Mon 26th Jul 2010 12:29
Another brilliant tribute alongside the one from Alain English-may Mr.Higgins spirit deservedly haunt the Crucible forever-R.I.P Alex.
Comment is about Alex (blog)
Original item by Ralph Dartford
Mon 26th Jul 2010 12:23
Wonderful tribute-brilliant poem-sadly another human being,with great promise,fallen victim to the age old temptation-there but for the grace eh Alain.thanks very much for the memories-R.I.P Alex.
Comment is about To the Hurricane - a tribute to Alex Higgins 1949-2010 (blog)
Original item by Alain English
Mon 26th Jul 2010 11:38
Thank you -Jeff was meant to have that kind of detached - and so on humour , using an almost flippant view on Jeff's passing
Comment is about Isobel (Poet profile)
Original item by Isobel
Mon 26th Jul 2010 11:36
Thank you for your kind comments I have added another poem
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Mon 26th Jul 2010 11:33
your right about pissed I have knocked two verses out , I was hammering it home a bit too much but it is OK now , I read and appreciate all comments as they are constructive and aid my thought process. Thank you
Comment is about Alison Smiles (Poet profile)
Original item by Alison Smiles
Mon 26th Jul 2010 11:32
your right It has been edited down for you
Comment is about Pissed (blog)
Original item by geraldine golightly
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Mon 26th Jul 2010 10:48
As I was mulling over the day before sleep, I remembered the phrase about 'words flying by' and I chuckled: do I actually get up and change it, because it is going to scream 'contrary to my intent'? Really bad choice of words on my part; I only meant 'easy flow'. Comments should never be made in a hurry, or with side distractions. Sorry about that.
Comment is about Graham Sherwood (Poet profile)
Original item by Graham Sherwood
Mon 26th Jul 2010 10:42
Congratulations on your recognition in the Welsh Poetry Competition!
Comment is about garside (Poet profile)
Original item by garside
Mon 26th Jul 2010 08:24
enjoyed this, Josh... lot of good material in this piece.. oddly enough i think the first stanza would stand by itself as a poem too, although i wouldn't be keen on removing it from the rest of the stanzas!
Comment is about High Tide (blog)
Original item by Joshua Van-Cook
Mon 26th Jul 2010 08:17
very nice, cynthia.. really enjoyed this with a particularly strong ending... good one! x
Comment is about the little leaf (blog)
Mon 26th Jul 2010 08:16
really enjoyed this, ann..
possibly a few edits / cuts may need either be aware for example on the second line here:
' Like butterflies they flock upon the beach.
So many colours!'
In this case, you may not need so many colours as butterflies are by nature (to my colourblind eyes anyhow) colourful..
Either way, it's lovely.. I love beach poems!
Comment is about sunday afternoon (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Mon 26th Jul 2010 02:32
i hope jeff from sample poem is not jefferama jeff...i would miss him ;)
Comment is about geraldine golightly (Poet profile)
Mon 26th Jul 2010 02:31
this makes a beautiful song...ill sing it with you if you can find the musicians? if you can get amy you should go with that one :)
Comment is about Melancholy Baby (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 22:20
Thanks Cynthia for kind comments on Sunday Afternoon poem. I nearly didn't put it on as it seemed so slight. I NEVER understand this poetry lark! xx
Sun 25th Jul 2010 22:18
Cornwall, Squire! North coast.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 21:38
Ann, where is your beach?
Sun 25th Jul 2010 21:34
Cynthia, thank you for reading and commenting on "Melancholium".
I am always intrigued to read your feedback and understand your angle on this piece.
Strangely, I see it a a much slower, thoughtful poem, hence the title and the almost daydream-like rambling of the words. The inspiration for this coming from those idle thoughts that pop into one's mind sometimes. Whatever happened to so and so etc etc.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 21:00
this is simply beautiful. love its playful sexual references.
Comment is about seed pearl (blog)
Original item by Banksy
Sun 25th Jul 2010 20:14
This is good, Graham. IMO, I would encourage culling some unessential words, especially those introducing lines like 'the litter' and 'of unfulfilled hopes' etc.; also 'and'. I would love to feel the words fly along, image after image, as life does; also without punctuation of any kind in this work. I say this because I really like the poem and its thrilling diction.
Comment is about Melancholium (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 20:01
This is fabulous. I needed time to get back to it and read carefully. It is very original, and thought-provoking. Conch shells apparently do not make louder the sound of your bloodbeat, but the 'ambient sounds of the universe', so I read recently.
Comment is about Listen (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:46
Thanks Rachel and Greg. It is meant to sound like the kind of song Billie Holliday would have sang - or Amy Winehouse. The Jezebel is meant to be Society, drab conformity, wage slavery.
I agree with everyone about your descriptive skill. I like your works. In this poem, I do think you could lose unnecessary words that stall the immediacy of your images. A passive verb is not usually a very strong beginning; 'in the' need not be repeated; 'above' is understood, unless you mean 'mountain sides' which I don't think comes through. Sometimes special words that you really like just need to be repositioned, not jettisoned. I guess, Ray, I think it needs skillful tightening. How did we get from 'sun-splashed nakedness' to 'deep in the night' so fast? Just a question; I may have missed a clear point.
Comment is about Llanbwychllyn Lake (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:29
Succinct, with very clever images and word connotations, a garden in a pea.
