Profile image

Greg Freeman

Fri 9th Jul 2010 07:58

Thanks for commenting on the Woolies poems, Jeff. But don't worry about binge drinking and the Broken Society: that nice Mr Cameron and his friend Mr Clegg will fix all that.

Comment is about Jeffarama! (poet profile)

Original item by Jeffarama!

Profile image

Greg Freeman

Fri 9th Jul 2010 07:52

Thanks for your comments, on Something for Everyone and Carol Ann Duffy, David. Always good to hear from you. When is your new book of poems published? Any date yet?

Comment is about David Cooke (poet profile)

Original item by David Cooke

Profile image

Greg Freeman

Fri 9th Jul 2010 07:44

This is painful to read, but it's meant to be. I like "crush of the tyre" and "clutch of the claw." The opening three words contrast harshly with the optimism of the hymn Morning Has Broken.

Comment is about Stroke (blog)

Profile image

Isobel

Fri 9th Jul 2010 07:12

I note from your ealier poem that you don't like poet banter on your comments which is fine. I'm hoping you don't mind me offering a little critique though. I like to consider myself a performance poet at times. To me this poem could be made a lot better if you chopped out some syllables or thought of alternative ways of saying things, to make it flow. Sometimes it's just a case of making a few contractions (I would to I'd)

Take for example my slight change to the second verse:

The words I read, cut through me so cold
I dreaded to hear the truth I'd be told.

Also - how about getting rid of the repetition of MY in the third verse, replacing with THE.

With a lot of superfluous words/syllables stripped out to change the flow, I think this could be a stronger poem.

Comment is about Naomi Hefter (blog)

Original item by Naomi Hefter

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Jul 2010 06:20

Hi Joseph - I don't think you need to explain away your poem. Let it stand on it's own. I like its enigmaticness (first made-up word of the day!) x

Comment is about On one knee (blog)

Original item by Joseph Kennedy

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Fri 9th Jul 2010 06:10

God! Trust a bloke to know that! ;-)! Maybe it was 20,000 feet. As I say, I just caught the news headline the once. Poetic licence. But I did feel slightly bad turning their tragedy into a poem. Real people an all. But it touched me very much, and the poem made me want to cry when I wrote it.

Comment is about loves parachute (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Thaumaturgically Charged

Fri 9th Jul 2010 02:20

It is not nice that they died like that, but if they were lovers it is a comforting thought they were together till the end, a thoughtful poem. Incidentally and not that it matters in the scheme of things, I don't know where they were climbing as Mt Everest is only 29035 ft.
luv TC XX

Comment is about loves parachute (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Moxy Casimir

Thu 8th Jul 2010 23:34

Hello Ann!Thank you for your comment on dandling the baby!I created the music 2 days ago (and the new on my profile) for a show I'm doing but thought they sounded rather daffy when placed with an image. Yes, the granddad does look like Hugh Gaitskel! I hadn't noticed till you mentioned it. And I absolutely love your audio piece -- it's beautiful, mesmerising, and there's something mysterious and ritualistic about it that makes it seem a tad threatening -- as in a kind of bewitching. All your work has the thrilling fizz of enchantment about it. xxxx

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Moxy Casimir

Thu 8th Jul 2010 23:27

Hello Jackie! How lovely of you to comment about Dandle that baby, Grandad....! You cheered me up immensely. Thank you very much indeed. I have to say, I enjoyed your wonderfully atmospheric 'A Child's Voice.' It's oddly eery and unsettling -- the event seems to be(superficially) straightforward, a walk in the mist, but it suggests something deathly too! Goosebumps!

