John Aikman

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 23:02

It's appallingly bad poem...I mean, like seriously bad. Repetitious, gauche, tendentious, cliched and...well, just a bit crap really. There's the odd bit of light, the odd internal rhyme that doesn't make one squirm...I reckon you could edit it into something...but not a poem...not yet.

Jesus...it's awful.

: (

Jx

Comment is about Voyeur On The Wall ( Date Rape ??) (blog)

Original item by Augusta Darling

Isobel

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 22:40

If he hadn't turned his head to face the wall and had instead shown some affection, the ending may have been very different. That seems to be the big difference between men and women. The majority of women need the reassurance of love.

Comment is about Voyeur On The Wall ( Date Rape ??) (blog)

Original item by Augusta Darling

Rodney Wood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 22:20

Plods along in it's self obsessed way.

Comment is about Hopeful Recovery (blog)

Original item by bernadette herbertson

Augusta Darling

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 19:35

Thank you so much for your comment Isobel.... and hope you enjoyed your shower. the girl in the poem is both confused, excited , aroused and afraid... very afraid....at the end she feels miserable and used... and ashamed at her totally lack of control... or ability to ever take charge and have a sexual liason on her terms or at the very least agreed terms.

Was it rape... I don't think so... but I don't know for sure

Once again many thanks for critique it is as always welcomed warmly.

Augusta x

Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)

Original item by Isobel

Augusta Darling

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 19:34

Thank you so much for your comment Isobel.... and hope you enjoyed your shower. the girl in the poem is both confused, excited , aroused and afraid... very afraid....at the end she feels miserable and used... and ashamed at her totally lack of control... or ability to ever take charge and have a sexual liason on her terms or at the very least agreed terms.

Was it rape... I don't think so... but I don't know for sure

Once again many thanks for critique it is as always welcomed warmly.

Augusta x

Comment is about Voyeur On The Wall ( Date Rape ??) (blog)

Original item by Augusta Darling

barrie singleton

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 18:34

Thanks friends. Very harrassed right now. I'll try to remember to reciprocate when calm.

Comment is about DARK ART (blog)

Original item by Barrie Singleton

Pascal Desmond

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 17:53

Hi Folks
Thanks very very much for your feedback. It's been suggested that I should record it. And why not?
Soon
Pascal

Comment is about Pascal Desmond (Poet profile)

Original item by Pascal Desmond

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:54

Def one of your best Tommy!!!! lol
Cate xx

Comment is about The stops (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:43

A beautifully written and touching piece Isobel. One that many people will relate to in some form or other.
Cate xx

Comment is about Coming Home (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:39

Short but extremely sweet. Beautifully wrtten!
Cate xx

Comment is about DARK ART (blog)

Original item by Barrie Singleton

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:35

I love this. Lovely imagery here.
Cate xx

Comment is about Boots of Spanish Leather (blog)

Original item by Dave Carr

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:23

A very clever comparison between how it is and how in an idyllic world it used to be.
Cate xx

Comment is about Horse Power (blog)

Original item by jane wilcock

Cate Greenlees

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 16:20

A deep and encompassing piece of work Isobel. One that is thought provoking and very well written.
Cate xx

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Natasha

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 15:13

Thank you , Graham:))

Comment is about Natasha (Poet profile)

Original item by Natasha

Isobel

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 15:12

Sorry I got interrupted during my last comment. At the heart of most religion is the fact that we should love our neighbour. That real message often seems to get lost in all the ritual and dogma. I do find the issue of the host rather ridiculous. If Christ existed, I am sure that he would be horrified that his last supper should have been lifted and become the source of such division. If he were to come back, I like to think he would do more than overturn a few tables...Rant over.

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

kealan coady

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 14:05

very nice elegant romanticism, the wording is well displayed and it reads easily.

Comment is about By Night (blog)

Original item by Claire Alexandra

kealan coady

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 14:04

yea i agree theres a lot of witty language considering its size, nice work.

Comment is about I am (blog)

Original item by Claire Alexandra

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 13:40

What a great couple of lines the last two are. The whole piece is charming.

Comment is about I am (blog)

Original item by Claire Alexandra

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 13:37

I liked the idea of a paper boomerang. Wish I'd thought of that. Welcome

Comment is about Natasha (Poet profile)

Original item by Natasha

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 13:34

What a good line the Nicorette bit is. Welcome.

Comment is about Ben Mellor (Poet profile)

Original item by Ben Mellor

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 13:31

Loved the bottom on picket, classic! (thankyouverymuch) Sorry just had to do it. Graham

Comment is about Pascal Desmond (Poet profile)

Original item by Pascal Desmond

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 13:25

Hello Tom, Welcome here. I think "You mistake the wind for the sound of spirits" is a nice description. Look forward to hearing more. Graham

Comment is about Tom Harding (Poet profile)

Original item by Tom Harding

Isobel

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 12:35

I'm not really having a go at anybody's God in this poem Dave. My children are being raised catholic - because I believe a faithless society is worse that one with hope in it... I just don't like the divisions that can be caused...

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Dave Bradley

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 12:31

Tricky one for me this Izz because I do believe in God. But it's such a well crafted, thoughtful and entertaining poem that all I want to do is praise it. I guess we can both agree that if there's a God He/She isn't the problem, it's people and what we do with religion. x

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 12:00

Cataclysmic events crafted into words...... gently conveyed.

Comment is about Final Appointment (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 11:57

This is a beautiful poem, obviously derived from a place deep within.

