clarissa mckone

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 18:24

Its interesting, reads well.

Comment is about my botanist (blog)

clarissa mckone

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 18:23

very nice read!

Comment is about 'The Lady By The Sea' (blog)

clarissa mckone

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 18:22

Hi Yosh, very good poem here, it reads like a song almost.

Comment is about SOMETHING TO BELEIVE IN.... (blog)

John Bosley

Thu 9th Apr 2009 17:30

YES - IT'S T O N I G H T

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE

Comment is about Huddersfield Poets Still at Albert (article)

Darren Thomas

Thu 9th Apr 2009 17:24

Hi Gary (hope you don't mind unsolicited comments - even though I'd promised myself I would stop making them).

An intimate piece soaked in sincerity. You can feel the hurt inside your words, but from a literary perspective, the overuse of some tried and tested cliché can appear to dilute some of that sincerity that you no doubt feel.

Have you tried writing in the 'third person'?
Sometimes when we do this, it can be more appealing to any potential reader. Although you may feel that it can de-personalize (?) your work, it shows a great empathy for others. Which is nearly always a winner in the popularity stakes.

I can relate to some of what you write about - and that, I enjoy.

D.

Comment is about 'Angel' (blog)

Darren Thomas

Thu 9th Apr 2009 17:08

Hi Yosh - I ignored the punctuation and almost instantly picked up a rhythm. It 'sounds' similar to stuff from the spoken word artist 'Polarbear', who, when in full flow, is second to none in his delivery and choice of assonance rhyme.
Maybe in the not too distant future, you can give him a run for his money?

Comment is about SOMETHING TO BELEIVE IN.... (blog)

Alan Holdsworth

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 16:28

watch out in Amsterdam Gus!! and well done
shoeless!! cheers, alan.

Comment is about ATHIEST (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

Darren Thomas

Thu 9th Apr 2009 16:14

I like this.

I read it as a you returning to a social scene after an unforced period of absence, like the breakdown of a relationship? How you conceal your true emotions and insecurities and how you behave as you're expected to behave. Two identities almost. The person people believe you are and a real self buried deep within.
Well crafted. No sharp words with a good flow.
'Whispering sipped from rumours'? I like the notion of this, but is the whispering the subject or the rumour? I tried it in my head as 'Rumours sipped from the whispering' and it made more sense to me.
I Like your stuff. Thoughtful and profound and always worth reading.

Comment is about Lily (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Francine Louis

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 13:01

Flows beautifully like the waves onto the shore...
sad and mysterious...

Comment is about 'The Lady By The Sea' (blog)

shoeless

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 11:26

:) gus , so did mine .

Comment is about ATHIEST (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

Gus Jonsson

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 11:03

Hi Alan
I followed exactly the self same procedure...only mine had bollocks as well!

Athiest!
I;m a believer!

Gus

Comment is about ATHIEST (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

Gus Jonsson

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 10:53

Thanks Jeff for reading and commenting Re Chaque Femme Est Belle.. By the way I pleased to see you are now, poetically speaking of course, a new and shining beacont in the darkness. Mind you I think Bolton needs more help than a Lighthouse...
See you soon
Gus

Comment is about Jeffarama! (Poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

shoeless

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 10:48

another beautiful poem . you have a special way with describing nature , the feel of the expansive power and movement of our world

Comment is about Springtide (blog)

Steve Regan

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 10:47

Just luuurrrved that one, Pete.

Comment is about my botanist (blog)

Gus Jonsson

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 10:27

Superb outstanding... love all of the delicate detail...
I want to put the words in a box and save them.

Wonderful...wonderful
Gusx

Comment is about Springtide (blog)

Gus Jonsson

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 10:22

Wonderful...just superb.

Gus

Comment is about I went to the picture house without you (blog)

Paul (Admin)

Thu 9th Apr 2009 07:42

Photographs by Seamus Kelly www.shaysart.co.uk

If anyone wants a full size copy of their image Seamus will be happy to email it to them if they contact him on mail@shaysart.co.uk

Comment is about Cayn White at The Hole in the Wall, Hebden Bridge April 2009 (photo)

sian howell

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Thu 9th Apr 2009 02:26

Hi Luis...what a real sense of 'reaching out' to the reader you portray within your poetry. You have such a belief in your writing and it shines out with such clarity and passion. Sian x

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Original item by Luis de Sousa

Anthony Emmerson

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 23:22

Hi Alan,
Just a suggestion, but I've often found that reading the rubbish I write usually does it for most people!
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

Anthony Emmerson

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 23:00

Hi Marc,
I found this an interesting piece of work. The unusual title drew me in, and after a while I found myself listening to the credo of the non-commital and analysing each statement you make. The wish for anonymity, and what might be described as a banal existence is well stated. The last line hints at a desperation, the avoidance of any controversy - and even a striving for mediocrity. I didn't work out the "point", but still found it thought provoking.
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about The poverty of the light touch (blog)

winston plowes

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 22:13

well done there

A breath of fresh air

Winston

Comment is about Michael Wilson is the Write Out Loud 2009 Bolton Slam Champ! (article)

Pete Crompton

Wed 8th Apr 2009 20:28

Amazing poem.
Amazing and dreamlike picture to go with it.
Excellent.
Fantastic dream like imagery worthy in any poetry collection.

