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All Hallows Eve

Glum, doleful moon, alone,

our only witness to such dreadful tragedy,

spies on deadly Scorpius,

chaperone to the winter’s chilling breath,

who, dragging slain Orion’s bloody cloak,

sweeps the crackling bronze crisped leaves,

like autumn’s janitor.

On this night all souls are blessed.

This bloody month, this killing time,

O mischievous night, a fragile armistice

befalls us with our good clean ale and hopper cakes,

astride our blinkered hobbyhorses.

Tonight, all are hallowed. 

◄ Come Ghosts

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Comments

Graham Sherwood

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Tue 2nd Nov 2010 23:03

Many thanks for your comments again Cynthia. Whilst I understand your feelings about the fact that I tend to use more than one adjective frequently, there is often good cause.
For example doleful has been used to convey grief (as in OED) whereas glum represents gloom or torpor.
Similarly the ale is good and clean as October/November was a traditional time for new ale to be made, termed clean as the older brews were thought ropey by the autumn. I hope this explains more clearly.

Cynthia Buell Thomas

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Tue 2nd Nov 2010 15:19

I really like this. There are very good lines and choice diction. I like the allusions to Scorpio and Orion; but I found the intimacy of 'our only witness to such dreadful tragedy' a bit odd, seeing as you are using the imagery of mythology. IMO, culling the odd adjective would make it stronger, in those cases where the one modifier is itself powerful enough to strike the image or mood: eg. I think 'doleful' contains 'glum' already, and 'ale' could lose either 'good' or clean'.

andy n

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Tue 2nd Nov 2010 08:11

could see this published in a magazine, graham defo.. top stuff in particular 'chaperone to the winter’s chilling breath'

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