Comment is about Jacqueline King (poet profile)

Original item by Jacqueline King

Profile image

Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 8th Jul 2010 22:58

Hi again Lynn-was just tracing the singer of a song called 'tell him'-she,was is called Billie Davis-do you recall her songs? one I think you would love is'Angel of the morning' (with your Angel poems in mind)until the new day-au revoir dear Lady-Stef-xx

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

Steve Smith

Thu 8th Jul 2010 22:25

Dear Dave,
thanks for coming to the play and for your thoughtful comment-I showedit to the actors who really appreciated it as we couldn['t get the 'Echo' to review it-the preferred 'the Birthday Party'. I learnt a lot from doing the play and have got the dram bug now.Respect and thanks,
STeve

Comment is about Dave Bradley (poet profile)

Original item by Dave Bradley

Profile image

Banksy

Thu 8th Jul 2010 22:19

Yes - I remember that verse very well, but thankfully that's all behind me & my wife is a little love. XX

Comment is about trouble & strife (blog)

Original item by Banksy

Profile image

Lynn Dye

Thu 8th Jul 2010 22:06

Thanks for favourable comments on my entries, Bernadette, much appreciated. xx

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Bernadette Herbertson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 21:43

Hi Steve long time no see it's Bernadette Herbertson here. Just to let you know I am back on form now after some personal problems led me to my long absence from cosy writers and wol. a belated thank you for your encouragement regards my creative writing.you are a top bloke ! I have submitted some work on wol and am pleased to let you know that I am getting some good comments and feedback.Hope to see you soon ..take care..bernadette x x

Comment is about Steve O'Connor (poet profile)

Original item by Steve O'Connor

Profile image

Bernadette Herbertson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 21:18

Thanks Lynn for your nice comments ..glad you like.. you can call me Bernadette , Herby or whatever ! Stefan invented the herby name ,but i guess it's kind of cute in moderate use ha ha ! x x have read through some of your entries and they are very good!!! x

Comment is about Lynn Dye (poet profile)

Original item by Lynn Dye

<Deleted User> (8408)

Thu 8th Jul 2010 21:10

Hi All, thanks all so much for your comments, which are very much appreciated.

Marianne, thank you for sharing how to felt about the poem - I always look to leave an imprint on the heart.

Andy, glad you liked it. To answer your question, in every stanza, the last line is made up of 3 syllables (as is the first line made up of 6, etc), which is part of the reason the last sentence is split into two lines. But it also gives the reader that extra millisecond of a pause before realising the enormity of what the lady of the piece has just lost.

Ray, many thanks for your thoughts. To answer your questions, "The accolade of our great tale..." - is not every relationship that you've devoted your heart to the greatest tale in the world? :o) In this lady's case, it was. The line is intended to give the reader the impression that these two have a real history together which has now been tossed aside. "Icy thoughts placing my bids..." - similar to placing your bets: she has just managed to get herself out of bed and her first, slightly less numb thoughts, are to do with the possible outcome(s) of her future - she has begun to place her bids on her future, because essentially, it's now "up for sale". It's okay if the reader doesn't get it straight away... or even at all. I like my poems to have some form of ambiguity so that it can be debated over - 'though, I've just sort of given this one away :o)

Cynthia - I'm glad you felt the mood of the poem was captured well and thanks for your thoughts.

I'll be to visit all of your blogs over the next few days - please bear with me, my 14 month old demands a lot of my time - rightly so!

Kind Regards,

Dianna x

Comment is about Broken Dreams (blog)

Profile image

Ray Miller

Thu 8th Jul 2010 21:04

Well, I guess it has to do with Big Brother, Room 101 and that gnawing grin would be a rat's I expect, but the rest is still fairly inaccessible. I can't make out whether you really mean "tart compliments" for example. Very enjoyable, though.
Every sunrise is a bird recording, the eyelid clicking propaganda -
spoken word is suicide, and thought unthought is slander.
Loved that bit - "thought unthought" once again!

Comment is about 101 (blog)

Original item by Marianne Daniels

Profile image

Lynn Dye

Thu 8th Jul 2010 21:02

I love this one, too, another fan of wildlife! xx

Comment is about START OF A NEW DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Lynn Dye

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:51

Lovely!