I second all the emotion

the waves are always like the breathing
the stones and the gentle roll
up heaves the weariest spirit
I love being on the beach
this could be read in a storm
or on a calmest day
this is refreshing and uplifting.
beautiful.

Comment is about Springtide (blog)

Francine Louis

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 20:25

This is absolutely beautiful Deborah!
I go to the beach often and you've described the beauty of it so eloquently : )

Comment is about Springtide (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 8th Apr 2009 20:24

Hi, thanks
you just centre the paragraph thingy ma jig!

:-)

Comment is about my botanist (blog)

Francine Louis

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 19:48

Love it!
Full of metaphors... and interesting shape... how did you do that?

Comment is about my botanist (blog)

Deborah R Jordan

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 19:05

Hello Anthony, thank you for reading Springtide and your kind comments on Springtide. Thanks also for introducing me to another new word, sibilants, it sounds like some of those minions with exoskeltons but I'm sure it isn't, so I'd better look it up. They could be green with ten claws and live under shipwrecks.. or maybe I just had too much wine at Hebden last night.. thanks again, Deb : ))

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Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Deborah R Jordan

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:59

Hello Julian, thank you for your kind comments on Springtide. I thought I would post it today because I got nervous again last night and felt as if I had rushed through another poem so I am pleased you took the time to read it. thank you, Deb : )

Comment is about Julian Jordon (Poet profile)

Original item by Julian Jordon

Pete Crompton

Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:35

LOL Anthony!!!

right thats it!!!!
I'm doing a dualit poem!!!!!!!

My terrorist toaster and I
only see eye to eye
when it pops the bread
I called it a terrorist
for blackened was the offerings.
was it Luther who said
free at last?
I'm happy for bread ejected freedom
so liberating when your hear the click of freedom
from the bars and elements
they used to glow with anger, calm now subsided
less and less the divided lines
we can sit on both sides of the tracks
blackened bread is just that, a colour
love people not colour
and yet easy to forget it seems..in some corners
of the earth

I performed the ritual
atop the breakfast bar
trying to turn black to white
with a scraping,Frankenstein stroke of a knife
quarter to nine, nearly late for the world
and its wife
waiting for marmalade and
wondering where and why poor golly went
he did no harm
just the political incorrect, madness arm
happy to severe it
in the name of dualit duality
white bread
is incorect
im not sure whats really going on
I never thought about it as a child
I only know i go wild
when he burns the bread
I argued with the toaster
bread I said
bread
that is all.



Comment is about RE:BLOG ETIQUETTE (blog)

Anthony Emmerson

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:19

"Dualit toasters!" You posers! Mine was £5.99 from ASDA - and it's on its third ASBO.
Regards,
A.E.

Comment is about RE:BLOG ETIQUETTE (blog)

Pete Crompton

Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:19

fair enough. Some valid points.
You never mentioned about writing for therapy, would like to know your feelings on that.

I used to attend an expensive psychoanalysis class (NHS waiting list was an incredible 2 years), most of what was purged was lost, i'm not sure if that was a waste. Whilst it was cathartic and therefore beneficial, I felt that the system of purging/expressionism/art therapy ( I used to attend the painting classes) was lost. I felt that the output in the form of the concious stream was a kind of art. These days it is formed into many of my poems. Therefore my poems are therapy.

I cannot reiterate enough Art is therapy no matter what the subject matter, you cannot stop the thoughts from entering your head

some people I fantasise about swearing at.Some I fantasise about loving. I never do, I bottle the anger or frustration and convert it into a poem of sorts. Usually called rants, often called love poems.

I always wanted to be an actor or be involved with stage and drama, I love words and I love expressing myself in an honest and raw way.
I prefer that to trying to be a page poet because I think the excitement of live performance poetry is more satisfying in an immediate way, and I'm a lover of quick hits and queeny driven drama, claws out and all. I think that's why I'm a roller coaster enthusiast. I receipted poetry atop the now demolished roller coaster at southports pleasure land, they knocked it down. I don't think they liked the rant.

Comment is about RE:BLOG ETIQUETTE (blog)

Anthony Emmerson

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:12

Hi Deborah,
I enjoyed this. An imaginitive way to look at the forces which shape our world, and ultimately our lives. Lots of hissing and shushing sibilants - especially here: "She inhales and all her minions in exoskeletons scrape together the seabed." and "she pauses, and then, rolls out her sigh. The lone surfer rides the sigh as it travels" - almost a sound track accompaniment, which would make it very easy on the ear. I could also hear the "washes across the pebbles making them rattle and dance." A much more staccato sound. Great idea very well expressed.
Regards,
A.E.





Comment is about Springtide (blog)

Julian (Admin)

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 18:02

I think this is a beautiful poem, Deborah. I enjoyed hearing it at Hebden Bridge, and reading it here gives me chance to linger longer over its rhythms and its beauty. Thank you.

