Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:24
short but certainly not sweet! lol
Comment is about (blog)
Original item by Neil West
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:23
Comment is about Answer (blog)
Original item by Graham Sherwood
love the ending here in particular.. i think if you were to read this out the delivery would be interesting as i would have to change the tone of my voice on the last few lines certainy... good stuff
Comment is about Hopeful Future (blog)
Original item by Jessie
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:21
i like the way you have so few words on most of the lines.. makes the flow go quicker.. clever, clever.. nice one
Comment is about loving frieze (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:20
sad stuff.. I think i would break this up into stanzas a little just to increase the pacing on it a lil but it is beauitful!
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:19
good stuff, jessie.. lot to take it but i enjoyed it!
Comment is about This is me... Maybe (blog)
phew - bet this took a while! have you pointed this out to mr.arama yet? i reckon he may enjoy this!
Comment is about Thank you for the music? An A to Z of schtick (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:18
Reed is in particularly nice here I think!
Comment is about a mix of my poems, old and new and more. (blog)
Original item by nick armbrister
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:17
good to see you on here, Nick - you may w ant to in future split this up a bit as there is a lot to take in here!
Fri 25th Sep 2009 23:08
Most of my relationship poems are grim! so nice to read something the opposite. Liked the swing in subject in the middle "And in her hand she held the brittle shell. That is my freely given loving heart" Great stuff that bit. Keep Posting Win
Comment is about Happy is the Bride on Whom the Sun Shines (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 21:25
Helpless, still, like their is something missing from my life Cynthia, a feeling that never goes away, not from a 'woe is me' perpective, I have four beautiful children, Nathan is my second. But will always wonder what he would look like, how he would grow, what he would be interested in. Grief never goes away and time does not heal it just broadens ones shoulders and increases one's pain threshold. ( don't get me wrong their are many times that my emotions pour out and I may sit and cry and I question the why's and wherefores regularly)
Darren's critique is interesting and maybe I may try the she/he layout. let me know what you think.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 25th Sep 2009 20:50
Another interesting twist on how to get the kids to learn the alphabet. lol
Fri 25th Sep 2009 19:43
You don't get much more raw or poignant than this Nicky. I'm lost for words.
Comment is about The Poem That Should Never Have Been A Poem (blog)
Original item by Nicky Burrows
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 25th Sep 2009 17:19
With many thanks for Graham's totally correct comment, I have made a change. Sorry for leaping forward, but I had to do it. It's been bugging me for weeks.
Comment is about The Rustle of Autumn (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 17:10
Bernie, what a vicious poem. Well done.
Comment is about Born Again (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 17:06
A good poem which concludes with three really fine lines. Sometimes that's all that matters - a line or two that is outstanding - and the rest just piggy-back.
Very clever title.
Comment is about Losing Grip (blog)
Marianne Louise Daniels
Fri 25th Sep 2009 17:00
Ha! You cheeky bar-steward! :-)
Comment is about relapse (blog)
Original item by Tommy Carroll
Fri 25th Sep 2009 16:47
This is great poetic material (like, what isn't? but you know what I mean.) I think that the deletion of three or four same-idea adjectives would make this superb.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 16:38
OK, I have to ask...is Gentile meant to be non-Jewish, as in picking up 'the rivers of Babylon' idea, etc; or is it meant to be 'Gentle'? I honestly don't know.
Comment is about A Gentile Ripple (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 15:53
Very poignant - to describe the feeling of helplessness at the time. How do you think about it now?
Fri 25th Sep 2009 15:46
Thanks for your comments on "Beyond the Equinox." It's good to wax lyrical sometimes - stretches the muscles of the imagination. Your "Peacock" is a very ornate still-life; I find it very different to your previous work, perhaps because of the subject matter. I think most of us benefit from attempting a new approach occasionally.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 15:30
In light of your comments then Nicky...
This is written in the 'first person' (for obvious reasons) but I'd consider substituting the 'I' for 'she' and altering all the other personal pronouns accordingly.
