5 Blue Mule
Tuesday 21st February 2012 4:00 pm
Streetsleeping.
both bare cruel grill fumes
airing on the clench
he him spent every penny on a promise
take back matter of tick tock
textbook traits of tit for tat
standstranded pursehat stopcornered
in rags for discards, rollys
when allsudden speakheaded to them
bowler hat man prospects illegal approaches
"You'd fit a kilo in that leg"
(words move but no lip chatters)
yes on both sides
profithappy fear of going back
but no plan now
succeeds without
heavy pockets.
Laura Taylor
Tue 28th Feb 2012 13:03
(words move but no lip chatters) - excellent line.
standstranded pursehat stopcornered - this, however, felt...clumsy is the wrong word...bulky, I think. Nowt wrong with bulky, but maybe if it alludes to a certain thing/person/situation it would work better?