Comment is about Springtide (blog)

bill

Wed 8th Apr 2009 15:42

A bit spiritual, transcendentalist; can a little tin robot be that ? You appear to be trying to raise yourself above the concerns of everyday life, both the trivial and not so trivial. Lots of food for thought.

Comment is about The poverty of the light touch (blog)

bill

Wed 8th Apr 2009 15:30

Are you a heraldry fan, Freda ? clever use of imagery, and a positive outlook, nice one.

Comment is about On a Field Azure (blog)

Original item by Freda Davis

Steve Regan

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 14:41

Anthony, I enjoyed Your IDOL homage to George Best - written with passion - and the footnotes. You write in a variety of styles. Not everybody does that but I think it's good.

Football is amazing. At root, it is an immense waste of cerative energy - 22 men chasing a bloated baldder around a field and trying to slot it between two posts. But beneath the apparent banality there is ... beauty, poetry, magic, athletic grace, tribalism, and, yes, passion. Keep writing. Be the best.

Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (Poet profile)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

Steve Regan

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 14:39

Anthony, I enjoyed this homage, written with passion, and the footnotes. You write in a variety of styles. Not everybody does that but I think it's good.

Football is amazing. At root, it is an immense waste of cerative energy - 22 men chasing a bloated baldder around a field and trying to slot it between two posts. But beneath the apparent banality of it all there is ... beauty, poetry, magic, athletic grace, tribalism, and, yes, passion. Keep writing. Be the best.

Comment is about IDOL (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

bill

Wed 8th Apr 2009 14:38

Some good advice there Yosh. I'll try to put it into practice, and spend less time behind the bars of my mind !

Comment is about GET OVER IT!!! (blog)

Nabila Suriya

Wed 8th Apr 2009 07:57

I am touched by your support . Thank you. It is not an easy time for me on here i am often the only voice being drowned but i do not actually drown and you know that don't ya lol

Comment is about Winston Plowes (Poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Francine Louis

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 03:18

This is so sad as it reflects the feelings of someone whose dreams have been shattered and who feels they have no purpose in life...

'The sorry shell which he’s become

Contains an endless vacuum

Drawing out his heart and soul'


Very powerful and profound...

Comment is about The Beggar Man (blog)

Original item by Andy Williamson

Alan Holdsworth

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Wed 8th Apr 2009 02:08

Hi Winston, silly old me! it's 7 30pm till late........
dunno about ale prices/lager/wine etc but it's
a once a month, i think, i was invited on
facebook! it's worth a visit, maybe see you there? cheers, Alan.

Comment is about NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

winston plowes

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 23:49

what times is it on Alan, would be interested and is it "every" wed? what is the the beer like and how much? Winston

Comment is about NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS (blog)

Original item by alan holdsworth

winston plowes

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 23:33

Some words that grabbed my attension in this Phil,amongst them "flame sticks out its tongue, licking paper." Keep posting. Winston

Comment is about The Grip of ‘Midnight’s’ Glove (blog)

Original item by Phil Golding

Jeff Dawson

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 22:38

Hi Sian, a brilliant if difficult piece (I would imagine to write - done a few myself). I felt claustrophobic reading it which I assume is the awkward trapped feeling you wanted to portray, great stuff, Jeff X

Comment is about Loose Ends (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Jeff Dawson

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 22:12

Hi John, sounds like a right session!

I’m offered a whiskey tumbler;
taste my soul in its afterbreath

Love these lines and the others a good job done with a difficult concept - for me anyway!

Cheers see you thursday Jeff

Comment is about The Importance Of Magic In The Void (blog)

Original item by John Togher

Marc Box

Tue 7th Apr 2009 20:22

Thanks very much Janet.

The poem DID have a point... but I was having so much fun writing it, the point get lost somewhere.

So... if anyone can work it out, please let me know!

Comment is about The poverty of the light touch (blog)

Janet

Tue 7th Apr 2009 16:26

Hi Marc,
there are many interesting observations of life within your poem. I like that.
I'm not sure i completely got the point of it but that's probably my ignorance. The title confused me somewhat. I do like it the poem in general though. :-)

Janet.x

Comment is about The poverty of the light touch (blog)

Gus Jonsson

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 12:35

Thank you for your comments re Ride my Lady, I'm only happy if I'm Naughty....
Thanks again
Gus

Comment is about Andy N (Poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Danni Antagonist

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 09:15

hi Graham, thanks for the comments. I hope this means that you'll be coming to the Madcap on Saturday anyway to just soak in the fun atmos and scribble rhymes on beermats? First-timers are always most welcome! 7.30ish start, just £4 or £3 if you change your mind about reading, you don't have to compete!
also see www.poetrykapow.co.uk
see you then!

Comment is about Poetry-related events unfold in Milton Keynes (blog)

Original item by Danni Antagonist

shoeless

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 09:04

Helvelyn creaks the bones,
An ancient wood nestled
Silently strips the clothes,

i was taken by this . thanks mike

Comment is about Chess (blog)

steve garside

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Tue 7th Apr 2009 06:57

'its like saying my dualit toaster is a bread terrorist'

like it Pete - mine wears a balaclava...

Comment is about RE:BLOG ETIQUETTE (blog)

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