Comment is about gentle rain (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

winston plowes

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:50

hi Cynthia... thanks for your comment on Whitehaven. your comment was on a par with my poem lol :-) Win

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Profile image

Bernadette Herbertson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:48

Thanks Andy for your comment on ..PERFECT DAY..I'm glad you liked it and I will consider your advise on those two lines. Yes I did go to Steves group a few times and enjoyed it .he is a real nice guy, but due to personal reasons at the time I kind of dropped out of the cozy writers and wol. but I am back now with a bang ! and enthusiastic once more and it feels good ! x Bernadette

Comment is about Andy N (poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

Profile image

Lynn Dye

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:42

It is indeed lovely, Bernadette (or is it Herby?) xx

Comment is about QUESTION AND ANSWER (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

winston plowes

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:42

Crumid - A hat, hand-made from crumpled hessian and set using animal glue.
Skussle - The general skirmish that occurrs typically after the line... "somome in this room is the murderer"
Coniphany - The cumulative 'voice' of the national conche orchestra north.
Glucker - A crossbred mallard.
Partet - An offshoot from a party (often taking place on a balcony)
Foona-Plate - Part of the home made reinforced hull defences of a makeshift boat used in the WWII D day landings rescue operation. (See little ships)
Fildew (i)- A type of mocasin worn by North American Indians(ii) - Decorative cake icing, esp for wedding cakes.
Salmy - A glazed bowl intended for olives
Porm - The scent of the female goat on heat.
Bips - (Slang) (London and southern counties) Left over items of food on public streets. "The pigeons gorged on the mornings bips" anon

Comment is about Vocabulate Fremunctiously (article)

Profile image

Ray Miller

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:36

I like the rhyming scheme and these end lines in particular:
of the emptiness you dropped me in,
bereft.
as you slept and lied your love upon my breast.
But I think a few lines let it down: the accolade of our great tale. Bit overblown?
icy thoughts placing my bids? It rhymes with kids but I'm not sure of the meaning.
Enjoyed the poem.

Comment is about Broken Dreams (blog)

Profile image

Bernadette Herbertson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:28

Thanks Ann for your heartwarming reply.I think people like that must have no compassion and don't think about the effect that comments can have and its a case of ..kick a dog when it's down..I am so glad that my inner strength kicks in but just think of the poor soul who doesn't have that inner strength ..no I don't want to think of that as it is so sad. I send love back to you ...Bernadette x x ps. my view is people have the option to not offend so why do it,and keep an open mind don't forget to read between the lines x x

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:05

Sorry babe - what's Alma Cogan got to do with anything? Not that I've anything against her! My dad's fave! Don't remember her climbing any mountains though?

Comment is about loves parachute (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:02

Winston - you are so right! xx

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 20:01

Absolutely!!! Re High Tide - 10.47 and other people's comments. I am starting to learn that the first step in this poetry lark is . . humility! And reading lots of other people's stuff! xxxx

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Profile image

winston plowes

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:59

Liked this one ann. Tyne, dogger german bight ;-) Nice last line. didn't see it in its earlier form. I hope the comments herehave been useful. They really have been for me in the past when (for instance) Graham has slotted the last piece into a jigsaw of a poem that made it complete. I would like to think that once you make some contacts on here WOL is capable of this. x

Comment is about High Tide - 10.47 (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:57

I remember that awful comment made to you - I don't know the chap but it annoyed the crap outta me! What a horrible thing to say!! I should have had a go at him at the time but I was new too and sometimes these old hands stick together and you can feel small! I have really enjoyed your stuff and your attitude too. Lots of love! AF xx

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:52

Ta Win - His First Time - I was trying to think of the most gross items of female attire. So glad they appealed to you!! ;-) xx

Comment is about Winston Plowes (poet profile)

Original item by Winston Plowes

Profile image

Bernadette Herbertson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:51

Hi Ann just noticed your comment on my blog entry ..Hopeful Recovery...Thank you so much for fighting my corner for me .At the time of the entry I was going through a relationship breakdown and was very emotionally charged which reflected in my poetry. I hadn't long joined WOL.and had already expressed that I was a novice.I looked up the person concerned's profile and it spoke volumes to me regards his character this did make me feel less upset but nevertheless I didn't submit any entries soon after that as at the time of reading that comment it really stung and knocked my confidence a little.I can now happily say that I am now over that period in my life hence I decided to try again this week and I am more than pleased at the positive comments that I have received so once again thank you...Bernadette x x

Comment is about Ann Foxglove (poet profile)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

winston plowes

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:50

Fluffy yellow mules!... hold me back! win (good fun this)

Comment is about his first time (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:40

what about

cut her with snide comments
cut her with playing games
cut her with sarcasm
who cares- it's all the same?