I sometimes feel that the 'I' in poetry can alienate some readers who prefer to form an association, or, in some cases, an empathy with what is being said. Not always - but sometimes.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:52
Thanks for your message on my profile page. I wouldn't worry too much about the discussions - there have been some really heated ones on here - and they're usually the best kind that we learn the most from. What's the point of having an opinion if you don't discuss it with anyone and hold it up for inspection? That's how opinions are formed - and changed, surely? Feel free throw any crit you like at my scribblings, "myspace" is not particularly representative; I like to play with all kinds of form and subject matter.
I'm glad you "stirred it up" a little!
Comment is about Nicky Burrows (Poet profile)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:41
I would be very honoured to take a sneak preview of yours Anthony. Will try to be more critical than I normally am. I am not as experienced at it as you or knowledgable about poetic form but I will give it my best shot. Other than the poem I showed you which I still haven't got round to looking at - I have nothing in the pipeline - I will try to get that one done some time next week. I also need to focus my attention on writing rather than discussing - it is so easy to get caught up in all that. Lovely to see and hear you back on the scene.
Comment is about Anthony Emmerson (Poet profile)
Original item by Anthony Emmerson
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:36
Hi Chris - not really sure how to get in touch with you since you don't have a profile yet. You left a comment on my profile. I am touched that you bothered to read my poetry - particularly after my crass comment. To read past poems you need to go to the bottom right hand corner of the current blog. The previous poem will be highlighted in blue. If you click on it it will take you back and you can go right back through a poets work that way. I'm glad you liked the one you read - that one meant quite a bit to me.
Most poets on this site have had some trauma in their lives, though perhaps not on the same scale as yourself. Emotional turmoil is often what brings us to poetry in the first place. We are therefore, on the whole, very understanding and supportive of others. This site, in some ways, mirrors life. You will find the good, the bad, the ugly and the mischevious....but above all, a home for everyone. I hope you join and enjoy it.
Isobel x (will delete this once I think you might have read it)
Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:29
Thanks everyone for the feedback.
I feel the need to just mention - thanks Dave - that yes this is an autobiographical experience, but I welcome any comment and crticism be it about the content form or emotion. So please do not be put off by the subject of the poem that was not meant to be a poem, 11 years ago, people would cross the street because they did not know what to say to me and felt awkward - I abhor that, would rather a person express an opinion rather than avoid an issue altogether
The poem that was not meant to be a poem is actually a sentence that I wrote last night commenting on Chris's work ( all except the final three lines). It is a sentence that I wrote in a moment of thought and in response to someone else's grief and thoughts upon existence that I identified with - hence no title at the moment, but does it need one?
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:25
Hope all is well with you. Thanks for your comments on "Beyond the Equinox." I have to confess that it's not a new one - retitled and slightly reworked. I just thought I ought to post "something." Got a couple on the backburner at the moment - would you mind if I asked you to take a look at one of them? I know the nature stuff isn't your bag, but this one may be. How is your muse? I notice you haven't posted for a while too.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 14:11
Neat observation here Bernie. Heaven/hell are personal to all of us. Maybe some have been a little too indoctrinated to think for theirselves and recognise it.
Comment is about Faithless (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 13:48
This is a very clever montage of imagery and raw emotions - hung on barbed wire. I admire the way you are able to convey that imagery to the reader almost subliminally.
Comment is about The End of the Affair (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Fri 25th Sep 2009 12:52
Liked this lyrical/cynical stomp through the musical alphabet. I'm not sure I share all your tastes, but it's good to shoot down a few icons now and then!
Fri 25th Sep 2009 12:41
Thanks for your comment on my poem, no title.
I needed that today.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 12:22
I found this a really interesting and provocative read. I like the list technique - it somehow seems to make the disparate and sometimes disturbing events/images you catalogue seem humdrum when they become lost in each other. For me, it reads like a manual for "getting through the day." Watch out for the lid though . . .
Comment is about The Waiting (blog)
Original item by John Togher
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:43
This reminds me of that statement " Those men who choose security over freeedom will have neither".
This may work too if you removed the words 'is the colour of' immediately after the word 'purple' and said simply, 'Purple is oppression...' etc. Would be fun too to use other colours (perhaps go through the spectrum) and suggests too what they may represent?
