alan holdsworth
OLD BIDDIES
Old biddies
get on my tits!
They clutter up
the buses in the
morning with their
crocodile handbags,
shopping trolleys
and walking sticks
with their snow white
brillo pad rinses,
(purple being
out of fashion)
and the stench
of cheap perfume.
The bus like
a geriatric ambulance
on a mercy mission
for pensions, bananas,
digestive biscuits,
bum paper and
talcum powder!...
get on my tits!
They clutter up
the buses in the
morning with their
crocodile handbags,
shopping trolleys
and walking sticks
with their snow white
brillo pad rinses,
(purple being
out of fashion)
and the stench
of cheap perfume.
The bus like
a geriatric ambulance
on a mercy mission
for pensions, bananas,
digestive biscuits,
bum paper and
talcum powder!...
Read more and leave comments (7)
Sunday 12th April 2009 4:56 am
MILO'S OPEN MIC LEEDS
A great night on wednesday at Milo's Call Lane near the Corn Exchange, inbetween bus and train stations.
It was packed out with a mixture of old gits like me to university students: a bar with a function room upstairs.
Come along next month and enjoy the electric poetic atmosphere, all welcome. Come early or you
may not get in!!
It was packed out with a mixture of old gits like me to university students: a bar with a function room upstairs.
Come along next month and enjoy the electric poetic atmosphere, all welcome. Come early or you
may not get in!!
Read more and leave comments (0)
Friday 10th April 2009 9:50 am
ATHIEST
Years ago,
I remember
a golden girl
at the college
throwing
herself at me:
a virgin!
I couldn't believe it
being an athiest!
While she was
asleep I used
to peel back
the bedclothes
and look at that
beautiful bronzed
body with
luscious firm tits
and think;
maybe there
is a God!...
I remember
a golden girl
at the college
throwing
herself at me:
a virgin!
I couldn't believe it
being an athiest!
While she was
asleep I used
to peel back
the bedclothes
and look at that
beautiful bronzed
body with
luscious firm tits
and think;
maybe there
is a God!...
Read more and leave comments (3)
Wednesday 8th April 2009 6:24 am
NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS
Hi everyone, there's a new open mic in the centre of Leeds at MILO'S Call Lane, Vicar Lane near Boar
Lane, wednesday night entry £2, lets give it some heavy duty support, Leeds badly needs it!! cheers,
Alan Holdsworth Otley Poets.
Lane, wednesday night entry £2, lets give it some heavy duty support, Leeds badly needs it!! cheers,
Alan Holdsworth Otley Poets.
Read more and leave comments (6)
Monday 6th April 2009 1:52 pm
HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE
Went to bed (the coffin)
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
Read more and leave comments (9)
Monday 6th April 2009 6:24 am
HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE
Went to bed (the coffin)
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
Read more and leave comments (0)
Monday 6th April 2009 6:24 am
HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE
Went to bed (the coffin)
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
about 10 pm shattered
and awoke around 2 am
as if someone had switched
me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.
It's the same every night
drunk or sober:
has anyone out there got a cure
apart from shagging your balls off?
I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;
maybe I should invest
in a vibrating bed!
And don't talk to me about pills:
I've taken calmers, downers...
Read more and leave comments (0)
Monday 6th April 2009 6:24 am
THE KISS
We met
and embraced loves
encumberances.
We kissed
in front of skull dead cattle
and dandelion sheep.
We kissed
on railway platforms
among crowds
with shuffling feet.
We kissed
at breakfast, dinner and tea.
We kissed
under full moons
on frosty nights.
We kissed
in the morning
before daylight.
We kissed
under rainbows
in the sky.
We kissed and kissed
until your red lips went d...
and embraced loves
encumberances.
We kissed
in front of skull dead cattle
and dandelion sheep.
We kissed
on railway platforms
among crowds
with shuffling feet.
We kissed
at breakfast, dinner and tea.
We kissed
under full moons
on frosty nights.
We kissed
in the morning
before daylight.
We kissed
under rainbows
in the sky.
We kissed and kissed
until your red lips went d...
