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Graham Sherwood

Mon 19th Jul 2010 22:29

Melissa I disagree with Cynthia (as I often do) and think as the piece is about to finish, there is a glimmer of hope. I do however think the word home at the end is a mistake and should have just finished "where am I going"?

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 21:38

OI! Berny-whats your game? you have had a long enough break-put that wine bottle down and get back here-pronto! tonto! best regards-Stef-xx

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Ray Miller

Mon 19th Jul 2010 21:00



Winston. I've managed to create the link to th ghazal:

I buy them merely for the smells of books
and days disappear in the spells of books

In the sun with a hat and a hardback
I draw refreshment from my wells of books

As a teen my brain was aflame with them
I walked about deaf from yells of books.

For bullies whose brains get tangled with words
I pray there is reserved a hell of books.

At night I was lulled by the wave of words
hissing in my ear from the shells of books.

The notes scribbled by previous readers
genetically alters the cells of books

Faced by the mountain of the works of men
Solomon wished he'd not heard tell of books

The media insists our modern age
will create the final farewell of books

A trail of bent spines and scraps of paper
marks my progress through the pell-mell of books.

Exhilarated I rode the white whale
of Ahab through the turbulent swells of books

Oh Ben your sadly sagging shelves reveal
you can't resist the hard sell of books.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 20:48

OH!! no way can I ever-ever watch news reports on this senselessness-how the heck can anyone be so hardened of heart to do this-you certainly have captured the horror of it in this poem-the perpetrators of these slaughters wont be happy till there is no wildlife or wildernesses left.The one story I was very moved by and sickened at the ending was the bbc2 prog on Luna the Orca Whale-lovely story but as I say-with a very sad ending-have a read-see what you think,but only at your convenience of course-catch you later love-Stef-xx(B-xx)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 20:39

Aw ta Lynn for further comments-good ole Benji-not daft eh-snugglechops!am just watching one of the old black and whites-a film called 'A kind of loving' similar to all the old british classics-Saturday night and Sunday morning-Billy Liar-etc-etc.Brilliant films! also got a nice radio prog you might like-poetry/short stories/music.Its RTE radio one, Sunday Miscellany-as with all these shows you can go to earlier progs etc-but if you click on-'Latest show' you might like it-some very inspiring readings on all types of subjects-give it a whirl girl! who knows? catch you and Foxfeatures(Benji-not Ann-lol!)later-cheers Lynn-xx(B-xx)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 20:09

Glad you like my short'Oneness'poem-is,nt that rose a beautful image-wow! if I sent a bunch of those to my fancy woman-I would have two wives in no time-lol! and re the sad poem of the old Lady-indeed it is a blessing to have relatives who care-all the time-not just when it suits them-when you are put in one of those institutions-I promise to visit you-as long as you pay for the petrol!! haha-we visit an old friend/neighbour of ours,and although the staff are very caring it must be quite an endurance to sit in an armchair all day-staring at the same poor people-there again,what is the alternative? there but for the grace of God go we! lotsa love-Stef-xx(B-xx)

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Lynn Dye

Mon 19th Jul 2010 20:01

I enjoyed this, Cynthia, unpredictable and amusing, life does that sometimes! x

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Lynn Dye

Mon 19th Jul 2010 19:31

I agree with other comments made, just love your descriptions, Ray.

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Lynn Dye

Mon 19th Jul 2010 19:14

Unique idea, Larisa, loved it and your poem. xx

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Lynn Dye

Mon 19th Jul 2010 19:12

This is lovely, Val, enjoyed your nostalgic memories, thanks. x

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 19:01

Hi again Lynn-re 'Natural understanding'did you read it under an umbrella-lol! but I am grateful to you as ever for taking the time to read-Stef-xx(B-xx)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:58

Thanks Lynn re'Fair comparison' your kindness goes before-and behind as well-lol!-Stef-xx(B-xx)

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Lynn Dye

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:52

Ah, young love, how sweet Gus, I enjoyed this.

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Larisa Rzhepishevska

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:35

Yes! They can be fantastic!
And sometimes so plastic!
Like a focus in a circus. lol

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DG

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:24

Now I come to think of it, the "drowned seafarer" did have a beard, moustache and wild staring eyes.