Comment is about Stained Glass (blog)
Original item by Michelle Marie
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:15
A chilling few lines to encapsulate the soldier's mentality since 'following orders' began in very ancient times. The title is a master of irony.
Comment is about In a Manger Snug and Warm (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:11
A lovely way of expressing deep intimacy, although I don't know how it is she didn't wake up. The title is intriguing.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:09
This is a lovely poem, Ann. I really like "the beach shrinks and we all squeeze up / and it's like a warm caress". Oh, and forgot to say earlier, great pic, too!
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:08
'The beach shrinks and we all squeeze up' is terrific. I also like the repetition of 'before the tide comes in', the urgency of using the beach space while you can, a timeless metaphor much beloved by writers and skillfully handled here, Ann.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 19:03
Are you a Danny of Poetica? The one I nearly missed one night because there were two of you, at the Cafe Muse if I remember correctly. You were sitting in the outer circle because you arrived late-ish?
Comment is about Daniel Hooks (Poet profile)
Original item by Daniel Hooks
Sun 25th Jul 2010 18:29
I liked it, and wondered if it could lose a stanza - seemed to labour a point a little?
Sun 25th Jul 2010 18:22
Hello Ann, thank you for your comments on 'Stars' and 'High Tide'. I am also of course taking into account your question of the word 'obnoxious' in 'High Tide' I will try to think of a way to rephrase and will likely change it when I've decided on the alternative, most likely at a later date.
Comment is about Ann Foxglove (Poet profile)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 18:16
A very well written observational poem. I like the use of words such as 'raggedy' which give it an almost onomatopoeic feel.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 18:14
Thank you for your high appraisal of 'High Tide' and 'Stars'. I haven't really posted in a while. I'm hoping to post more from here-on-in.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 18:08
Brilliant - I think I've seen you on the poop deck, having a....
Comment is about Your Pirate Guide (blog)
Original item by Mingo Backhair
Sun 25th Jul 2010 17:46
Thanks Cynthia, it's a pretty sad story, everyone in it a victim of one kind or the other.
Comment is about Robert (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 12:41
Honestly, I can't always define the line between fantasy and sense. A thoughtful glance - a glancing thought - who knows?
Sun 25th Jul 2010 12:27
Thank you Isobel.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 11:40
As Greg says, brief and powerful. Your few words are cutting-edge, full of implication, like a skeleton invisibly fleshed.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 11:05
A very sad end for a working-class hero. (The Observer today claimed it was up to 80 a day). This is very good, Ralph, tight and illuminative - "ripped baize and bravado" - and tells the story
Sun 25th Jul 2010 10:56
My goodness, Mate, what a deep one you are, blessed with the power of thinking profoundly, relating exponentially, expressing clearly and influencing greatly. I love the killing simplicity of the title, just 'Stars'. The final encapsulating line 'Under the scrutiny of the stars' is a brilliant completion of the thought-circle. This poem is loaded with your seeking mind. How old did you say you were?
Comment is about Stars (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 10:45
This is good, Josh. You are keenly aware of the obvious and show a sincere respect for the virtually unseen. 'Sinking light falls with the sea into itself' is really lovely, showing an artistic eye, a true love of language and a romantic turn of phrase that is just plain delightful. The whole concept is very mature and thoughtful.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 08:40
The last lines were:
I am a woman
and would like to know
only a true man
Thank you so much for rereading and comment.
Comment is about I AM A WOMAN (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Sun 25th Jul 2010 08:36
Hi Larisa. Not having total recall, I can't remember how the last eight lines were before you changed them. Maybe you could put them back as a comment here at the end of the poem? As it stands, I like the feisty "up yours" Let all the problems go to hell attitude very much. Then you say you want only a real man. Why not go the whole way and say you don't need ANY daft man cluttering up your life? That's my aim anyway! Stand tall - and sod em all! xxxx
Sun 25th Jul 2010 08:29
Hi, Ann! Thank you very much for your nice comment on "I am a woman". I've changed the end of the poem. Would you be so kind to read it again?
With warmest wishes, Larisa
Sun 25th Jul 2010 08:20
Hi,Ann! Thank you for your nice comment. And what about the last 8 lines?
Sun 25th Jul 2010 07:42
Thanks Lynn for nice comment on my Irish Wolfhound poem. I suppose having one as a pet would be like sharing your house with a small pony! xx
Comment is about Lynn Dye (Poet profile)
Original item by Lynn Dye
Sun 25th Jul 2010 07:39
Like this very much.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 07:38
Love this Joshua, as I have enjoyed the other recent postings of yours. (Not sure about the word obnoxious though?) I admire the rythmn you manage to get. Something I can't seem to do! Really good stuff!
Sun 25th Jul 2010 07:28
Yes, it is a bit short. I thought that, when I posted it. As I say, it's an old one. Can't think what to add to it now, so I'll leave it. It sounds a bit like a child speaking, hoping that one day she'll have that doggy in the window!
Yes Stef, def up for meeting Mr P-S and his hounds. We could go on a double date! But then, if it all went really well, I could end up being your step mother in law!
Comment is about ithell (blog)
Sun 25th Jul 2010 07:24
I love the first four lines of this Larisa. I love the swan image. A nice poem.
Sun 25th Jul 2010 00:12
Plas post up "pull apart the perfect nest" in the blog section. it deserves a wider audience. great work . Winston
Comment is about Tom (Poet profile)
Original item by Tom
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