Read more and leave comments (2)
Sunday 5th April 2009 7:13 pm
GOD SQUAD
A lonely reveller
making my way home
via the bus station,
i was ambushed by a gang
of female Christian missionaries,
lucky for me;
i was saved by the Devil
in a number 33!
making my way home
via the bus station,
i was ambushed by a gang
of female Christian missionaries,
lucky for me;
i was saved by the Devil
in a number 33!
Read more and leave comments (0)
Thursday 2nd April 2009 5:56 am
CONSPIRACY
Don't believe those
obnoxious, cunning,
goverment sponsored
hounds of health
when they proclaim
smoking, drinking
and eating rich food
is very bad for you.
It's just a conspiracy
to increase production
and make us work, work,
work the whole day through!
obnoxious, cunning,
goverment sponsored
hounds of health
when they proclaim
smoking, drinking
and eating rich food
is very bad for you.
It's just a conspiracy
to increase production
and make us work, work,
work the whole day through!
Read more and leave comments (2)
Thursday 26th March 2009 9:50 am
OBSESSIONS
Professor, Sir,
Liam Donaldson
and his collaborators,
the hounds of health,
with their index fingers
stuck up their rectums;
not wanting to part
with their obsessions!
Liam Donaldson
and his collaborators,
the hounds of health,
with their index fingers
stuck up their rectums;
not wanting to part
with their obsessions!
Read more and leave comments (0)
Monday 16th March 2009 5:09 am
QUESTION FOR WOL
Would it be possible for someone to set up a WOL open mic in Leeds near bus routes?
The present two open mics are unsatisfactory(Wicked Words expensive)and(Flux Gallery tiny).
We are missing out in Leeds on poetry and performance poetry! cheers Alan.
The present two open mics are unsatisfactory(Wicked Words expensive)and(Flux Gallery tiny).
We are missing out in Leeds on poetry and performance poetry! cheers Alan.
Read more and leave comments (2)
Monday 16th March 2009 2:49 am
PHILOSOPHY
PHILOSOPHY
There's only
two things
that cause
man made
disasters on
this planet:
capitalism -
Allah, God &
religion!
get rid of em!
There's only
two things
that cause
man made
disasters on
this planet:
capitalism -
Allah, God &
religion!
get rid of em!
Read more and leave comments (8)
Thursday 5th March 2009 11:31 pm
PROPAGANDA
PROPAGANDA
No newspapers for me -
yet I see the masses
drawn to them like
moths around a light bulb -
the chuck away
glitter and titter tabloids!
The broadsheet
mental masturbators treat!
Years ago they were useful -
fish and chips were wrapped
up in them and they hung on
string in square pieces
behind the toilet door!...
No newspapers for me -
yet I see the masses
drawn to them like
moths around a light bulb -
the chuck away
glitter and titter tabloids!
The broadsheet
mental masturbators treat!
Years ago they were useful -
fish and chips were wrapped
up in them and they hung on
string in square pieces
behind the toilet door!...
Read more and leave comments (2)
Wednesday 4th March 2009 6:02 am
Pub Culture
PUB CULTURE
Pardon me all the way to hell -
why did we smokers and drinkers
just roll over like well - trained
shampooed poodles
and let those
stoic, boring politicians,
rottweiler self - righteous medics
and paranoid hypochondriacs
take away our pub culture?
The logic of the hounds of health
will make smoking illegal
and alcohol will be rationed
with pubs going out of fashion!...
Pardon me all the way to hell -
why did we smokers and drinkers
just roll over like well - trained
shampooed poodles
and let those
stoic, boring politicians,
rottweiler self - righteous medics
and paranoid hypochondriacs
take away our pub culture?
The logic of the hounds of health
will make smoking illegal
and alcohol will be rationed
with pubs going out of fashion!...
Read more and leave comments (2)
Saturday 21st February 2009 8:44 pm
DIVIDED WE FALL
Why do we call ourselves
Great Britain and the United Kingdom
when we are anything but great or united?
England is on its own now:
a rum barrel on a sinking ship -
that and the Tories!
Great Britain and the United Kingdom
when we are anything but great or united?
England is on its own now:
a rum barrel on a sinking ship -
that and the Tories!
