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Enhancers of the sky

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Unaided masters
of aerial secrecy
composing their soaring flights
within the everchanging
high domain.
 
Free voyagers
feathered roamers
pleasing the grateful eye
warming 'however slightly'
the coldest of hearts.

◄ Pa

The most unsuitable plane passenger ►

Comments

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 12th Mar 2012 17:11

haha Lynn.
go back a few poems of mine or Tricia's
you found a title with shaggerpuffs in it
funny-remember?
oh how we used to laugh in them days!

XX

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Lynn Dye

Mon 12th Mar 2012 16:30

Lol Stef, you do make me laugh! Where do the sugar puffs come in? xx

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 12th Mar 2012 16:23

Blimey Graham!
"what do I(you)know?"

a damn sight more than I do
I can assure you,and as such
your inspirations will always have
my most sincere thanks.

Although your suggestion would go well
I have tried in my present line
"THE grateful eye"
to take in wider views/opinions in the poem,
as of the subject matter there are no doubt
many of those.

Same regards to you.

P&S.

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Mon 12th Mar 2012 16:16

Much obliged Lynn.
Glad you like the title,but!
sorry there is no mention
of sugar-puffs in it!-lol!

P&S.xx

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Graham Sherwood

Mon 12th Mar 2012 11:25

You've certainly captured the lightness of the feeling of flight. By the way, I wouldn't change a thing. I think I would have brought myself into this by saying "pleasing my grateful eye" etc. But then I've just said I wouldn't change a thing. What do I know??

regards, lovely piece. Graham

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Lynn Dye

Sun 11th Mar 2012 23:03

I love this, Stef, very much enjoyed. xx
P.S. Great title too...

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Patricia and Stefan Wilde

Sun 11th Mar 2012 21:19

Hi Yvonne.
What a very helpful piece of advice.
You are correct of course-and
I thank you for it,so much.


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Yvonne Brunton

Sun 11th Mar 2012 20:48

Hi this is lovely. I think I might replace 'upon' in line 4 with 'within' as for me this gives a greater feel of being part of their aerial kingdom. Also I'd use commas round 'however slightly'just to give a fleeting pause to the line thus giving greater emphasis to the last line as a contrast to the beauty of the soaring flights.

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