I won't bother because of that verse.

Comment is about trouble & strife (blog)

Original item by Banksy

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:25

Ta for kind comments on Loves Parachute. x

Comment is about bernadette herbertson (poet profile)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:20

This poem was born out of hearing a headline on yesterdays news - two poor souls fell to their deaths while mountaineering. Made me think, that's all. They were a man and a woman but I have no idea of their relationship.

Comment is about loves parachute (blog)

Original item by Ann Foxglove

Profile image

Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 8th Jul 2010 19:12

ah-ah! much better Herby-really is a lovely poem! ta lots-Stef-xx

Comment is about QUESTION AND ANSWER (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Gus Jonsson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:37

Thank you for your very considered critique Cynthia...The tongues reference is an observation of how when she listens she rubs her tongue over her teeth in an unconcious effort to look both charming and interested...

Once again many thanks!!

Gus xx

Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (poet profile)

Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas

Profile image

Gus Jonsson

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:28

Thank you for your very considered critique Cynthia...The tongues reference is an observation of how when she listens she rubs her tongue over her teeth in an unconcious effort to look both charming and interested...

Once again many thanks!!

Gus xx

Comment is about Katie is a Barmaid (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

Profile image

Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:23

Hey Herby! don,t forget the heart in this lovely poem(add it on-won,t tell!)nice poem Bernadette-thank you m'dear-Stef-xx

Comment is about QUESTION AND ANSWER (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:10

'Professional kindness' is a strong topic, coupled with 'longing' personified by the 'lone drinker' who is no fool. The repetition is very effective, to emphasize a pattern of behaviour. And the juxtapositioning of 'I' the writer, and 'I' the omniscient narrator. But, I don't get the line about 'tongues'; do you mean: 'she tongues pearly teeth'?

Comment is about Katie is a Barmaid (blog)

Original item by Gus Jonsson

maipenrai

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:01

Thanks Cynthia, glad you liked it.
Bernie

Comment is about She (blog)

maipenrai

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:00

Thanks Cynthia
Bernie

Comment is about My Heavenly Guardian (blog)

maipenrai

Thu 8th Jul 2010 17:00

Hi Cynthia, good to hear from you again and thanks for your comments.

Mai Pen Rai is Thai, the nearest I think you could get in translation would be "no problem" lol

Comment is about I AM (blog)

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 16:52

Personally, I think the last two lines are fabulous. I should have twigged to the use of your words 'sundry foreign drawl'. Perhaps it was being wooed into the pastorale spirit, and not expecting a contemporary joke, which ploy makes it even better. Don't be SORRY!

Comment is about Cotswold Tale (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 16:13

Makes some excellent points in a snappy style. Very topical.

Comment is about The Wretched Book of Face (blog)

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 16:01

Powerful ideas from your pen once again. Perhaps you would explain once more what your name means?

Comment is about I AM (blog)

Profile image

andy n

Thu 8th Jul 2010 15:58

Very nice Bernadette.. Enjoyed reading this - you may want to consider removing these two lines near the end as I am not sure if they are needed 'Reading her book , resting herself

My lunchbreak over,back to city life' as I am not 100% convinced they are really needed.

Enjoyed this however. I know you go to Steve O's group.. Have you showed him this yet? I reckon knowing Steve he'll enjoy this!

Comment is about PERFECT DAY (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 15:57

Excellent.

Comment is about My Heavenly Guardian (blog)

Profile image

Cynthia Buell Thomas

Thu 8th Jul 2010 15:56

Glad to see you back on. And the great themes never die! A poke instead of a sledge hammer too.

Comment is about She (blog)

More Comments

◄ Prev 1 2 3 173 346 519 692 865 1038 1211 1276 1277 1278 1279 1280 1384 1557 1728 1729 1730 Next ►