Sun 20th Jun 2010 11:00
I liked your comment and I want you to always feel you can be bold as honest critiques are such a great compliment opening up new possibilities for the writer and the reader.
The title is ambiguous and could serve as a national or personal description of a Mother. The tools in the two flag are symbols of the industrial proletariat and the peasantry; placing them together symbolises the unity between industrial and agricultural workers. This emblem was conceived during the Bolshevik Revolution. I guess the line skinned moon from there own struggling flag describes the peasants who created the symbolism believe in in it ne more, after retreating to cannibalism during the WW2 the irony of them eating each other and skinning a labourers sickle with a crescent sickle of moon shows the destruction of something natural (moon) and something vile (the loss of identity of a nation).
Thanks for commenting on my Stalingrad poem Cynthia, its refreshing to take time out from my manuscript and read some intelligent feedback.
Comment is about Cynthia Buell Thomas (Poet profile)
Original item by Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sun 20th Jun 2010 09:25
cheers for the haiku feedback Tomas - and great work with the Corncrake poem - my ornithologist mate Martin will really love that. best wishes, Marvin
Comment is about For the Corncrakes Sake and Mankinds (blog)
Original item by Tomás Ó Cárthaigh
Sun 20th Jun 2010 09:20
Thanks Tomas - have been sending the haiku to HaikuWorldCup - worth having a go at, they're producing an e-book. Once you start you can't stop! all the best to you.
Comment is about Marvin Cheeseman (Poet profile)
Original item by Marvin Cheeseman
Sat 19th Jun 2010 23:53
Like the corpse at the photo lab - I was a late developer :)
...been making up for it ever since tho
Comment is about at seventeen (blog)
Original item by Banksy
Sat 19th Jun 2010 23:23
Sorry B, me being vague, I meant it reads more like you were younger in this poem, maybe fourteen.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 22:46
a great poem - disturbing & sad - sometimes things in life remain like that - "unfinished". B
Comment is about Displaced (blog)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 22:32
weren't we all once seventeen?
Sat 19th Jun 2010 21:30
I just can't believe you were seventeen. x
Sat 19th Jun 2010 21:28
You've motivated me to look up Spencerian Stanza - I too like experimenting with different forms, although I'm never as successful as you've been with this.
I notice that you maintain a pentameter in the final line whereas Spencer uses an Alexandrine. I prefer your form. The Alexandrine is ponderously long ("snake-like").
Comment is about Spenserian Stanza (blog)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 21:16
Excellent. I agree with Dave - too few doing form. You do it well too, maintaing the iambic rhythm throughout. Do some more.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 20:55
Hi Dave - thanks for the comments on "a little rusty" - I cant quite decide myself whether I like those iron statues or not - still deliberating on that one. all the best. B
Comment is about Dave Bradley (Poet profile)
Original item by Dave Bradley
Sat 19th Jun 2010 20:52
Hi & thanks for the comments. I do agree with what both Win & Cyn say & it would be "real neat" without the last verse, but to be honest, had I left it hanging there as a teaser, and based on past experience of doing just that, I don't think that most would "get it". B
Sat 19th Jun 2010 20:44
Could very well be truth in this poem Dave,the way we are abusing this planet and our fellow man.Thanks-Stefan.
Comment is about Last Generation (blog)
Original item by Dave Dunn
Marianne Louise Daniels
Sat 19th Jun 2010 20:33
thankyou so much cynthia.
i am pretty much an atheist but i am addicted to the stories and what they do.
Comment is about The Art of Judas (blog)
Original item by Marianne Daniels
Sat 19th Jun 2010 20:23
thank you Francine, Vous êtes très aimable, comme toujours, mais je pense que d'autres ici me comprenne bien. J'ai peut-être de repartir bientôt. Je veux juste qu'ils me demandent, pas accuser... soupir..Deb xx
Sat 19th Jun 2010 18:17
This poem has the same effect as the picture in a way - it is very good and very clever but it makes me want to SCREAM! x
Comment is about Relativity (m.c.escher) (blog)
Original item by Dave Carr
There is an animated version of this work on UTube.
