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IDENTITY CRISIS

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What happened to your face?

Smile gone.

Forehead creased in pain.

What happened to your laughter?

Mirth disappeared.

Mouth set in a silent grimace.

 

Happy carefree days of joy.

Mouldering away in the drawer of memories.

Photos of a happier life

Now faded and creased.

Thrown aside, with yesterday’s rubbish.

 

What happened?

What drained away your life?

Your peace?

I turn away from the mirror

Wondering who I am.

◄ FOREVER ASLEEP

Comments

Manda Lee

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Sun 5th Feb 2012 22:45

Thanks everyone for your feed back. Have edited some of the the's out Cynthia, as you are right they are not needed. Will need much more work to cut it down any further though. Will have to think about that one. Guess we all get to that time of life Katy after having a few years of knowing who we are, having to adjust to new situations and start finding who we are again.
:)

Katy Lisa

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Sun 5th Feb 2012 19:15

lovely stuff - particular like the second stanza. reads almost like an identity crisis to me when I had my son.

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Sun 5th Feb 2012 13:26

I like this subject too, a very common realization that will appeal to many readers. I do think it could be tightened up to provide much more impact, perhaps by a third. Usually, articles like 'the' etc. need to be carefully culled. In the first stanza, the 'face' idea is split by the 'laughter' idea. IMO, this weakens both images. I think that a few strong, well-considered words are better than a string; the more that you expound roughly the same point, the less emotional impact you have on the reader.

Jeff Dawson

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Sat 4th Feb 2012 07:55

Thought you seemed a bit different! Enjoyed this Manda and like the twist at the end (mind you the feeling sounds familiar), obviously seeing Joe Silva supporting the Alarm has taken it's toll! Good stuff X

Francine

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Thu 2nd Feb 2012 01:18

It happens, sometimes...

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