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OLD BIDDIES

Old biddies

get on my tits!

They clutter up

the buses in the

morning with their

crocodile handbags,

shopping trolleys

and walking sticks

with their snow white

brillo pad rinses,

(purple being

out of fashion)

and the stench

of cheap perfume.

The bus like

a geriatric ambulance

on a mercy mission

for pensions, bananas,

digestive biscuits,

bum paper and

talcum powder!

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MILO'S OPEN MIC LEEDS

A great night on wednesday at Milo's Call Lane near the Corn Exchange, inbetween bus and train stations.

It was packed out with a mixture of old gits like me to university students: a bar with a function room upstairs.

Come along next month and enjoy the electric poetic atmosphere, all welcome. Come early or you

may not get in!!

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ATHIEST

Years ago,

I remember

a golden girl

at the college

throwing

herself at me:

a virgin!

I couldn't believe it

being an athiest!

While she was

asleep I used

to peel back

the bedclothes

and look at that

beautiful bronzed

body with

luscious firm tits

and think;

maybe there

is a God!

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NEW OPEN MIC CENTRE LEEDS

Hi everyone, there's a new open mic in the centre of Leeds at MILO'S Call Lane, Vicar Lane near Boar

Lane, wednesday night entry £2, lets give it some heavy duty support, Leeds badly needs it!! cheers,

Alan Holdsworth Otley Poets.

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HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE

Went to bed (the coffin)

about 10 pm shattered

and awoke around 2 am

as if someone had switched

me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.

It's the same every night

drunk or sober:

has anyone out there got a cure

apart from shagging your balls off?

I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;

maybe I should invest

in a vibrating bed!

And don't talk to me about pills:

I've taken calmers, downers...

Read and leave comments (9)

HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE

Went to bed (the coffin)

about 10 pm shattered

and awoke around 2 am

as if someone had switched

me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.

It's the same every night

drunk or sober:

has anyone out there got a cure

apart from shagging your balls off?

I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;

maybe I should invest

in a vibrating bed!

And don't talk to me about pills:

I've taken calmers, downers...

Read and leave comments (0)

HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE

Went to bed (the coffin)

about 10 pm shattered

and awoke around 2 am

as if someone had switched

me on like a fucking vacuum cleaner.

It's the same every night

drunk or sober:

has anyone out there got a cure

apart from shagging your balls off?

I'm a bit past my sell by date for that;

maybe I should invest

in a vibrating bed!

And don't talk to me about pills:

I've taken calmers, downers...

Read and leave comments (0)

THE KISS

We met

and embraced loves

encumberances.

We kissed

in front of skull dead cattle

and dandelion sheep.

We kissed

on railway platforms

among crowds

with shuffling feet.

We kissed

at breakfast, dinner and tea.

We kissed

under full moons

on frosty nights.

We kissed

in the morning

before daylight.

We kissed

under rainbows

in the sky.

We kissed and kissed

until your red lips went d...

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GOD SQUAD

A lonely reveller

making my way home

via the bus station,

i was ambushed by a gang

of female Christian missionaries,

lucky for me;

i was saved by the Devil

in a number 33!

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CONSPIRACY

Don't believe those

obnoxious, cunning,

goverment sponsored

hounds of health

when they proclaim

smoking, drinking

and eating rich food

is very bad for you.

It's just a conspiracy

to increase production

and make us work, work,

work the whole day through!

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OBSESSIONS

 

Professor, Sir,

Liam Donaldson

and his collaborators,

the hounds of health,

with their index fingers

stuck up their rectums;

not wanting to part

with their obsessions!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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QUESTION FOR WOL

Would it be possible for someone to set up a WOL open mic in Leeds near bus routes?

The present two open mics are unsatisfactory(Wicked Words expensive)and(Flux Gallery tiny).

We are missing out in Leeds on poetry and performance poetry! cheers Alan.

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PHILOSOPHY

PHILOSOPHY

There's only

two things

that cause

man made

disasters on

this planet:

capitalism -

Allah, God &

religion!

get rid of em!

 

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PROPAGANDA

PROPAGANDA

No newspapers for me -

yet I see the masses

drawn to them like

moths around a light bulb -

the chuck away

glitter and titter tabloids!

The broadsheet

mental masturbators treat!

Years ago they were useful -

fish and chips were wrapped

up in them and they hung on

string in square pieces

behind the toilet door!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read and leave comments (2)

Pub Culture

PUB CULTURE

Pardon me all the way to hell -

why did we smokers and drinkers

just roll over like well - trained

shampooed poodles

and let those

stoic, boring politicians,

rottweiler self - righteous medics

and paranoid hypochondriacs

take away our pub culture?

The logic of the hounds of health

will make smoking illegal

and alcohol will be rationed

with pubs going out of fashion!

 

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DIVIDED WE FALL

Why do we call ourselves

Great Britain and the United Kingdom

when we are anything but great or united?

England is on its own now:

a rum barrel on a sinking ship -

that and the Tories!

 

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Rebel

No!

I will not grow old

Gracefully

Nor will I go quietly!

I shall fraternize with younger women

and wear denim until I drop.

I will get drunk

on wine and premium beer,

smoke rollies incessantly,

eat what I like and live dangerously,

ignore all the timorous warnings

of the paranoid hypochondriacs.

Stick two fingers up at the B.M.A.

and live for today,

so when I turn my toes up

the...

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FAT LARRY'S CAFE

FAT LARRY'S CAFE Tucking into a full Monty down at Fat Larry's Cafe, streaky bacon, two fried eggs, sausage, black pudding, mushrooms, beans, tomatoes with fried bread and toast; when in burst the obese police charging me with a nutritional offence! Saying I was well over the calorie limit and the sausage had glutamine in it! They said they had evidence from the fruit and veg squad t...

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A BIT OF BUKOWSKI

Oh shit! I'm sixty + v.a.t. with the key to the tomb! Where have all the young women gone? They came and procrastinated for a while, some for a few months, some for a few years; then flew the nest to sing a different song. Now with old age creeping up I see, hair thinned out and fewer teeth, eyes that are bleary blue, a bit paunchy, with no young women hanging about. Oh shit! That le...

Read and leave comments (3)

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spencer on HAS ANYONE OUT THERE GOT A CURE (Sat, 7 Nov 2009 11:07:36 am)

Alan Holdsworth on OLD BIDDIES (Fri, 17 Apr 2009 05:16:12 am)

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