Also some discussion about recursion on this site
Sat 19th Jun 2010 18:13
I see you've got time to put your feet up, Dave! x
Comment is about Dave Carr (Poet profile)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 18:12
Thanks you lot! I am going to try and write several poems about artists models. I do life drawing from time to time and the character, the aura, if you like, of the model affects the drawing totally. Even if she never speaks. And they are all so different. I'm reading about the lives of the models painted by the Pre Raphaelites at the moment. Fanny Cornforth - Yea! xx
Comment is about lifemodel (blog)
Original item by Ann Foxglove
Sat 19th Jun 2010 17:43
Tomas, your skilfully-crafted poem about the comeback of the corncrake is heart-warming, especially in its wider aspirations. The mournful music is beautiful, too. Greg
Sat 19th Jun 2010 17:37
Hello lovely : ) I love nuclear times
Comment is about Meriel Malone (Poet profile)
Original item by Meriel Malone
Sat 19th Jun 2010 17:22
Wonderful. I love form poetry. I'm glad there are people out there keeping it alive.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 17:12
Great poem. Enjoyed listening to it and reading also. We saw and heard corncrakes on the Isle of Mull last year. Very distinctive call but not unpleasant. I like the way you did this.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 16:20
As always Deb, you weave together beautiful words that reflect
the heart and soul...
Sat 19th Jun 2010 16:11
I agree with Greg where the title is concerned...
What caught me was the first line, and I like the lighthearted feel of this
Comment is about On Engagement, Results and Insomnia (blog)
Original item by Claire Alexandra
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Sat 19th Jun 2010 15:10
I think this is superb, absolutely fabulous. One of the definitions of 'true poetry' (can't remember whose) is that 'after you have 'paraphrased' all that you can, the words that are left constitute 'real poetry'. I think this poem qualifies.
Comment is about droning light afterswagger (blog)
Original item by owen calvert
Sat 19th Jun 2010 15:06
How lovely to see you posting again Tim.
The thing i love about this is its simplicity of language.Love the line 'you must be as thick as a brick.'
I haven't heard the term used for years and i think it lightened the topic somewhat helping the reader realize that the one suffering is as normal in many ways as they are.
Whatever normal is ;-)
Comment is about My M E Brick (blog)
Original item by Tim Linton
Sat 19th Jun 2010 15:00
I really enjoyed this Cynthia. Your explanation of the form made me want to try the style out for myself.
At the risk of showing my ignorance once again, the text you use here reminds me of the likes of Tennyson and Byron. They are still the greats even today in my opinion, they hold an element of nostalgia for me and when used with powerful words, doubles the emotional effects.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 14:55
You are so canny, and brilliant with words to encapsulate diverse ideas, seeing esoteric and convoluted relationships everywhere. I am in awe. Poor Judas - to have to bear such a burden through Christian centuries, and, in my opinion, unjustly too. So, of course, I liked 'the bibles like banana skins'!
Sat 19th Jun 2010 14:49
Great poem, Ann, one of your best. It scores on every 'poetic' level: insightful idea, vivid imagery, total reader involvement as you develop the scene, and a smashing 'twist' at the end. Complete with new-age COLOUR! Great finale.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 14:38
What an absolutely charming piece of work Ann. Several lovely words here. Agree with Stefan and also
the last four lines. A great observation on how we are all hopeless once in love's grip.
Comment is about a pinch of salt (blog)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 14:37
It runs along so 'breezily' you could have 'hung a teaser'; I would have enjoyed that.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:43
Prophetic - given last night's abysmal showing. Had to take the parrot to the vet's today - he's vomiting all over the show.
