment is about Love Beach (blog)

Original item by Tim Linton

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:34

Yeah, copying Antonioni - I think this is a hard hitting poem but think it always wasn't going to be a comedy if you know what I mean, but I think you pulled it out without going too overboard which is a trap a lot off poets fall into with this kind of thing!

Comment is about Helpless (blog)

Original item by Carol Falaki

andy n

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Mon 25th Aug 2008 20:33

For me, there is a lot unspoken in this piece, but I think this is lovely! A lot of strong emotions on this without being too clunky! Good stuff

Comment is about Worn (blog)

Original item by Carol Falaki

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