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Penile Dementia.

My penis no longer knows who it is or what it's here for. It follows me around like a lost soul in the later stages of dementia. When I urinate it takes so long to get operational that if I'm in a public toilet, other men think I'm 'cottaging.'

Nothing could be further from my mind, I'm not of the same sex kind and don't envy those who are. If I had my way I'd be like the 'Devil' Jack Nicholson played in 'The Witches of Eastwick'; with a track record of millions of seductions down through the ages to my name.

With Cary Grant's looks and tones of honeyed gold, I'd have made them eternally grateful that they'd sold their souls to me, with 3 portions of ecstasy for breakfast, dinner and tea if they'd wanted it.

My reality's more like that of 'Suicidal Sid', the manic depressive (bipolar?) kid out of VIZ comic, (which I don't read anymore.) He's my favourite cartoon character of all time; his cartoon life runs parallel with mine, except that his is more real.

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I haven't come (excuse the Freudian pun) on WOL to start a one-man campaign against the 'Muffia' (more like 'shaven haven' these days), I know that I'll be quickly squashed like a bug if I try; as much by the Sir Galahad's who rush to defend the ladies honour as by the 'ladies' themselves. I'm probably already strongly in danger of being booted off for using the 'C' word in a derogatory manner. I've spent my whole deprived, tortured life trying to fathom out the female psyche without coming up with any conclusions; you're either 'magnetic' or you're not; I unfortunately come into the latter category; hence my jaundiced view of the 'fair sex.'

For any one who's interested, I took one dose of my anti depressants and decided they're not for me, if I'm going to go demented I'd rather be fully compos mentis leading up to it; Mirtazopine was like being whacked with a chemical cosh, and I only took the low dose version; 45 mgs of that and I'd have been a zombified basket case for at least a week afterwards.

◄ Happy cackling.

The oldest turkey in the barn. ►

Comments

Philip Fletcher

Thu 2nd Oct 2014 18:24

More ahem, prosetry. What a colossal wanker I can be! I should've been booted off for being a lousy poet.

Martin Peacock

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Tue 13th Dec 2011 14:57

Phew, got to say ol' chap I agree with Stella just a leeetle...nonetheless though I'm nothing if not a fan of words so know how they're used is important...you've got Something to say [that capital's relevant] and express yourself distinctively...so more power to your elbow for that...

stella jones

Sat 3rd Dec 2011 19:16


Ha!

stella jones

Sat 3rd Dec 2011 01:52


Still laughing at the word 'Muffia'

I have read a great deal of your posts but they are hard to answer Philip, they are very insular and it is as if you have already made your mind up about women because of your own personal experiences...but that bitterness about them and your circumstances would surely seep through to anyone new you met?..

I believe the women on here can chose who to read and who not to read..it is like a tv there is always an off switch, so have no small concern over being booted off unless you begin a personal campaign against an individual.

Anti-depressants can be effective though, perhaps you could take a lower dose so they do not knock you out?..I hope you find some relief Philip and I hope that by writing it out you feel some small measure of connecting with others :o)

M.C. Newberry

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Fri 2nd Dec 2011 15:24

I say stand up for those who don't!
Age can sometimes be "cruel to be kind" - when
the pressure to perform is off - with or without consent! :-)

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