Comment is about World Cup Penalty Haiku (with enjambement and split syllables - tee hee) (blog)
Original item by Isobel
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:39
I always find it very stimulating creatively to write to a strict form, in that it imposes a rigid discipline one's thoughts and a focus on one's purpose. You prove that beautifully here. We shouldn't lose these forms, they enrich the diversity of poetry and its history. I for one am really pleased to see you revive it in such a successful fashion.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:32
I liked this a lot. It illustrates perfectly the irrationality of the things we cling to, seemingly without reason. I get the feeling that this may have been written somewhat from a personal perspective; either way it works excellently in communicating a feeling of silent resentment. I particularly liked the image conjured up by:
"There's no reason now
there's no alliance
perhaps to reminisce
for a short while
on a dark cold afternoon
but nothing more
in these new lives."
A very worthwhile and thoughtful read.
Comment is about Letters To Old Lovers (blog)
Original item by Tom
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:21
I saw this briefly on your profile page the other day, but didn't have time to comment (I see you have altered a few things since then.)
I was immediately drawn to its simplicity and clarity, a sparkling flow of ideas full of romance, happiness and the warmth of feeling shared between two people. This is very much a "feelgood" poem, and I have to say that I loved every line!
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:16
But who would you rather cuddle up with on the sofa - Patrick Viera or Christine Bleakley?!
No contest I'm afraid. Just shows that money talks . . .
Nice one Peter.
Comment is about YO ADRIAN! (blog)
Original item by Peter Mowat Poetry
Sat 19th Jun 2010 13:13
I read and listened to this with great interest. As a child (many, many moons ago!) I recall hearing corncrakes in the poor hay-meadows of the high Peak District of Derbyshire where I grew up. I always thought it sounded like someone running their thumbnail over the teeth of a comb. This is a wonderfully informative work, made even more relevant by the haunting audio. I admire your skill in putting it all together and sharing it on youtube.
You pose a very interesting question, if only our compassion for the animal world were extended to our fellow humans.
Tomás Ó Cárthaigh
Sat 19th Jun 2010 11:58
Are you still taking submissions for the Macmillan book?
Comment is about Anne Morgan (Poet profile)
Original item by Anne Morgan
Sat 19th Jun 2010 11:45
"Pull Apart the Perfect Nest" is an excellent poem.
Comment is about Tom (Poet profile)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 11:44
"If" and the world cup poems are so cool!
Sat 19th Jun 2010 10:37
Loving the haiku Isobel - have you sent it to the WorldCupHaiku e-book thing? Also on behalf of my mate Simon Rusty - cheers for the feedback, I'm updating his page soon, some great new poems coming up.
all the best, Marvin.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 10:16
This is wonderful, a great rhythm, exhilarating and uplifting, Claire. Maybe not the most mellifluous title in the world, but if that's what it's about ... Thanks for cheering up my Saturday morning! Greg
Sat 19th Jun 2010 09:23
thanks for your comment on my poem.
Sat 19th Jun 2010 07:46
Thank you, dear Mike! Your comments inspire me to write more and better.
Comment is about Falls and flights (blog)
Original item by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Sat 19th Jun 2010 07:04
Thanks for a fun one. You've used a pic of one of Anthony Gormley's iron men in his 'Another Place' installation on Crosby beach. I live right by the beach. They are indeed getting rusty, and those further out are suffering from barnacles and seaweed, poor things. The driver wouldn't let them on a bus in the state they're in. They're better where they are - late on an evening at this time of year they can look stunning against the big sunsets we get.
Comment is about getting a little rusty (blog)
Sat 19th Jun 2010 06:53
Powerful words about a widely misunderstood reality. A good friend had ME/CFS for 6 years. She recovered though will always have to watch herself and be careful. Good luck Tim - I hope it happens for you
Sat 19th Jun 2010 00:07
liked tis in a bizare way, Iron lungs are a fascinating thing? are theystill used? Win
Sat 19th Jun 2010 00:04
Hi Rachel, liked this attempt to capture the esscence of the house/home. hard to put your finger on it... nice rhythm :-)
Comment is about This House (blog)
Original item by Rachel Eley
Sat 19th Jun 2010 00:00
well... you could have stopped after the third stanza and leave us all in suspense but I guess you wanted to drive things home. Win
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