Read more and leave comments (2)
Sunday 15th February 2009 4:05 pm
Rebel
No!
I will not grow old
Gracefully
Nor will I go quietly!
I shall fraternize with younger women
and wear denim until I drop.
I will get drunk
on wine and premium beer,
smoke rollies incessantly,
eat what I like and live dangerously,
ignore all the timorous warnings
of the paranoid hypochondriacs.
Stick two fingers up at the B.M.A.
and live for today,
so when I turn my toes up
they...
I will not grow old
Gracefully
Nor will I go quietly!
I shall fraternize with younger women
and wear denim until I drop.
I will get drunk
on wine and premium beer,
smoke rollies incessantly,
eat what I like and live dangerously,
ignore all the timorous warnings
of the paranoid hypochondriacs.
Stick two fingers up at the B.M.A.
and live for today,
so when I turn my toes up
they...
Read more and leave comments (7)
Sunday 15th February 2009 3:58 pm
FAT LARRY'S CAFE
FAT LARRY'S CAFE
Tucking into a full Monty
down at Fat Larry's Cafe,
streaky bacon, two fried eggs,
sausage, black pudding,
mushrooms, beans, tomatoes
with fried bread and toast;
when in burst the obese police
charging me with a nutritional offence!
Saying I was well over the calorie limit
and the sausage had glutamine in it!
They said they had evidence from
the fruit and veg squad t...
Tucking into a full Monty
down at Fat Larry's Cafe,
streaky bacon, two fried eggs,
sausage, black pudding,
mushrooms, beans, tomatoes
with fried bread and toast;
when in burst the obese police
charging me with a nutritional offence!
Saying I was well over the calorie limit
and the sausage had glutamine in it!
They said they had evidence from
the fruit and veg squad t...
Read more and leave comments (1)
Wednesday 11th February 2009 4:34 am
A BIT OF BUKOWSKI
Oh shit!
I'm sixty + v.a.t.
with the key to the tomb!
Where have all the young women gone?
They came and procrastinated for a while,
some for a few months, some for a few years;
then flew the nest to sing a different song.
Now with old age creeping up I see,
hair thinned out and fewer teeth,
eyes that are bleary blue,
a bit paunchy,
with no
young women hanging about.
Oh shit!
That le...
I'm sixty + v.a.t.
with the key to the tomb!
Where have all the young women gone?
They came and procrastinated for a while,
some for a few months, some for a few years;
then flew the nest to sing a different song.
Now with old age creeping up I see,
hair thinned out and fewer teeth,
eyes that are bleary blue,
a bit paunchy,
with no
young women hanging about.
Oh shit!
That le...
Read more and leave comments (3)
Thursday 1st January 2009 5:42 am
Previous Entries
- 2009 (19)
- 2008 (6)
Recent Comments
spencer on HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE (Sat, 7 Nov 2009 11:07:36 am)
Alan Holdsworth on OLD BIDDIES (Fri, 17 Apr 2009 05:16:12 am)
Francine Louis on OLD BIDDIES (Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:27:22 am)
Alan Holdsworth on OLD BIDDIES (Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:21:18 pm)
Alan Holdsworth on OLD BIDDIES (Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:19:40 pm)
clarissa mckone on OLD BIDDIES (Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:15:07 am)
Janet on OLD BIDDIES (Mon, 13 Apr 2009 11:15:33 pm)
Gus Jonsson on OLD BIDDIES (Sun, 12 Apr 2009 07:39:17 pm)
Alan Holdsworth on ATHIEST (Thu, 9 Apr 2009 04:28:24 pm)
shoeless on ATHIEST (Thu, 9 Apr 2009 11:26:50 am)
Gus Jonsson on ATHIEST (Thu, 9 Apr 2009 11:03:15 am)
Anthony Emmerson on HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE (Wed, 8 Apr 2009 11:22:44 pm)
Alan Holdsworth on NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS (Wed, 8 Apr 2009 02:08:26 am)
winston plowes on NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS (Tue, 7 Apr 2009 11:49:12 pm)
Alan Holdsworth on HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE (Mon, 6 Apr 2009 06:09:04 pm)