I like the fact that you don't explain why the colour IS those things. You leave it to the reader to 'work out'.
Comment is about Purple (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:41
I can't imagine you in any gutter. But then, diamonds and gold have to be mined from the earth . . .
Comment is about No Title. (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:33
Ooh, this sent an icy tremor through my veins i can tell you. Agree with Anthony, to be able to focus and channel that kind of energy and feeling into something like this is very creative.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:28
I can't imagine a stronger example of pure "cathartic" poetry. I'm glad you are able to channel that trauma into creativity.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:26
Thankyou all for comments.
Andy- there is a note of sarcasm in the title.x
Fri 25th Sep 2009 11:18
Very pithy Janet.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 10:59
Ha! now you got five pics of me.
Comment is about Neil West (Poet profile)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 10:50
A succinct, tragic piece penned from a writer's spirit.
Fri 25th Sep 2009 08:22
No. At the moon. Juxtaposition of images.
Comment is about John Togher (Poet profile)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 04:10
Thank you Neil for your lovely comments on my poetry...
I have never performed any of my poems before...
Hope to at some point... soon... perhaps ; )
Fri 25th Sep 2009 03:59
Janet, I really enjoyed reading this so much and I think it is one of your best poems...
You express some intense emotions with the imagery of the beach...
All things that I love and identify with : )
Fri 25th Sep 2009 03:35
So nice to hear your lovely voice Anthony!
This poem for me is so profound, beautifully written with distinct imagery that portrays a sadness for those who have passed on...
These lines express that well for me...
breaks these solemn days -
wreathed in cobweb,
edged with frost.
a thorny garland lays,
in tribute to
the season’s lost.'
Comment is about Beyond the Equinox (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 03:14
So romantic Neil...
These lines totally do it for me : )
'It was with such passion I was touched
And ran headlong into such lands
The like of which I'd never known
Emotions strong rose forth unbridled'
Comment is about Et Vera Incessu Patuit Dea* (blog)
Fri 25th Sep 2009 01:59
Have you ejaculated on a piano too?
Comment is about John Darwin (Poet profile)
Original item by John Darwin
Fri 25th Sep 2009 01:28
we/she doesn't have the choice to not go gently into that dark night. I see death, and not pleasant. Time, and the end of an Era, but, not the simultaneous birth of a new one. Futility and hopelessness. I have so much more to say on this. The only bit that really jars on me and I cannot get my weary, worded out head round is the first stanza. I think this poem holds a plethora of ideas in the main part - that first verse will haunt me untill you explain it.
Saying that I could be totally off my trolley and it could really be a poem about a little old lady/man awaiting the onset of death, instead of a metaphor for the death of existence, humanity, the world as we know it etc.
Comment is about Era (blog)
Original item by Many names, many faces...
Fri 25th Sep 2009 00:59
phew - that carries some power! You know what I am like for short short poems sometimes.. Pity there is no title - I would probably do a title that about twenty lines long and has nothing to with the poem itself - lol.. Would like to see more in this style!
Fri 25th Sep 2009 00:29
I just wanted to drop a line your way to say thank you for your commments on the 'catharsis' discussion thread. I was beginning to think I had created a monster, and I was only testing the water, as I am new on the site. I unwittingly, did not realise that I needed a few more swimmingly lessons beforehand in order to outswim the sharks. 62 comments later, I have the lovely Janet to thank for finally understanding the original slant on the question, - I didn't think that it was that obtuse, and certainly did not expect what I got - and also you to thank for pointing in the right direction and bringing enlightenment.
Have only glanced at your poems, but I do thimk your writing style is quite unique, 'myspace' flows like a stream of conciousness and has a very raw, existential flow about it. I have only read one poem (recent one that is) on this site that I could compare it to, and that would be Steve Mellor's 'Life-Line'. Simply for the pure continuous flow of the poem. I cannot comment justly on the content as yet as I have not had the chance to digest it and am all wrded out. an effort to put a comprehensible sentence together at the moment. Large glass of wine is in order.
Thanks once again. Nicky
Fri 25th Sep 2009 00:24
thank you Anthony you are a chap of exquisit taste.
Comment is about I Have That Tape Still (blog)
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