Anyway, I'm about to remove that last stanza, I think you're right - it works better that way and removing it makes the poem less samey when looked at against the backdrop of the rest of my cannon.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:22

Quite a clever poem Larisa-well done! does life make its own tricks? you betcha! thank you-Stef-xx(M-xx)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 18:01

Lovely poem Val-bottle of water-oh that takes me back as well.You were very daring to ride such a big bike-'another tentacle'-nice line-very nice poem-thank you-Stefan-xx

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Chris Dawson

Mon 19th Jul 2010 16:47

Don't know if you can see this - you seem to have taken yourself off the site, and I stupidly failed to bookmark your blog and now can't find it again - but anyway ... if you're still reading your comments here - would you drop me a line please? - would really appreciate it :)
chris@writeoutloud.net - it's a private email a/c.
Cx

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winston plowes

Mon 19th Jul 2010 16:38

Hi Cynthia - Rachel is here in case you didn't realise, http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=11547

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Chris Dawson

Mon 19th Jul 2010 16:28

Thanks for that :)
I'm always just grateful if anyone reads at all, doubly so if they leave a comment!
Been investigating your blog, not read it all but you have some very interesting work there.
Cx

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Ray Miller

Mon 19th Jul 2010 15:45

Winston. Thanks for the explanation. It does help. I'm trying to put a link to the other ghazal. Might not work!
Didn't work. I'll post it for you later if you like, it was on another poetry forum.

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Ray Miller

Mon 19th Jul 2010 15:36

Hello Ann. You've some great phrases in this - gut-tug, womb-tied and the 3rd verse." gravely klaxons" is a bit of a mystery to me and I'd have liked something more powerful at the end. Enjoyed.

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Ray Miller

Mon 19th Jul 2010 15:22

Neat and pretty, Dave, though for me bad dreams are more often the consequence.

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John Darwin

Mon 19th Jul 2010 15:21

Ray, beautifully descriptive and a stunning finish.


Thanks
John

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Ray Miller

Mon 19th Jul 2010 15:19

Lads, I thank you so much. I've little faith in my descriptive abilities, and needed a lift! Thanks again!

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darren thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 14:19

I have to agree - you always seem to use the appropriate words - steering a reader in one direction - before we deviate over a poetic turn's cliff.

Good stuff Ray.

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darren thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 14:11

How bizarre? I was at the sea in North Wales over the weekend, when I saw this complete 'barm-pot' thrasing the rough water to a foam. It was obvious he was in some sort distress but all I could think of was 'I wonder what's going through that stupid head of his?'

Wait - a - minute...



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winston plowes

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:46

Hi andy, thanks for commenting on Ghazal, yes i like the end best also :-) Win

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winston plowes

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:45

ice and relationships, always a good are to explore through poetry Ann. Win

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:44

Thanks for comment on Crystal Clear Cynthia. I didn't actually use the word invisible at all though, so I don't see how there could be too much emphasis on that particular word. I was more thinking of something cold and clear and transparent as a block of ice. Not necessarily invisible. xx

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winston plowes

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:43

Hi Ann, thanks for your comments on my latest Ghazal... not writen one for ages so thats nice to do. and thankyou for correction to typo. changed it. glad you felt moved by it. win. x

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:43

Thanks for comment Cynthia. I didn't actually use the word invisible at all though, so I don't see how there could be too much emphasis on that particular word. I was more thinking of something cold and clear and transparent as a block of ice. Not necessarily invisible. xx

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Dave Bradley

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:16

Hi Cynthia

Thanks as ever for your thoughtful comment on 'Science Fiction'. I'm afraid Sale isn't a possibility. I play league table tennis and it's the club practice night. I beat everyone last week (competitive? moi?) which has never happened before. So, although Sale is tempting, it wouldn't be good form to fail to show this week.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 13:04

Jacqueline, please enlarge on your reaction to the comments about Chris' CHAOS. I am intrigued.