Comment is about For Silence (blog)

Original item by Andy N

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 11:22

Yeah man, that would spook anybody

Comment is about ghost... (blog)

Original item by JEFF.W

winston plowes

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 11:17

To me this suggests someone trapped in a painful repetitious circle. Nice post. win

Comment is about Betrayed (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 11:10

Thanks for the rap man, I suppose that is one of the aspiration's of a poet, to make others think through their works. I can read your works (there is so much on here) , now I am concious of them ;-)

Comment is about Andy N (Poet profile)

Original item by Andy N

George Stanworth

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 11:07

Hi Cat,
I really enjoyed this poem. I think you have expressed the feeling of helplessness and vulnerability really well.
George

Comment is about For what? (blog)

Original item by Cat Turner

Winston (Admin)

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 10:56

Hi Tom, Welcome to WOL. Your two samples in your profile show some great writing. Both have a religeous aspect to them, is this a common theme in your work? Winston

Comment is about Tom Harding (Poet profile)

Original item by Tom Harding

George Stanworth

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 10:51

Hi Kealan, Thanks for your comment on 'The Cleethorpes Treaty'. I really enjoyed reading 'Logic, Reason, Perception, Experience.' I think it is really clever.

Comment is about Kealan Coady (Poet profile)

Original item by Kealan Coady

andy n

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 08:22

phew! good stuff, isobel.. that's one thats gonna need a few readings! lol - andy x

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

andy n

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 08:20

i agree with franine - love the last stanza in particular but good piece all round

Comment is about Sticks and Stones (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Noetic Fret

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 01:54

Hi tommy, i actually used to partake in this particular passtime quite a lot. I have a favourite lift in rochdale i used to visit to engage in this rather amusing passtime, however, i have given it up on account of one sad occasion i drew mud!
be well tom
mike

Comment is about The shame of social embarressment of a man farting loudly in a lift full of women. (blog)

Original item by Tommy Carroll

Tommy Carroll

Profile image

Wed 18th Nov 2009 01:07

Steve TYFYC and I will be extending the franchise!

Comment is about stephen smith (Poet profile)

Original item by stephen smith

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 23:14

This reads like the scenario for a television advertisement for environmental driving. I love the soap suds lambs. Clever work Jane, a lovely picture.

Comment is about Horse Power (blog)

Original item by jane wilcock

Graham Sherwood

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 22:28

"Engraved with prattle and malice" and "to gather and fold my injuries" are lovely words. The angst is tangible and well balanced although alarming. I'm really pleased to see you back on here. Your output is worse even than mine though, more more please.

Comment is about Sticks and Stones (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Francine Louis

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 22:12

Great to have you back Sian!
Always love reading your poems...
I especially love the last verse - shows resolve... Beautifully written.

Francine x

Comment is about Sticks and Stones (blog)

Original item by sian howell

Darren Thomas

Tue 17th Nov 2009 21:08

Nice to see you back, Sian. I hope you'll share more of your poetry with this crazy,crazy bunch.

Comment is about Sticks and Stones (blog)

Original item by sian howell

sian howell

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:57

this is a best thing I have read in ages and when I heard you read it ...i loved the poem even more . Sian x

Comment is about Beyond the Equinox (blog)

Original item by Anthony Emmerson

sian howell

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:48

powerful indeed....this took me a few reads to allow the sense of the poem to absorb and settle....a moving piece. sian X

Comment is about We Once Was Animal (blog)

sian howell

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:35

like the images....can really imagine the peppered terracotta pots...lovely asalways . good photo too. X

Comment is about A Fiddlers Tale (blog)

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:33

The alarm sirens are sounding already lol ............. ;-)) Still poets are no worse than anybody else are they........??

Comment is about Yolande (Poet profile)

Original item by Yolande

sian howell

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:28

my oh my ..how you've grown and extended yourself ....this is great stuff. sian x

Comment is about Eleven Eleven (blog)

Original item by Graham Sherwood

andy n

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:22

bit off a change i think with your rhythm changes... you should try more like that!

Comment is about one thing i know to be true..... (blog)

Original item by JEFF.W

Thaumaturgically Charged

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 20:21

I liked the poem Eer Olive , Belicose with the cadence of a bull terrier on LSD ;-)

Comment is about Cate (Poet profile)

Original item by Cate

Isobel

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 19:17

Shall I start the ball rolling? You've got me feeling like a voyeur here Augusta - you don't get much more graphic than this - think I need a cold shower now... The only thing that spoils it a bit are the tears at the end. This is a tricky one. A forceful, decisive man can be attractive to many females as the eroticism in this poem conveys - but when does forcefulness turn to rape? The danger of discussing this aspect of sex is that it could encourage some misguided males to actually think rape is ok - cos the victim is surely asking for it.... There is a fine line which has obviously got confused in this poem. Perhaps that is what you were trying to convey.

Comment is about Voyeur On The Wall ( Date Rape ??) (blog)

Original item by Augusta Darling

Isobel

Profile image

Tue 17th Nov 2009 17:09

Couldn't think of anything contrary to say about buddhists - they seem like nice peaceable people - though that could just be my lack of knowledge. Having said that the majority of all races and religions are nice and peaceable - it is just the tiniest minority...and the fact that religion and politics divide us so...
Have no idea why that backward slash has appeared in the title - it won't let me edit it out...
Someone suggested that I should blog this and I obliged since it is my favourite. Apologies if you have heard or read it before on my profile page.
I think our comments crossed Chris - thank you for that - it is one of those poems that mean a lot to me and the first one I wrote when joining the site so it means a lot to have it appreciated by others.

Comment is about What's It All About? (blog)

Original item by Isobel

Steve Smith

Tue 17th Nov 2009 16:36

Loved the poem ' Old Texts' -something to think about.. passed on your e-mail address to June re refugee poets.
Steve Smith

Comment is about Feed me, feed me now (blog)

Original item by Dave Bradley

More Comments

◄ Prev 1 2 3 155 310 465 620 775 930 1085 1240 1276 1277 1278 1279 1280 1395 1547 1548 1549 Next ►