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:41

Dead interesting, Melissa. It crashed right along with strong rhythm and realistic dialogue, keeping the pace strong. For me, the poem should end with: 'Why did I not listen?' which has a real POW factor. I think the last stanza introduces such a different controversial idea that it dilutes the strong message in the piece. This is purely my opinion. The title is very clever.

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Chris Dawson

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:35

Yes Jackie - I read other poetry - most of what's on here, a lot from other sites too, old favourites - Shakespeare, Owen, Yeats, Donne, Thomas, (Dylan, but also Darren) - the list is long; and through friends and acquaintances (many from WOL) am constantly discovering others.
I don't consider what I write to be poetry really, scribblings that sometimes help or amuse me, sometimes might strike a chord with someone else. That's the beauty of a site like this, in my opinion anyway, it enables us all - regardless of ability - to have a go and share work which means something to us, even though it may be unpublishable.
Thank-you for reading,
Cx

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:34

Good haiku,too,a little gem of pure pessimism. See you tomorrow at Sale?

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Winston (Admin)

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:33

Hi Trky. He you are at last... great to see you and your profile on WOL. Loved your sample poem. Welcome to WOL. Winston (Admin)

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:28

Interesting ideas; but I think they are stretching the relationships a bit too far. Individually, I feel they work, as separate poetical observations. Perhaps it is the emphasis on 'invisibility' that bothers me; ice is not invisible, and the iceberg that sank the Titanic certainly wasn't.

Comment is about crystal clear (blog)

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Winston (Admin)

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:21

Hi There Paulyn, welcom to WOL. Have fun! winston

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:20

Ann, I happened to read your comment to Pete, about 'secrets' in poems. I think that is a superb way to express it: every poem IS a secret waiting to be unravelled by the reader. I think it is often just as much a 'secret' to the writer. What a great observation!

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 12:02

Flippin 'eck! can,t believe I did,nt put a comment on before now about Dyes dog! lol!-real foxyface he is-and beautiful with it-like his Muvver! latest news item re dogs-Ken Dodds father had two dog that have now passed away...the headline reads-Ken Dodds Dads dog,s dead-(only to make you laugh Lynn)see you later-Stef-xx(Benji-xx)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 11:55

Good morning Lynn-just popped in to say I,ve popped Pepes poem on-now I,m popping off-not in the true sense of course(drat! I hear you say-lol!)enjoy your day ducky-Stef-xx(Benji-xx)

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Jacqueline King

Mon 19th Jul 2010 11:21

Thank you for your encouragement Chris, ps you have same name as my youngest, we call her Chris, among many other things. x

Comment is about Simple (blog)

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 19th Jul 2010 11:13

A very good morning to you Larisa(and McCoy)hope you are both well.I am so grateful for your comments on 'Oneness' and am very pleased its given you some inspiration-look forward to your poem.thank you-Stefan-xx(McCoy-xx)

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Olga Gerke

Mon 19th Jul 2010 10:03

Thanks 4 commenting me! Who would think that workshops turns to be so useful!? waiting for you to post your Ireland stuff here.X

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spencer

Mon 19th Jul 2010 09:37

thank you for your very kind comments , i also have a column were you can read a bit more of my work, just go to www.pennyblackmusic.co.uk and look for evidently spencertown for poetry , also there are some interviews and reviews I have done.
Regarding Johnny - he is a really nice bloke and the best poet I have ever read

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Chris Dawson

Mon 19th Jul 2010 09:35

I agree with Cynthia, it's a fantastic poem and I don't think the lack of punctuation causes anything to be lacking in either meaning or imagery.
I, too, like the references to weight and there's a hardness to the imagery that is really clever - for that reason I don't like 'eider' ... everything else seems to be hard or rough, whether a thing of beauty - like the pearl, or coarse - like the rope. Eider stood out to me, or maybe that's the point?
Love the last 2 lines especially, but less keen on the use of the last line as a title - I think I'd have just called it Stone.
Very good poem though Pete.
Hope you are well - not spoken in ages!
Cx

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Chris Dawson

Mon 19th Jul 2010 09:23

Poignant, yet sweet - like it.
Cx

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Dave Bradley

Mon 19th Jul 2010 09:22

Lovely description, intriguing conclusion teasing the reader. Nice one

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